Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices, and Constraints Seventh Edition

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• Marriages and FamiliesChanges, Choices, and
  ConstraintsSeventh Edition
• Nijole V. Benokraitis
• Chapter Nine
• Singlehood, Cohabitation, Civil Unions,
• and Other Options

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The Single Option

• More and more people today are choosing never to
  get married, to raise children on their own, and
  to stay alone.
• Some social scientists are seeing this as a
  marriage problem.

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Many Singles Are Postponing Marriage

• Most young people are pursuing a college
  education these days, preparing for a job or
  career.
• In 1960 the median age for marriage was 20 for
  the woman and almost 23 for the men.
• People feel that being single is an attractive
  option.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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Many Singles Are Postponing Marriage

• Many young people are pursuing a college
  education and a career before marrying. Many of
  us are marrying later than our parents or
  grandparents did.
• Being single had become more acceptable.
• Many young people feel that if you are not
  married by 30, something is wrong with youit
  used to be 20.

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The Diversity of Singles

• There are several kind of singles
• those who are delaying marriage.
• those who will never marry.
• the currently unmarried who are divorced or
  widowed.
• the gay or lesbian couples who are legally barred
  from being married in 44 states.

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Single Adults in Later Life

• Aging and the double standard In mate
  selection, aging women are typically seen as
  over the hill, whereas aging men are often
  described as mature or distinguished. Older
  women are also more likely to remain single in
  later life than older men are.

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Home Alone

• Most (90) of Americans do marry at some point in
  their lives, so marriage is still considered the
  norm.
• Who is living alone?
• More women (17) than men (12) live alone.
• Of all groups, older Americans are the most
  likely to live alone.
• On average, women live six years longer than men
  and they are less likely than men to get
  remarried.

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Race and Ethnicity

• Of all the people who live alone, more than 80
  are white. Members of racial and ethnic
  minorities are more likely to live in an extended
  family situation because of values that emphasize
  caring for family members.

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Why Do People Live Alone?

• Many who choose to live alone do so because they
  can afford it.
• Single women buy twice as many homes as single
  men.
• Our values emphasize individualism.
• Americans are living longer and healthier lives,
  making it possible for them to live independently
  after retirement.
• Americans have more options. They may choose
  never to marry.

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Why More People Are Single

• Macro-Level Factors
• Things over which we have little or no control
  affect our decisions about marriage
• war
• technology
• social movements
• the economy
• gender roles

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Macro-Level Factors

• Marriage rates drop during war.
• Technological advances in contraceptive
  techniques, especially the birth control pill,
  have decreased marriage rates. Women have
  greater control over childbearing.
• Several social movements have also resulted in
  delayed marriage or shaped our definitions of
  acceptable marriage. The womens movement, the
  gay rights movement, and most recently a
  grassroots movement promoting singlehood.

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Economic Factors

• Economic depressions or recessions can delay
  marriage. Economics can also reduce the marriage
  market for singles. When income plummets and
  people are insecure about wages, they may stay
  together unhappily, thus decreasing the
  availability of singles.

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Gender Roles

• Technological and economic transitions affect
  gender roles. As economic factors change, so do
  attitudes about marriage and self-efficacy.
• Women arent rushing into marriage.

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Demographic Variables

• The sex ratiothe proportion of men to women in a
  country or a group. A ratio of 100 means there
  are equal numbers of men and women a ratio of
  110 means there are 110 men for every 100 women.
• Worldwide, about 107 boys are born for every 100
  girls (a sex ratio of 107). In the U.S., the sex
  ratio is 105 at birth. In the 65 and over age
  group, the ratio is 75 because women tend to live
  longer than men.

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Demographic Variables
The marriage squeezea sex imbalance in the ratio
of available unmarried women and men. Because of
this imbalance, members of one sex can be
squeezed out of the marriage market because of
differences in wealth, power, status, education,
age, or other factors that diminish the pool of
eligible partners.
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Demographic Variables

• Social classmost low-income couples expect to
  marry, especially after the birth of an unplanned
  child, but they often retreat from marriage.
  They believe they should achieve a certain level
  of financial stability.
• The likelihood of marriage increases with
  educational attainment.

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Demographic Variables
Non-marital child bearingnever-married mothers
tend to remain single because they cant find
good husbands. Prospective partners may be
unwilling to raise nonbiological children. Also,
women who are poor are often unwilling men who
have little education and few financial
resources.
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Individual Reasons

• Waiting for a soul mate
• Being independent
• Enjoying close relationships with peers
• Not wanting to make a commitment
• Having children
• Fearing divorce
• Being healthy and physically attractive

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Individual Reasons

• Waiting for a soul matemany singles are waiting
  longer to get married to find their one true
  love.
• Being independentone of the biggest benefits of
  singlehood is independence and autonomy.
• Enjoying close relationshipsA common reason for
  getting married is companionship. Singles who
  delay marriage rely on peers rather than a spouse
  for support and companionship.

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Individual Reasons

• Making a commitmentthere are more never-married
  men than women in all but the oldest age groups.
  Many single men do not want to get married.
• Having childrencouples often marry because they
  plan to have a family. Nearly 70 of Americans
  disagree with the statement that getting married
  is the sole reason to have children. Some women
  first choose to have children and then get
  married.

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Individual Reasons
Fearing divorcedivorce or prolonged years of
conflict between parents can have a negative
effect on young adults perception of
marriage. Being young and attractiveemotional
and physical health and physical appeal also
affect singlehood. In the marriage market, most
men are initially drawn only to good-looking
women.
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Racial and Ethnic Singles

• Among some ethnic groups, the unmarried
  population has risen during the past few
  generations.
• Many structural factors as well as attitudes and
  values explain these changes.

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African Americans

• Compared to other groups, African Americans are
  the most likely to be unmarried.
• Structural factorthe shortage of marriageable
  African American men.
• Values and attitudeshomogamy generally limits
  the pool of eligible mates across social classes.

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Latinos

• Latinas are generally less likely than African
  American women to experience a shortage of
  marriageable partners.
• Structural factorsthe Latino population is young
  and a higher percentage has not reached
  marriageable age. Recent immigrants are
  postponing marriage until they can support a
  family. It is difficult for undocumented or
  migrant workers to marry. Low wages and high
  unemployment can delay marriage or increase the
  number of singles because of divorce.

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Latinos

• Values and attitudessingle mothers may remain
  unmarried because of close family tiesfamily
  members help raise and support out-of-wedlock
  children.

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Asian Americans

• Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders have some
  of the lowest singlehood rates.
• Structural factorsintermarriage decreases
  singlehood rates, especially among Asian American
  women.
• Values and attitudesthey see the family as the
  core of society.

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Myths About Being Single

• Singles are selfish and self-centered.
• Singles are well-off financially.
• Singles are usually lonely and miserable and want
  to marry.
• Singles are promiscuous or dont get any sex.
• Singles children are doomed to a life of poverty
  as well as emotional and behavioral problems.
• Singles worry about growing old and dying alone.
• Theres something wrong with people who dont
  want to marry.

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Cohabitation

• Cohabitation is a living arrangement in which two
  unrelated people are not married but live
  together and are in a sexual relationship.
• The number of heterosexual unmarried couples has
  increased more than twelve times since the 1960s.
• Acceptance of cohabitation has increased.

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Types of Cohabitation

• Dating cohabitationa prelude to getting married.
• Premarital cohabitationagain a prelude to
  marriage but couples are usually engaged.
• Trial marriagethe partners in this relationship
  want to see what marriage might be like.
• Substitute marriagea long-term commitment
  between two people who dont plan to marry.

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Who Cohabits?

• Agemany people think young college-age people
  cohabitate the most, but in fact only 20 of all
  cohabiters are age 24 or younger. A majority
  (56) are between 25 and 44.
• Genderby age 30,half of all U.S. women have
  cohabitated.
• Race and ethnicitythe highest rates of
  cohabitation occurs among American Indians/Native
  Alaskans and African Americans Groups (about 17
  for each group).

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Who Cohabits?
Social classmore common among people of lower
educational levels and lower income
levels. Religionteens who grow up attending
church tend not to believe cohabitation is
acceptable, however, those teens who grow up not
attending church do not have a problem with
cohabitation.
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Costs and Benefitsof Cohabitation

• Benefits
• Emotional security but can also maintain some
  independence.
• Partners can dissolve the relationship without
  legal paperwork.
• Couples who postpone marriage have a lower rate
  of divorce.

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Costs and Benefitsof Cohabitation

• Benefits (cont.)
• It can help people find out how much they really
  care about each other.
• Among the elderly it can increase family care.
• Dont have to deal with in-laws.
• Children can be helped financially if both
  parties are working.

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Costs and Benefitsof Cohabitation

• Costs
• Experience a loss of identity or feeling of being
  trapped.
• Women in cohabitating relationships do more of
  the housework, especially when the man is not
  committed to the relationship.

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Costs and Benefitsof Cohabitation
Costs (cont.)

• Weaker commitment to their relationship than
  those who are married.
• Demonstrate more negative behaviors after
  marriage.
• Dilutes intergenerational ties.
• There are no legal protections in most states.

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Does Cohabitation Lead to a Better Marriage?

• No, it doesnt. It may be because of a selection
  effect, which suggests that people who cohabitate
  before marriage have different characteristics
  than those who do not.
• The cohabitation effect may lead to marital
  instability. Cohabitation can increase the
  likelihood of divorce because the couple got used
  to the impermanent nature of the relationship.

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How Does Cohabitation Affect Children?

• Experience more domestic violence
• Are more likely to be poor
• Are in households in which the partners spend
  more on adult goods and less on children
• Have more academic problems

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Cohabitation and the Law

• There are seven states that prohibit
  cohabitation.
• Even in states where cohabitation is not
  prohibited, unmarried couples and their children
  have little legal protection.
• Cohabitants best protection in financial matters
  is to maintain separate ownership of possessions.

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Gay and Lesbian Couples

• Like heterosexual couples, homosexual
  cohabitating couples must work out issues of
  power, etc., in their relationships.
• Most lesbians and gay men want what every one
  else wants, a loving relationship.
• A majority of gay and lesbian couples report
  having equal power in their relationships.

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Gay and Lesbian Couples

• Problems and conflictslike heterosexual couples,
  gay and lesbian couples experience problems in
  all four areas 1) power, 2) finances, 3)
  inequality, and 4) possessiveness.
• They are also just as likely to complain about
  personal flaws. Violence is a more pervasive
  problem among gay male couples.

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Same-Sex Marriage

• In 2004, Massachusetts became the first state to
  legalize same-sex marriage. Since then five
  other states have followed suit.
• Same-sex marriage remains a controversial issue
  in the U.S.
• Our choices about where and how we live are as
  varied as our faces.

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Civil Unions

• Eight states now allow civil unions, which are a
  marriage alternative for gays.
• They are California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maine,
  Washington, Nevada, New Jersey, and Oregon.
• About 22 countries around the world offer varying
  civil union benefits.