Lee Hotchkiss

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STRESS
Happens
To Everyone

• Lee Hotchkiss

BARNABAS INTERNATIONAL
www.barnabas.org
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STRESS
HAPPENS
When events are
Beyond our Control
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• A Stressful Event
• Can be Anything
• That is Beyond
• Our Control

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Other Peoples Behavior
work
Health Issues

• Common Events

misunderstandings
Little Frustrations
The Computer
money
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Negative
Feelings
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
10
Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Negative
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Try
Negative
Harder
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
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Biblical Tools for Stress Management
Keeping God at the Center of Life
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Try
Negative
Harder
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
14
Pray Acknowledge and Submit to Gods Sovereign
Control Over All Events
Proverbs 35-6, Philippians 46, Luke 2242
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Try
Negative
Harder
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
1. Do What is Right
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
1. Do What is Right
Are there behaviors that need to change?
Genesis 46-7
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
2. Be honest with feelings
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
2. Be honest with feelings
Are there feelings that need to be shared?
Psalm 628, 1421-4, 5522
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
Are there thoughts that need to be challenged?
Philippians 48
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
1. Do what is right
2. Be honest with feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
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Three Strategies for Managing Feelings
1. THINKING - HEAD
2. FEELING - HEART
3. DOING - HANDS
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Try
Negative
Harder
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
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Strategies for Managing
Self-Concept
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Physical Appearance
Possessions
Performance
Professions
Position
Power
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Grace
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• Law

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Therefore no one will be declared righteous in
his sight by observing the law rather, through
the law we become conscious of sin. Romans
320
Sin

• Law

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Grace
Sin

• Law

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Grace
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Values
Expectations
Perceptions/Thoughts

• Event

Lose Control
1
Try
Negative
Harder
Feelings
Relationships
Self Esteem
Deteriorate
Drops
35
Building Godly Relationships Through
1. COMMITMENT
2. COMMUNICATION
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
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Building Godly Relationships Through
1. COMMITMENT to
WORKING TOGETHER
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COOPERATION

• RETALIATION
• DOMINATION
• ISOLATION

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Building Godly Relationships Through
2. COMMUNICATION
at HEAD and HEART levels
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Share
COMMUNICATION

• BONDING at the HEART Level

Care
Connecting Emotionally
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COMMUNICATION

• CONNECTING at the HEAD Level

Sharing Ideas Sharpening Thoughts
Proverbs 2717
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Thinking Level
Reality Testing
Sharing
Hearing
Person 1
Person 2
of

Ideas
Responding
Feeling Level
Sharing Caring
Sharing
Caring
of
Person 1
Person 2
for
Feelings
Feelings
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Thinking
Head Level
Person 2
Person 1
Feeling
Heart Level
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ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES
Isolation
Enmeshment
Dependency Co-dependency Control Manipulation
Distance Silence Coldness Uncooperative
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ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES
(
)
Isolation
Enmeshment
Interdependency
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Building Godly Relationships Through
3. CONFLICT
RESOLUTION
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Strategies for Conflict Resolution Distinguish
between THINKING and FEELING levels of
communication
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• Thinking Level Strategies
• Clarify. Dont assume you know what the other
  person is thinking. Listen to what they are
  saying. Keep communication open. Ask questions.
  Draw out his
• or her thoughts.

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Thinking Level Strategies 2. Dont attribute
motives to the other person.
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Thinking Level Strategies 3. Negotiate.
Compromise. Collaborate. Accommodate.
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Thinking Level Strategies 4. Agree to
disagree. Reaffirm your commitment to the person
and your relationship with them.
Say, I respect you, and I want to retain a good
relationship with you, I dont want this to come
between us. I respect your opinion. Lets agree
to disagree.
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
Held Hurts Become Barriers
WE HIDE WE HURL
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
1. Identify the hurts in both persons.
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
2. Express concern for the other persons hurt.
Im sorry youve been hurt, I want you to know
that I care about your feelings.
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
3. Take responsibility for your part in causing
the other persons hurt by asking forgiveness.
Will you forgive me for
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
4. Forgive the other person for what you have
been holding. I forgive you for I dont want
this to be a barrier in our relationship any
longer.
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Feeling Level Strategies For Unresolved Conflict
5. Manage your leftover feelings to the glory of
God. a. Do what is right. Act out love. b.
Share feelings with God. c. Tell yourself the
truth.
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Strategies for Stress Management 1. Monitor
Your Stress Reactions 2. Identify Stressful
Events 3. Apply Biblical Principles 4.
Control What You Can 5. Keep a Realistic
Schedule 6. Have an Exercise Program 7.
Strong Devotional Life 8. Functioning Support
Network 9. Healthy Conflict Management 10.
Balance and Boundaries
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