Conflict Chapter 13

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Conflict (Chapter 13)

• The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave
  behind a sense of security and calm that is not
  easily disturbed. It is just these intense
  conflicts and their conflagration which are
  needed to produce valuable and lasting results.
• - Carl Jung

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Conflict

• Disagreement between or among connected
  individuals such as friends, lovers, or family
  members.
• Each persons position and actions affect the
  other person.

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Assertive Communication (Chapter 6)

• Nonassertiveness
• You Win, I lose
• Aggressiveness
• I Win, You Lose
• Assertiveness
• I Win, You Win

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Nature of ConflictTrue or False?

• If two people engage in relationship conflict, it
  means their relationship is in trouble.
• Conflict hurts an interpersonal relationship.
• Conflict is bad because it reveals our negative
  selvesfor example, our pettiness, our need to be
  in control, our unreasonable expectations.

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Inevitability

• Conflict will occur in most relationships.
• What matters for interpersonal communication is
  how you deal with it.

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Nature of Conflict

• If conflict is approached properly, it can
  actually help a relationship.
• What is revealing is how you approach conflict.

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Stages in Conflict Resolution
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1. Defining the Conflict

• Content and Relationship issues
• Specific Terms
• Focus on Present
• Empathize
• Avoid Mind Reading

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Avoid Gunnysacking

• Comes from the large burlap bag called a
  gunnysack.
• Storing up grievances from the past for use in
  future disputes.

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2. Examine Possible Solutions

• Brainstorm solutions
• Create an open, supportive environment
• Look for win-win solutions (Assertive
  Communication)

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3. Test the Solution

• Test solution mentally in present and future.
• Test solution in practice.

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4. Evaluate the Solution

• Use six thinking hats
• Fact
• Feeling
• Negative Argument (Devils Advocate)
• Positive Benefits
• Creative New Idea
• Control of Thinking

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5. Accept or Reject Solution

• Make sure both communicators are satisfied.
• Learn from the conflict
• Keep the conflict in perspective
• Attack negative feelings
• Increase exchange of rewards and positive
  communication

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Seven Unproductive Conflict Strategies (FAB VANS)

• Forcers
• Avoidance
• Beltlining
• Verbal Aggressiveness
• Argumentativeness
• Non-Negotiation
• Silencers
• What kind of communication is being used in these
  types (Assertive, Aggressive, or Passive)?

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Forcers

• Physically overpowering the other person, either
  by threat or actual behavior.

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Avoidance

• Taking or mental or physical flight from the
  conflict.

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Beltlining

• Arguing in an unfair way, below the belt.
• Usually creates resentment and retaliation.

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Verbal Aggressiveness

• Attacking the other persons self concept.

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Argumentativeness

• Willingness to argue for your point of view. But
  often without considering others feelings.

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Non-Negotiation

• Refusing to discuss the conflict, or listen to
  the other person.

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Silencers

• Tactic such as crying that literally silences the
  other person.