Commitments

1
Commitments

• Women want need intimacy, equality
• Often dont find (in heterosexual relationships)
• Often settle for less than would prefer
• Satisfaction depends on both partners on social
  structural factors (outside of our control

2
Marriage

• Societies regulate private relationships between
  couples (e.g., minimum age, property division,
  grounds for divorce)
• Same-sex couples prohibited in most states,
  formerly interracial
• Religious codes, social norms serve same function
  (e.g., 79 of hunter-gatherer societies allowed
  more than 1 wife)
• Strong patriarchal heritage (e.g., wealth, titles
  passed on thru male heirs, woman as property)

3
Who Marries When

• Over 90 in Western society marry
• African-American women least likely due to
  shortage of men
• Women marry younger, under 18 in Africa, Asia
• First-time brides in U.S. now 25, formerly 20,
  more independent first
• Scandinavian countries lead trend to later
  marriage (only 15 of 24 y/os)
• Reasons for later marriage - other roles,
  contraception, longer financial dependence)

4
Who Marries Whom?

• Cultures differ in scripts - valuation of
  chastity, domesticity, monely, love,
  dependability, emotional stability
• Women emphasize ambition, earning ability, men
  attractiveness (evolution?)
• Preferences for men w/ resources greatest where
  women lack power
• Men views womens roles (wife, mtr.) more
  traditionally, women want more flexibility

5
Marriage Gradient

• Couples similar in values
• Where couples differ, man more often older,
  better educated, more prestigious job due to
  womens lack of opportunity
• Decreases as women gain equality
• Black women less likely to marry up

6
Kinds of Marriage

• Based on division of authority, spousal roles,
  amt. of shared activities companionship
• Traditional - dont expect to be best friends,
  wifes friends other women, separate leisure,
  likelihood increases if wife stops working
• Modern - near-peers, hes real provider, her work
  supplements, companions, share leisure, may
  discuss roles, second shift
• Egalitarian - share responsibilities equally,
  jobs equally important, households tasks by
  interest, ability (post-gender relationships),
  more intimacy, friendship

7
Power in Marriage

• True equality rare, long-term inequality male
  dominance the norm, myth of equality
• Women still do housework, their careers secondary
• 90 of men decide whether they change jobs, only
  39 of wives chose whether to work!d
• Justified by preferences, abilities
• Husbands deflect, blame wives, undermine
• Women also blame selves, make positive
  comparisons, dont or indirectly challenge status
  quo

8
Sources of Male Power

• Social class, ethnicity - working class, black
  couples have less differential
• Mens employment - social exchange theory,
  function of outside resources (money, education,
  prestige)
• Even when these similar or womens greater, men
  have more power - symbolic value of gender roles,
  provider role emphasized for men (wife seen as
  undermining), nurturer for women
• White, middle-class women have least power

9
Two Marriages Hers vs. His

• Marital satisfaction varies greatly over time, w/
  wives more often dissatisfied
• Satisfaction lowest when kids school-age, teens -
  unfair division of labor, felt out of control,
  chaotic
• Happiness often regained or surpassed when kids
  leave home - demands on money, time, freedom,
  flexibility
• Some studies show consistent downhill trend

10
Marriage Mental Health

• Married women have more problems than md. Men
• Single women (never-md., divorced, widows)
  healthier than single men
• Recent research - marriage good for both but
  benefits unequally distributed
• Full-time homemakers have worst mental health,
  employed husbands best
• Social, emotional support unequal, husbands most
  likely to confide in spouse, which predicts
  mental health for both genders

11
Equality Mental Health

• Equality predicts satisfaction w/ marriage,
  better sex communication, less manipulation
• Equality also predicts
• mental health for childless women
• Mothers perceive marriage as more unequal, this
  predicted symptoms

12
Lasting Marriages

• Love, friendship, intimacy, shared interests
  predict
• Change over time, less erotic, more
  friendship-based, more selfless, nurturing
  love (on mens part)
• Movement toward shared responsibilities,
  independence for wives
• For md., inequality doesnt predict divorce (does
  for cohabiting)

13
Lesbian Couples

• Lack institutional, social support, make own
  roles
• Usually dont adopt heterosexual roles, share
  housework, balance work roles
• Independent roles (not butch or femme) w/ higher
  education, income
• Butch/femme roles, when adopted not about
  relationship dominance
• Select for intelligence, interpersonal
  sensitivity
• Unclear whether more often equal

14
Relationship Satisfaction for Lesbians

• More relational approach to sex, enjoying more in
  committed relationships
• Lower satisfaction when differing levels of
  career commitment
• Capacity for intimacy predicts actual intimacy,
  communication for lesbians (in straight couples
  males limit intimacy)
• Social support predicts couple satisfaction,
  individual adjustment
• Mixed results on being out

15
Cohabiting Couples

• Dramatic recent increase but still lower than
  many industrialized countries (e.g., Swedes)
• Those who do more liberal, less often monogamous
• Higher rates for blacks, Hispanics than whites w/
  some subgroups differences
• Most satisfied but not equal in terms of division
  of labor

16
Divorce

• U.S. divorce rate highest of any industrialized
  nation, more options for women, changed laws
  attitudes
• Black women more likely, then whites, then
  Hispanics
• Age at marriage predicts
• Women cite infidelity, substances, abuse, men
  dont know or cite communication, both cite
  incompatibility
• Disillusionment in 1st 2 yrs. prediccts

17
Emotional Consequences of Divorce

• Most women experience anger, helplessness,
  ambivalence
• Some view as increased independence, end of
  stressful or unbearable situation
• Males adjust worse, esp. in short run
• In study of successful marriages, almost half
  werent first marriages

18
Financial Consequences

• Mens financial status improves, womens declines
  (by 30-40 on average)
• Wives unpaid labor not considered in most
  (no-fault) divorces
• Only 15 of women awarded support, most for only
  2 yrs., less than half received
• Child support inadequate, many dont receive
• Over 25 fall into poverty within 5 yrs.

19
Remarriage

• About 2/3 remarry, about 1/2 within 3 hrs.
• White women remarry more than black or Hispanic
• Lower education, income predicts
• Higher rate of spouse abuse (in remd. families)
• Complex dynamics structure stressful
• More likely to end in divorce

20
Domestic Violence

• 21-34 of women report but much underreporting
• Similar rates in lesbian couples but causes
  difference
• Physical violence almost always combined w/
  psychological abuse
• Where patriarchy strong, wife-beating accepted
• Almost no legal consequences prior to last
  womens movement
• Womens aggression usually self-defense

21
More on Relationship Violence

• Patriarchal terrorism - severe, escalating male
  violence w/ rare or no retaliation, more frequent
  than common couples violence
• Pervades other interactions, husband controls
  wife continuously, prolonged severe stress
• Serious injury or death more likely if leaves
• Obstacles to leaving
• Practical - economic, childcare
• Cyclical nature of violence
• Helplessness - battered womens syndrome (ptsd)
• Lack of support

22
Ending Relationship Violence

• Equality - integrate family work
  responsibilities, resist social pressure, women
  must lead way, negotiate (perceive inequality)
• Equality will bring less burden on men, womens
  better adjustment, more intimacy relationship
  satisfaction
• Biggest obstacle is mens greater earnings
  consequent investment in his career
• Networks of likeminded people for support