Abusive Fathers: What Can We Do to Help November 13, 2006

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Abusive Fathers What Can We Do to Help?
November 13, 2006

• Katreena Scott, Ph.D. C. Psych.,
• OISE/University of Toronto

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Goals What do we do about Dad?

• Highlight the need for provision of service to
  maltreating fathers
• Challenge audience to think about the need for a
  new approach
• Outline four principles to guide intervention
  with maltreating fathers and illustrate using the
  Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children
  program

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Why Work with Maltreating Fathers?
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Male Caretakers Perpetrate a Significant Amount
of Child Maltreatment
Two parent families
All families
All families
Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and
Neglect Sedlak Broadhurst (1996)
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But They Disappear from our Statistics
Children were somewhat more likely to be
maltreated by female perpetrators than by
malesOf children who were maltreated by their
birth parents, the majority (75) were maltreated
by their mothers and a sizable minority (46)
were maltreated by their fathers. Executive
Summary of CIS-3
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and They Disappear from our Programs

• Review of 14 randomly selected cases with child
  exposure to DV as primary concern
• 7 cases had recommendations for service to
  victim, 4 recommendations for both
• 0 had recommendations for offender only
• Donohue VanHasselt (1999)
• In 92 of cases, intervention with mother, though
  mothers were perpetrators in only 51 of cases

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What are the Implications?

• We lose the opportunity to promote fathers
  accountability for their behavior
• We hold mothers inappropriately responsible for
  fathers behavior
• We fail to provide men with opportunity to change
• We lose out on the advantages of a potentially
  healthy father-child relationship

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Importance to Children Emotionally
12 year-old, Children shouldnt be caught between
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Parent Lethality Step-Parent Risk
Daly Wilson, 2000
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Summary

• Fathers are responsible for a significant
  proportion of child maltreatment
• Providing intervention to fathers has the
  potential to increase paternal accountability and
  responsibility and to promote healthy
  father-child relationships
• Fathers seldom leave the emotional landscape of
  their children
• Fathers who leave one family seldom end their
  involvement with children in general

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Cautions for Working with Maltreating Fathers

• Fathers may use of program to gain leverage in
  custody and access or otherwise harass childrens
  mothers
• Funding of program may come at the expense of
  services addressing the safety needs of women and
  children
• Currently available services may not be quite
  right.

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Reflections

• What were your thoughts about this parenting
  education program?
• What concerns do you have, if any?

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Additional Concerns

• Disconnect between family presentation in group
  and reality at home
• Reinforcement of group for parents efforts
• Message that kids are forgiving and mistakes
  dont matter
• Collusion regarding how difficult children can be
  when they are misbehaving
• Focus on childs behavior, not parents
• No recognition of possibility of woman abuse

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Caring Dads Helping Fathers Value their Children
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Caring Dads Program

• 17 week program 2 hour sessions
• Groups of 8-12 fathers
• Two or three facilitators (male/female)
• Facilitator backgrounds
• Referrals from child welfare and probation

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Principle 1

• Interventions must recognize that men may not
  initially be ready for change

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Presenting Explanations

• They said he has an emotional problem but he
  doesnt. Hes just lazy. He knows how to beat
  the system.
• His mothers ruining it for us. Shes
  envioushas him saying Im an alcoholic, and now
  he wont come to work with me anymore.

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Implications for Referral

• Open referral criteria around denial and
  resistance
• Relationships with service providers who can
  mandate or strongly encourage attendance

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Implications for Intervention Caring Dads Goals
and Strategies
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Engage men to prevent dropout Enhance motivation
to change
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Motivational Interviewing Developing Discrepancy
How I was fathered as a child What I want to do
differently than my father
How I want to be as a father What I want to do
the same as my father
How my child experiences me
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Principle 2

• The focus of the intervention must be the abusive
  and maltreating fathers abuse of children and
  their lack of recognition and prioritization of
  childrens need for love, respect, security and
  autonomy-- Not their inability to control their
  childrens behavior.

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The Power Paradox

• Low power parents
• engage in more control-oriented appraisal
• are highly reactive to the possibility of lost
  control
• more likely to attribute negative intent
• are more likely to derogate children
• are more likely to be abusive and coercive
• Bugental et al.

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The Importance of Control

• What do you mean? I cant spank him, touch him
  or anything. Howm I supposed to control him?

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Narcissistic Involvement with Children

• Fathers involvement with their children may be
• predicated on fathers convenience rather than
  childrens needs
• primarily motivated to look good to others
• primarily motivated to anger and/or manipulate
  the childrens mother
• Bancroft Silverman (2002), The Batterer as
  Parent

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So, what happens when we offer traditional
parenting interventions to men with these sorts
of problems?
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What was wrong?
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What was Wrong?

• Continued control
• No reciprocity in the conversation
• High likelihood that Evan feels even more afraid
• Condescending tone
• Lack of genuine warmth
• Is this really any better?

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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Goal 2 Child-Centered Parenting
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The Parenting Continuum
Listen to them Get along with their mother Play
baseball Read to them Follow through with promises
Parent-centered Abusive behaviors
Child-centered behaviors
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Developing Child-Centered Fathering

• Core skills
• Self-evaluation
• Nurturing and praising
• Listening to and knowing children
• Understanding child development

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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
Goal 3 Recognizing Challenging Abuse /
Neglect
Goal 1 Engaging Men
Goal 2 Child- Centered Parenting
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Problem-Solving for Parents Steps

• What is the Situation?
• What was your Intention?
• Is intention about Child needs or Parent needs?
• Thoughts, feelings, and actions
• F
• A T
• Effects on child?
• Alternatives?

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What we do not teach and the alternatives
Underlying issue - attention Change
demands Arrange situation so problem doesnt
come up Positive reinforcement and natural
consequences

• Time-out
• One-two-three consequence
• Removal of privileges for bad behavior
• Behavioral contingencies

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Principle 3

• Men's abuse of children's mothers must be
  recognized and addressed as part of intervention
  for fathers.

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More Problems for Traditional Programs

• Most traditional parenting programs presume a
  basic level of cooperation and consistency
  between parents
• I was pissed off at her, so I took her to court
  to get custody to get her back for her mind
  games.
• I tell them not to listen to their mother.
• I get their mother to take care of the
  discipline. Im more laid back.

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Implications for Program Organization

• Include at least one facilitator with a firm
  understanding of the dynamics of woman abuse
• Mother-contact for information, referral, and
  safety planning

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Implications for Intervention

• Men's abuse of children's mothers is recognized
  and addressed as an integral part of intervention

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Motivational Interviewing Developing Discrepancy
How I was fathered as a child What I want to do
differently than my father
How I want to be as a father What I want to do
the same as my father
How my child experiences me
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The Parenting Continuum
Listen to them Get along with their mother Play
baseball Read to them Follow through with promises
Parent-centered Abusive behaviors
Child-centered behaviors
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Devoted Sessions

• Session 7 Fathers as part of families
• What kind of example do you set in your
  relationship with your children's mother?
• Session 13 Relationship with my child's mother

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Principle 4

• Fathers involvement in intervention should
  have the potential to benefit children,
  regardless of mens progress, or lack of
  progress, in making change.

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Caring Dads Goals and Strategies
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Implications for Program Organization

• Open communication with referral agents
• Clear feedback reports

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Examples of How Collaboration Works

• Encouraging compliance
• Sharing information about risk
• Connecting service providers
• Ensuring follow-through

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Summary

• Principles
• Recognize that fathers are not initially ready
  to change
• Address fathers valuing of children
• Cant be a good dad and an abusive partner
• System accountability

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• I used to think that kids just needed a good
  whack. Now I think they just need an adult to
  make an effort.

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Acknowledgments

• Tim Kelly (Executive Director, Changing Ways,
  London, Ontario)
• Claire Crooks, Ph.D., C. Psych. University of
  Western Ontario
• Karen Francis, Ph.D., Hamilton Health Sciences
  Centre
• CAS London
• Counterpoint, Toronto
• EMERGE, Boston
• Fathers who have participated in the program and
  research

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Contact us _at_

• www.caringdadsprogram.com
• kscott_at_oise.utoronto.on.ca

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Assessment and Evaluation Early Findings
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Self-Reported Difficulties
CAPI
PSI
AAPI
Assessment and Evaluation
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Physical Punishment

• Physical punishment is not right. But at some
  point, they need to know that dad and moms word
  means something. Before I kicked my kids in the
  ass to get them to do something that was wrong.
  But they need a slap on the ass at least.
• I only spanked my older son twice. I explained
  to him why I punched him.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Emotional Support

• Well if were talking on the phone and it sounds
  like hes getting upset or Im getting upset Ill
  say the boss is coming and Ill end it, Ill end
  the phone call.
• When he gets mad, like when he got put in the
  foster home, we just dont see him much til hes
  calmed down.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Parentification

• He knows if Im upset. Hell say Want to lay
  down in my room, dad? And hell kind of take
  care of me bring me another beer if the other
  ones empty.
• When we were split the kids would call me but I
  wouldnt take their calls.

Assessment and Evaluation
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Interview Data
Assessment and Evaluation