Marriage is

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Marriage is

• A covenant of the heart a commitment to live as
  man and woman together from the wedding until
  death do us part.
• A civil ceremony of some type that is culturally
  defined as between a man and a woman.
• The sexual consummation of marriage designed by
  God for intimacy between two people, male and
  female, and to create life.
• A living metaphor of Jesus Christs desire to
  have a lifelong relationship with every person
• Jesus is like a groom who initiates the offer of
  a lifelong covenant with a potential bride. God
  initiates his desire to have a relationship with
  each and every one of us through His son Jesus
  Christ. Gods Holy Spirit stirs the hearts of
  all of us when we are offered this invitation,
  just as our hearts are stirred when we are asked
  to marry someone who loves us and we love them.

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Theology of Marriage

• Marriage is Gods ordinance from creation
  Genesis 218-25
• 18 The LORD God said It is not good for the man
  to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for
  him.
• 19 So the LORD God formed out of the ground
  various wild animals and various birds of the
  air, and he brought them to the man to see what
  he would call them whatever the man called each
  of them would be its name.
• 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, all the
  birds of the air, and all the wild animals but
  none proved to be the suitable partner for the
  man.
• 21 So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man,
  and while he was asleep, he took out one of his
  ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
• 22 The LORD God then built up into a woman the
  rib that he had taken from the man. When he
  brought her to the man,
• 23 the man said This one, at last, is bone of
  my bones and flesh of my flesh This one shall be
  called woman, for out of her man this one has
  been taken.
• 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother
  and clings to his wife, and the two of them
  become one body.
• 25 The man and his wife were both naked, yet they
  felt no shame. The New American Bible

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A Scriptural MetaphorMarriage Our
Relationship with Christ Ephesians 521-33

• 21 And further, you will submit to one another
  out of reverence for Christ.
• 22 You wives will submit to your husbands as you
  do to the Lord.
• 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as
  Christ is the head of his body, the church he
  gave his life to be her Savior.
• 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives
  must submit to your husbands in everything.
• 25 And you husbands must love your wives with the
  same love Christ showed the church. He gave up
  his life for her
• 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism
  and Gods word.
• 27 He did this to present her to himself as a
  glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any
  other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and
  without fault.
• 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their
  wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is
  actually loving himself when he loves his wife.
• 29 No one hates his own body but lovingly cares
  for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which
  is the church.
• 30 And we are his body.
• 31 As the Scriptures say, A man leaves his
  father and mother and is joined to his wife, and
  the two are united into one.
• 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an
  illustration of the way Christ and the church are
  one.
• 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as
  he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
  husband. The New Living Translation

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A Scriptural MetaphorMarriage Our
Relationship with Christ Application of
Ephesians 521-33

• As a man, the headship is not a position of
  authority. It is a position of responsibility.
  It should be taken very seriously and with high
  regard.
• Verse 21 tells us to submit to one another out
  of reverence for Christ. It tells us not to
  dominate one another, but to exemplify and live
  up to the specific roles men and women assume
  within a marriage. Submission is giving the best
  of yourself to your spouse, ie talents, wisdom,
  time, love.
• Verse 33 tells us that women need to be loved,
  treated tenderly, and be cared for and valued
  above all else in life. This is the husbands
  duty and mission.
• The key word for the husband is respect. In
  marriage a woman vacates the responsibility of
  leading in order for the man to fulfill his God
  given responsibility to fulfill his role and take
  responsibility in leading the family.
• Verse 27 reminds us just as Jesus presents the
  church spotless and without wrinkle, we are
  presented ourselves to each other without spot or
  wrinkle because we are each marrying a child of
  God. Are you going to give each other a wrinkle
  or be spotless?
• Jesus Christ is giving and loving, we are asking
  you to do the same.
• Verse 31 Man and woman separate from parents and
  family in order to become one in body, mind,
  soul, and spirit. A new family, a new life.
• V33 Men are good at giving respect, and women
  are good at loving others. Therefore, men must
  spend more time LOVING their wives, and wives
  must spend more time RESPECTING their husbands!
  Men desire to be respected and women desire to be
  loved.
• We submit to one another by giving love the way
  our spouse best receives it, not necessarily the
  way we are best at giving it.

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A Few Marriage Principles

• Have Contempt for Contempt
• Pray together! Ask your spouse how you can pray
  for them, and their needs.
• Adopt the 100/100 marriage analogy there is no
  such thing as meeting each other half way!
• Prioritize your spouse and family over your
  profession. Value your family over success
• Resolve your conflicts through love and level
  headed communication. Listen to what each other
  is saying.
• Submit to one another through love and respect.
  Husbands love your wives, wives respect your
  husbands.

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THE PERFECT LOVE TRIANGLE     Jesus Christ  
A Chord of Three Strands is Not Easily
Broken Ecclesiastes 412
You

Your Mate

  As you draw closer to
Jesus Christ, You draw closer to each other! Make
HIM Your Source of Passion, Hope, and Love
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Important Elements For A Healthy Marriage

• Concepts and Techniques

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The Speaker Listener Technique

• How to Talk to Each Other Without Fighting!
• Proverbs 15 Let the wise listen and add to
  their learning
• James 119 My dear brothers, take note of
  this Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to
  speak, and slow to become angry, for mans anger
  does not bring about the righteous life that God
  desires.
• Speaker/Listener Technique IS
• A structured way to communicate safely and
  clearly when you really need to understand each
  other clearly and correctly.
• It is a great way to practice good communication.
• It counters the potential of Escalating the
  argument through nasty words, Invalidating the
  other persons feelings by being negative,
  assuming the worst of your spouses thoughts and
  actions through Negative Interpretations, and
  Avoiding or Withdrawing from conversation as a
  result of fight or flight mechanisms.
• SOMETIMES A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1000 WORDS

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Escalation The Power of the Words
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Invalidation The Power of the Negative
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Negative Interpretations Assuming the Worst
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Avoidance and Withdrawal
Flight or Fight
Cartoons from PREP, INC materials.
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The Speaker Listener Technique

• Rules for the Speaker
• 1. Speak for yourself. Dont mind read!
• 2. Dont go on and on.
• 3. Stop and let the listener paraphrase.
• Rules for Listener
• 1. Paraphrase what you hear.
• 2. Dont rebut. Focus on what the speaker is
  saying.
• Rules for Both
• 1. The speaker has the floor.
• 2. Speaker keeps the floor while the listener
  paraphrases.
• 3. Share the floor.
• FOR EXAMPLE

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Speaker Listener Technique

• Speaker Says
• When you did X,
• Specific Behavior(Do not use absolutes)
• In situation Y,
• Specific Situation (Do not use absolutes)
• I felt Z.
• Owning feelings
• Be Respectful and Be Specific!
• Listener Says
• What I heard you say was when I did X in
  Situation Y you felt Z.
• Speaker
• Confirm correctness of what the listener said or
  try it again.
• Once the speaker feels the listener has
  understood them, then the listener gets to become
  the speaker and the speaker becomes the listener.

XYZ Concept fromA Couples Guide to
Communication,(1976), Research Press, Inc.
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This Guy Needs Speaker Listener!
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Forgiveness Defined

• A canceled debt is the picture of forgiveness
• Psalm 1303-4 If you, O Lord, kept a record of
  sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you
  there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared.
• Luke 2446-48 He told them, This is what is
  written That Christ will suffer and rise from
  the dead on the third day, and repentance and
  forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name
  to all nations
• Ephesians 432 Be kind and compassionate to
  one another, forgiving each other, just as in
  Christ God forgave you.

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In Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Trust, and Healing Work Together
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What Forgiveness Does Not Mean

• Forgiveness does not mean one may forget an
  offense.
• You can forgive someone and still grieve the hurt
  and pain you feel.
• Forgiving someone does not mean that the person
  committing an offense is not responsible for
  their behavior.

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A Lifetime Commitment to One Another

• A long-term perspective helps you weather
  short-term ups and downs in satisfaction and
  happiness that are simply part of marriage.
• Your marriage is a long-term investment that
  continually earns interest and net value.
• Do not threaten the Long View when mad, scared,
  or anxious. Dont sell outhold on for the
  payoff of a lifetime!
• The Long View must be nurtured and cherished just
  like any other investment.

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The Commitment Factor
Time Gods Constant (You Cant Stop
Time)Happiness Lifes Variable (Life will
bring ups and downs)Commitment Your Variable
(You Control Your Commitment In Life)
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Sensuality and Sexuality

• The 5 Love Languages Gary Chapman
• We give and receive love the following ways in
  order to fill our love tank
• Words of Affirmation Affirms others and enjoys
  being affirmed verbally by others.
• Physical Touch Gives and receives love through
  non-sexual and intimate physical touch.
• Quality Time Gives and receives love through
  spending quality time with others.
• Acts of Service - Gives and receives love by
  doing chores, serving others, and providing
  support.
• Gifts - Gives and receives gifts, presents,
  tokens of appreciation, etc.

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Sensuality and Sexuality

• Intentionally make time for Sensuality and
  Sexuality
• Protect it from other conflicts,
  distractions.and Excuses!
• Identify each others needs sensually and
  sexually.
• Dont bypass the sensuality of non-sexual
  touching, cuddle time, soft words, romantic
  ideas/events.
• Do not assume you or your spouse knows
  everything!
• Read some books on the subject, try something
  new, use some creativity, and have fun!