Living Well Is The Best Revenge

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Living Well Is The Best Revenge

• Survival Techniques

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Survival Strategies

• Becoming Active
• Creating Sanctuary
• As If Principle
• Becoming Solution Focused

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A list of 20 things to do when desperate

• Actively need to find alternative ways of keeping
  safe without relying on the mental health system.
• Write a list of things that might help, if the
  person feels distressed/ like self
  harming/suicidal.
• Keep it somewhere safe. Keep it by the phone.
• Give copies to people who support the person so
  that they can remind the her/him of things to do.
• The list might look something like this

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A list of 20 things to do when desperate

• Get into bed and wait for it to pass
• Stay in the day, the hour, the minute, the
  moment. This will pass it always does. Dont
  look too far ahead, it often increases my sense
  of despair and helplessness.
• Breathe, deep, slow breaths. Imagine my breathe
  flowing from my chest, up to head and down to the
  tips of my toes and filling me with calmness and
  peace.
• Phone Martin 0207 888 8888
• Phone Jane 0208 777 7777

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A list of 20 things to do when desperate

• Phone Peter - 0114 999 9999
• Phone The Samaritains - 08457 90 90 90
• Make a cup of tea
• Write a list of all the other times I have felt
  desperate and what I would have missed if I had
  succumbed to the despair.
• Draw
• Have a bath
• Listen to some relaxing /inspiring music
• Take a homeopathic remedy
• Do housework or some other mindless task
• Go out for a walk
• Water the plants
• Try and read something that calms me
• Pray
• Breathe
• Go to the top of the list

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Going To A Safe Place

• Ask the person to relax, close their eyes and to
  think of an experience of comfort and security.
  Notice all the details of that experience
  including sights, sounds, feelings, smells
• Invite the person to take some time to enjoy the
  experience and then to make any adjustments to
  the details of the experience which would enhance
  their comfort and security.

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Going To A Safe Place (Developing Associational
Cues For Comfort Safety)

• When the experience is just right invite the
  person to enjoy the experience one more time and
  then ask them to select a symbol a souvenir
  to be used to recall this experience of comfort
  and security in the future. The symbol may be a
  sight, a sound or a sensory experience that can
  be revivified.
• Re-orient to external reality, identify the
  symbol and then gently distract the person from
  the symbol.
• Then ask the person to use the symbol to
  re-access the state of comfort and security.
• The person can use the symbol whenever needed to
  re-elicit a deep state of comfort and security.

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Grounding exercise

• With your eyes open
• Find a safe, comfortable spot  
• Take a few deep, slow breaths  
• Look around and name five things you see, five
  things you hear and five things you physically
  feel  
• Then go back and name four things you see, four
  things you hear, and four things you physically
  feel  
• Then three, two, and one

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Mantras

• Originally a Hindu word or formula, chanted or
  sung as an incantation or prayer.
• A positive, supportive statement.
• Words of power that are repeated continuously in
  your head or said out loud and can also be posted
  around the house, to counter/contradict negative
  voices and/or thoughts.
• They can be statements that we create or
  loving/supportive statements that others have
  said to us.
• E.g. if a voice keeps saying to me
• You are a bad mother. I might say, I love my
  daughters and they love me.
• Or, if a voice keeps saying, you are doomed. I
  might say, I am safe now and I am free.

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Mantras

• Exercise
• Find another person to work with.
• Both share a common negative thought or voice
  that you experience.
• Help each other to find a mantra that counters
  that thought or voice.
• Remember to use short statements and words that
  focus on the positive.
• Write your mantras down. Repeat your mantra
  several times to yourself.

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Solution Focused

• This approach assumes that solution focused
  behavior already exists for people.
• Based on solution-building rather than
  problem-solving.
• Focuses on the desired future rather than on past
  problems or current conflicts.
• People are encouraged to increase the frequency
  of current useful behaviors.
• No problem happens all the time. There are
  exceptions that is, times when the problem
  could have happened but didnt that can be used
  to co-construct solutions.
• Small increments of change lead to large
  increments of change
• The goal is to co-construct a vision of a
  preferred future and draw on the persons past
  successes, strengths, and resources to make that
  vision a reality.

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Solution Focused Questions

• So what has been helping you to survive?
• How have you been getting through?
• How come you have not given up hope?
• So how come you have managed to get here today?
• How do you cope?

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Solution Focused Questions

• That situation sounds pretty overwhelming how do
  you get by?
• What is it that even gives you the strength to
  get up in the morning?
• So what have you been doing to stop things
  getting even worse?
• When are the times when that doesnt happen?
• When are the times that it seems less intense?

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Solution Focused Questions

• When you have faced this sort of problem in the
  past how did you resolve it?
• What other tough situations have you handled?
• If you read about a woman who had been through
  what you have been through, what do you imagine
  you would think of her?
• What does this teach you about yourself?

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Solution Focused Questions

• What have you learned from this experience?
• Have you always been a survivor or did you learn
  the hard way?
• How did you manage to keep your sense of
  humour/kindness/sense of justice - is this one of
  your qualities which has kept you going?

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Accessing Unconscious Resources Creating A
Positive Future Orientation

• Imagine that you have grown to be a healthy, wise
  old woman and you are looking back on this period
  in your life.
• What do you think that this wonderful, old wise
  you would suggest to you to help you get through
  this current phase of your life?
• What would she tell you to remember?
• What would she suggest that would be most helpful
  in helping you heal/recover?
• What would she say to comfort you?
• Does she have any advice about how our work
  together could be more useful and helpful?

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My Goals