The Emotion Wheel: Primary and Mixed Emotions

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The Emotion Wheel Primary and Mixed Emotions
Love
Joy
Acceptance

• Joy

Fear
Anticipation
Surprise
Anger
Sadness
Disgust
Remorse
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INFLUENCES ON EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
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Influences on Emotional Expression

• Culture
• Gender
• Social Conventions
• Social Roles
• Inability to Recognize Emotions
• Fear of Self-Disclosure

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Culture

• Collectivist Cultures (e.g. Japan, India)
• More apprehensive about relational communication
  than Americans and Europeans
• Prize harmony among members of their in group
• Discourage expression of negative emotions that
  might upset relationships among people who belong
  to it
• Frank about expressing negative emotions toward
  outsiders
• Could regard North Americans as overly
  demonstrative

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Culture

• Individualistic Cultures (U.S., Canada)
• Fear of strangers and risky situations more
  likely to frighten people in the U.S. than in
  Japan
• Feel comfortable revealing their feelings to
  people with whom they are close
• Individualists more likely to hide such emotions
  as dislike
• North Americans might view collectivist Asians as
  less than candid

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Gender

• Research suggests there may be some truth to the
  cultural stereotype of the unexpressive male and
  the more demonstrative female.
• Women more likely to express feelings of
  vulnerability, including fear, sadness,
  loneliness and embarrassment.
• Men rarely express the above to male friends, but
  may open up the the women they love.

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Gender

• Difference may also exist in sensitivity to
  others emotions
• Women may have greater ability to recognize
  emotions that are expressed in the facial
  expressions, movements, and vocal cues of others.
• Gender is not the only variable that affects
  emotional sensitivity
• People generally better at recognizing emotions
  of members of the same sex
• Familiarity with the person leads to greater
  sensitivity.
• Difference in power
• Gender differences are statistical averages, and
  many men and women dont fit these profiles.

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Gender - Womens SpeechTalk is the essence of
relationships. Women tend to

• match experiences to communicate equality
• Ive felt the same way.
• show support for others
• I think you did the right thing.
• ask questions for greater understanding
• Tell me more about what happened.
• invite others to speak
• How was your day? Tell me about your
  meeting.
• usually respond in some way to what others say
  Tell me more. Thats interesting. (nod, eye
  contact)
• use more tentative speech with qualifiers
• Im probably not the best judge of this, but...
• That was a pretty good movie, wasnt it?

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Mens SpeechMen tend to

• give advice
• Dont let him do that to you. You ought to
  tell him...
• dominate the conversation
• boys and men talk more frequently than women
• men interrupt to control conversation
• express themselves in absolute ways
• communicate in general terms, distanced from
  concrete experiences and feelings
• tends not to be highly responsive
• yeah or umhmm
• lack of expressed sympathy and understanding

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Social Conventions

• In mainstream U.S. Society unwritten rules of
  communication discourage direct expression of
  most emotions
• Comfortable with making statements of fact or
  opinion
• Emotions that people share are usually positive.
• Communicators reluctant to embarrass
• Displays of anger usually suppressed
• child raising
• work place
• personal relationships
• Social rules even discourage too much expression
  of positive feelings

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Social Roles

• Sales people taught to smile at customers no
  matter how obnoxious
• Teachers must be rational, instructing students
  with total impartiality
• Students rewarded for asking acceptable
  questions, but otherwise being submissive

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Inability to Recognize Emotion

• Because of restrictions, many of us lose the
  ability to feel deeply.
• Crying often difficult
• Years of denying anger makes the emotion
  difficult to recognize.
• For someone who has never acknowledged love for
  ones friends, accepting that emotion is difficult

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Fear of Self-Disclosure

• In a society that discourages expression of
  feelings, emotional self-disclosure can seem
  risky
• Expression of affection might be construed as a
  romantic invitation
• Confession of uncertainty might be viewed as
  weakness.
• Emotional honesty may make others feel
  uncomfortable
• Chance that emotional honesty could be used
  against you, either out of cruelty or
  thoughtlessness

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GUIDELINES FOR EXPRESSING EMOTION
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Recognize your Feelings

• Physiological changes
• Nonverbal behavior
• Verbal messages

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Choose the Best Language

• We suffer from limited emotional vocabularies
• Several ways to express a feeling verbally
• Through single words Im angry (or
  depressed, curious,)
• By describing whats happening to you My
  stomach is tied in knots, Im on top of the
  world.
• By describing what youd like to do I feel
  like running away, Id like to give you a hug,
  I feel like giving up.
• Emotionally counterfeit feelings
• I feel like (want) to go to the show. Better
  Im bored and want to go to the show.
• I feel like weve been seeing too much of each
  other. Better I think weve been seeing too
  much of each other and I feel confined.

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Share Mixed Feelings

• You might express your anger but overlook the
  confusion, disappointment, frustration, sadness,
  or embarrassment that preceded it.

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Recognize the Difference between Feeling and
Acting

• Because you feel a certain way does not mean you
  have to act on it
• Pretending that nothing is the matter, however,
  will do nothing to diminish your resentful
  feelings.

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Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings

• Language should refect the fact that you are
  responsible for your feelings
• Instead of Youre making me angry, say, Im
  getting angry.
• Instead of You hurt my feelings, say, I feel
  hurt when you do that.
• People dont make us like or dislike them, and
  believing that they do denies the responsibility
  each of us has for our own emotions.

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Choose the Best Time and Place to Express Your
Feelings

• The first flush of a strong feeling is not the
  best time to speak out.
• Wait until you have thought out carefully how you
  might express yourself in a way that will be
  heard.
• Be sure the recipient of your message is ready to
  hear you out before you begin.

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Express Your Feelings Clearly

• You can often summarize them in a few words
  --hurt, glad, confused, excited, resentful, etc.
• Avoid overqualifying or downplaying your
  emotions, Im a little unhappy or Im pretty
  excited or Im sort of confused.

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Express Your Feelings Clearly (Contd.)

• Avoid expressing feelings in a coded (indirect)
  manner
• Direct Im lonesome.
• Indirect I guess there isnt much happening,
  so if youre not busy, why dont you drop by?
• People who send coded messages stand less of a
  chance of having their emotions understood --and
  their needs met.
• Make sure you and your partner understand that
  your feeling is centered on specific
  circumstances rather than being indicative of the
  whole relationship.
• Instead of saying, I resent you, say, I resent
  you when you dont keep your promises.
• Rather than, Im bored with you, say Im bored
  when you talk about money.

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Feelings and Phrases

• Choose a situation from Column A and a receiver
  from column B.
• Create a statement that would effectively express
  your feelings for this combination.

Column A Situations a. You have been stood up
for a date or appointment. b. The other person
pokes fun at your schoolwork. c. The other
person compli- ments you on your ap- pearance,
then says, I hope I havent embar- rassed
you. d. The other person gives you a hug and
says, Its good to see you.
Column B Receivers a. An instructor b. A
family member (You decide which one.) c. A
classmate you dont know well d. Your best
friend
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MANAGING DIFFICULT EMOTIONSFacilitativeDebilita
tive
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Facilitative vs. Debilitative

• Facilitative contribute to effective functioning
• Less intense than debilitative
• a little nervousness may improve performance
• some anger or irritation may be constructive
• a little suspicion can make people more effective
  communicators
• Facilitative of shorter duration
• Depression natural after losing a job or after a
  failed relationship
• Life-long grieving over your loss accomplishes
  nothing
• Staying angry for a wrong inflicted years ago
  punishes yourself.

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You Can
STOP DEBILITATIVE FEELINGS!
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THOUGHTS CAUSE FEELINGS
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Thoughts cause feelings

• Its common to say that strangers or your boss
• makes you nervous like a bee sting causes pain
• Event Feeling
• Bee sting Physical Pain
• Meeting strangers Nervousness
• Looking at emotions this way, you seem to have
  little control over how you feel. But you do It
  is not events such as meeting strangers or being
  jilted by a lover that cause people to feel bad,
  but rather the beliefs they hold about these
  events.

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Thoughts cause feelings

• Its interpretations people make of an event,
  during the process of self-talk, that determine
  their feelings. Thus, a model for emotions,
  looks like this
• Event Thought Feeling
• Being called names Ive done something
  wrong. hurt, upset
• Being called names My friend must be
  sick. concern, sympathy
• Hearing, I love you This is a genuine
  statement. delight (perhaps) Hearing,
  I love you S/hes just saying this anger
  to manipulate me.
• One study revealed that women are more likely
  than men to regard expressions of love as genuine
  statements instead of attributing them to other
  causes.