Writing With Style: Individual Elements

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Writing With Style Individual Elements
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What do we mean by style?

• Style refers to the effectiveness of words,
  sentences, paragraphs, and overall tone of your
  message

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Poor Style Example

• During the preceding year just past, Oxford
  Industries operated at a financial deficit. It
  closed three plants. It laid off many employees.
  The companys president was recently named Iowa
  Small Business Executive of the Year. Oxford is
  now endeavoring to ascertain the causes of its
  financial situation. The company president said
  that . . .

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Revised Style Example

• Last year Oxford Industries lost money and, as a
  result, closed three plants and laid off 200
  employees. Now the company is trying to
  determine the causes of its problems. In an
  explanation to stockholders, Oxfords president,
  who was recently named Iowa Small Business
  Executive of the Year, said that . . .

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Steps to an Effective Message - Words

• Write clearly
• Prefer short, simple words
• Write with vigor
• Write concisely
• Prefer positive language

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Steps to an Effective Message - Sentences

• Use a variety of sentence types
• Use active and passive voice appropriately

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Steps to an Effective Message - Paragraphs

• Keep paragraphs unified and coherent
• Use parallel structure
• Use similar grammatical structure for similar
  ideas (see page 143)
• Control paragraph length

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Effective Writing Style Principles Overall Tone

• Write confidently
• Use a courteous and sincere tone
• Use appropriate emphasis and subordination
• Use nondiscriminatory language
• Stress the You attitude
• Design your documents for readability

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Words - Write Clearly

• Be accurate maintain credibility
• The executive committee of Mitchell Financial
  Services met on Monday, May 16, 2003, to
  determine how to resolve the distribution fiasco.

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Words - Write Clearly

• Be complete avoid confusion
• A message is complete when it contains all the
  information the reader needs no more and no
  less to react appropriately.

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Words - Write Clearly

• Use familiar words be understood
• Use language that you and your reader understand

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• Marilyn vos Savant (identified by Guinness Book
  of World Records as the smartest person alive)
  asked students what the following paragraph meant

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• When promulgating your esoteric cogitations or
  articulating your superficial sentimentalities
  and amicable philosophical and psychological
  observations, beware of platudinous ponderosity.
  Let your verbal evaporations have lucidity,
  intelligibility, and veracious vivacity without
  rodomontade or thespian bombast. Sedulously
  avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous
  propensity, and sophomoric vacuity.

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TranslationDont use big words!
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Words - Write Clearly

• Avoid Dangling Expressions
• Make the subject the doer of the action expressed
  in the introductory clause.
• Move the expression closer to the word it
  modifies.
• Make sure the specific word to which the pronoun
  refers is clear.

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Make the subject the doer of the action expressed
in the introductory clause.

• Not After reading the proposal, a few problems
  occurred to me.
• But After reading the proposal, I noted a few
  problems.

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Move the expression closer to the word it
modifies

• Not Dr. Ellis gave a presentation on the use of
  drugs in our auditorium.
• What does this mean? How to use drugs in the
  auditorium?
• But Dr. Ellis gave a presentation in our
  auditorium on the use of drugs.

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Make sure the specific word to which the pronoun
refers is clear.

• Not Robin explained the proposal to Joy, but
  she was not happy with it.
• Who was not happy? Robin or Joy
• But Robin explained the proposal to Joy, but
  Joy was not happy with it.

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Avoid Unnecessary Jargon

• Not Your incorrect bill was caused by a
  computer virus, which disabled the error-lockout
  function, resulting in encrypted data.
• But Your incorrect bill was caused by a
  temporary software problem, which allowed
  unreadable data to enter the computer.

Text
Text
Text
Text
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Use Short, Simple Words

• Not To recapitulate, our utilization of
  adulterated water precipitated the delays.
• Rework this sentence
• Long words used in a clear sentence are
  acceptable.

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• But To review, our use of impure water caused
  the endless delays.

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Needlessly Long Words

• Ascertain (learn)
• Endeavor (try)
• Enumerate (list)
• Fluctuate (vary)
• Indispensable (vital)
• Initiate (start)

• Modification (change)
• Recapitulate (review)
• Substantial (large)
• Termination (end)
• Utilization (use)

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Write With Vigor Use Specific, Concrete Language

• Not The shipment will arrive next week.
• But The paper shipment will arrive on Monday
  morning

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Write With Vigor Avoid Cliches, Slang, and
Buzz Words

• Not Enclosed please find an application form
  that you should return at your earliest
  convenience.

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Jargon, Slang, Buzz Words, Clichés, Colloquialisms

• Jargon is a language of an inner circle
• Slang is playful informal language that is often
  much like a colloquialism in that it can be
  familiar to a specific region or group of people
• Colloquialisms are words that are familiar to a
  specific region (town, state, region, state)

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• Buzz Words are words that are important sounding
  to a specific environment. Used to impress
  people
• Clichés are expressions that have lost their
  original meaning or originality through over-use.
  They are often monotonous

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Overused Expressions (clichés)

• According to our records
• Company policy requires
• Do not hesitate to
• For your information
• If I can be of further help
• If you have any other questions

• It goes without saying that
• Needless to say
• Our records indicate that
• Please be advised that
• Take this opportunity to
• Under separate cover
• I would like to

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Avoid SlangMeanings Can Change

• Can of worms
• Chew out
• Go for broke
• Hate ones guts
• Knock it off
• Once-over

• Pay through the nose
• Play up to
• Security blanket
• Use your noodle
• Wiped out
• Zonked out

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Avoid Buzz WordsGo Out of Fashion Too Quickly

• Bottom line
• Done deal
• Interface
• No-brainer

• Paradigm
• User-friendly
• Vision statement
• Strategize

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Write ConciselyAvoid Redundancy

• Not Each and every member of the committee was
  present.
• But Every committee member was present.

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Write ConciselyAvoid Redundancy

• Not Signing both copies of the lease is a
  necessary requirement.
• But Signing both copies of the lease is
  necessary.

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Write ConciselyAvoid Redundancy

• Not Combine the ingredients together.
• But Combine the ingredients.

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Write ConciselyAvoid Redundancy

• Planning
• Any or all
• Basics or fundamentals
• But or nevertheless
• History
• Plan
• Repeat
• Sum or total
• When or if

• Advance planning
• Any and all
• Basic fundamentals
• But nevertheless
• Past history
• Plan ahead
• Repeat again
• Sum total
• When and if

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Write ConciselyAvoid Wordy Expressions

• Due to the fact that (because)
• In the event that (if)
• Please feel free (please)
• Arrived at the conclusion (concluded)
• Came to an agreement (agreed)

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Write ConciselyAvoid Hidden Verbs

• Not Carl made an announcement that he will give
  consideration to our request.
• But Carl announced that he will consider our
  request.

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Write Concisely Hidden Verbs

• Arrived at the conclusion (concluded)
• Came to an agreement (agreed)
• Gave a demonstration of (demonstrated)
• Gave an explanation (explained)
• Has a requirement for (requires)
• Held a meeting (met)
• Made a payment (paid)
• Performed an analysis of (analyzed)

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Write ConciselyAvoid Hidden Subjects

• Not There was no indication that it is
  necessary to include John in the meeting.
• But No one indicated that John should be
  included in the meeting.

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Avoid Hidden Subjects

• There is a meeting scheduled for tomorrow.
• A meeting is scheduled for tomorrow.
• There are many people applying for the position.
• Many people are applying
• We performed an analysis of the chemicals.
• We analyzed the chemicals

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Write ConciselyAvoid Hidden Subjects

• Not It is my opinion that you should improve
  your writing skills.
• But You should improve your writing skills.

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How would you rewrite these sentences?

• It is necessary to be on time.
• It is satisfying to prepare a neat and effective
  message.
• It is true that a reliable report must be
  accurate.
• It would be a good idea to submit that suggestion
  now.
• It would be appreciated if you would reply by
  return mail.
• It is a good idea to backup your computer.

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Write Concisely Condense

• Not This brochure, which we are providing free
  of charge, will answer your questions.
• But This free brochure will answer your
  questions.

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Prefer Positive Language

• Not We cannot ship your merchandise until we
  receive your check.
• But As soon as we receive your check, we will
  ship your merchandise.
• Avoid cannot, mistake, failure, deny, refuse.

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Prefer Positive Language

• Not I do not yet have any work experience.
• But My two terms as secretary of the Management
  Club taught me the importance of accurate record
  keeping and gave me experience in working as part
  of a team.
• In this case a longer sentence is best.

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Prefer Positive Language

• Not We close at 7 p.m. on Fridays.
• But Were open until 7 p.m. on Fridays to give
  you time to shop after work.

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Write Effective SentencesUse a Variety of
Sentence Types

• Simple Sentence (one independent clause)
• Compound Sentence (two or more independent
  clauses)
• Complex Sentence (one or more independent clauses
  and at least one dependent clause)

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Independent Clause

• A word group that contains a subject and a verb
  and can stand alone as a complete sentence
• An independent clause is the same as a main
  clause
• There are 43 orders to fill, but we will close
  for vacation as scheduled.
• There are 43 orders to fill
• We will close for vacation as scheduled
• And, or, but, and nor are coordinating
  conjunctions. Place a comma before any of these
  words if they separate two independent clauses

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Dependent Clause

• A word group that contains a subject and a verb
  and cannot stand alone as a complete sentence
• When Mr. Howard calls, ask him for his new
  address and send him copies of the new price
  list.
• When Mr. Howard calls applies to both clauses
• The second clause is not an independent thought
• Dependent clause is the same as a subordinate
  clause

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Use a Variety of Sentence Lengths Patterns
Too Choppy

• Golden Nugget will not purchase the Claridge
  Hotel. The hotel is 60 years old. The asking
  price was 110 million. It was not considered
  too high. Golden Nuggett had wanted some
  commitments from New Jersey regulators. The
  regulators were unwilling to provide such
  commitments. Some observers believe the refusal
  was not the real reason for the decision. They
  blame the weak Atlantic City economy for the
  cancellation. Golden Nugget purchased the Stake
  House in Las Vegas in 1990. It lost money on
  that purchase. It does not want to repeat its
  mistake in Atlantic City.

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Use a Variety of Sentence Lengths Patterns
More Variety

• Golden Nugget will not purchase the 60-year-old
  Claridge Hotel, even though the 100 million
  asking price was not considered too high. The
  company had wanted some commitments from New
  Jersey regulators, which the regulators were
  unwilling to provide. However, some observers
  blame the cancellation on the weak Atlantic City
  economy. Golden Nugget lost money on its 1990
  purchase of the Stake House in Las Vegas, and it
  does not want to repeat its mistake in Atlantic
  City.

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Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

• Use active voice in most business writing
• Active Jason presented an excellent report on
  the Internet.
• Passive An excellent report on the Internet was
  presented by Jason.

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Passive vs. Active Sentences

• The meeting was attended by the entire faculty.
  (passive)
• The entire faculty attended the meeting. (active)
• The pictures were hung on the wall by Kara.
  (passive)
• Kara hung the pictures on the wall. (active)
• The game was won by a home run from Tom.
  (passive)
• Tom won the game with a home run. (active)

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Developing Logical Paragraphs

• Keep similar ideas together in one paragraph.
• Use topic sentences.
• Transition sentences smoothly.
• Use a minimum of two sentences per paragraph.
• Break long paragraphs into smaller concepts.

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Use Parallel Structure

• Not
• Mary is not only proficient in word processing
  but also in desktop publishing.

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Use Parallel Structure

• But Mary is proficient in word processing and
  desktop publishing.

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Writing With Style Conclusion

• Use short, simple, specific, and concrete words
• Avoid dangling expressions, clichés, slang, buzz
  words, and jargon
• Write concisely avoid redundancies, wordy
  expressions, and hidden subjects and verbs
• Prefer positive language stress what you can do
  rather than what you cant do

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Writing With Style Conclusion cont.

• Use a variety of sentence types
• Use active voice
• Develop one topic per paragraph
• Develop unified and coherent paragraphs
• Use transitional words and parallelism
• Avoid extremely short or long paragraphs