BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF

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BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF

• .

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PRESENTATION

• BY
• Adelbert Scholtz
• counselling psychologist
• retired pastor

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BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF

1. The tragedy of life
2. Symptoms
3. Stages
4. Support

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1. THE TRAGEDYOF LIFE
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A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE

• When bereavement and grief is discussed most of
  us can relate to that
• Almost every adult has lost a loved one and
  suffered tragedies, other losses and
  disappointments

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THE FALL OF MAN

• Alienation between Creator and man
• Alienation between man and man
• Man is spiritually dead (Eph 2 1-2)
• Life is, therefore, often a burden and a tragedy

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DEATH

• A natural and inevitable part of life
• Nobody lives forever
• An experience never to be repeated and feared by
  most people
• Always painful for loved ones

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REMINDER OF OWN MORTALITY

• When a loved one dies you are reminded
• o That nothing is permanent
• o That your own death is waiting

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BROKEN HEARTS

• Relationships often come to an end
• Divorce
• Love affairs end sometimes
• Result a broken heart, trauma,
  feelings of guilt

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TRAGIC LOSSES

• Loss of health (e g cancer, HIV/AIDS tc)
• Loss of youthfulness
• Loss of a job income
• Loss of a limb, organ, eyesight or hearing

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TRAUMA

• Greek t?a?µa ( wound)
• Physical and psychological wounds
• Both are real
• Both can be crippling

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PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

• Grief and bereavement are the result of some or
  other trauma or psychological wound
• It is always very painful
• Although it is invisible, it is very real

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AN OLD SAYING

• We often hear Time heals all wounds
• The trouble with that is. it takes TIME!
• And LOTS of it!

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2. SYMPTOMS
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SYMPTOMS

• Usually sadness and depression
• Often anxiety
• Bereavement as such is not a psychological
  disorder

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ICD-10 F32 Depressive Episode (1)

• In typical mild, moderate, or severe depressive
  episodes, the patient suffers from lowering of
  mood, reduction of energy, and decrease in
  activity. Capacity for enjoyment, interest, and
  concentration is reduced, and marked tiredness
  after even minimum effort is common. Sleep is
  usually disturbed and appetite diminished.
  Self-esteem and self-confidence are almost always
  reduced and, even in the mild form, some ideas of
  guilt or worthlessness are often present.

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ICD-10 F32 Depressive Episode (2)

• The lowered mood varies little from day to day,
  is unresponsive to circumstances and may be
  accompanied by so-called "somatic" symptoms, such
  as loss of interest and pleasurable feelings,
  waking in the morning several hours before the
  usual time, depression worst in the morning,
  marked psychomotor retardation, agitation, loss
  of appetite, weight loss, and loss of libido.
  Depending upon the number and severity of the
  symptoms, a depressive episode may be specified
  as mild, moderate or severe.

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MOST IMPORTANT SYMPTOMS

• An inability to enjoy anything
• Lack of energy, tiredness
• Tearfulness
• Pessimism hopelessness
• Sleeping disorders
• Decreased appetite weight loss
• Unrealistic feelings of guilt
• Suicidal tendencies

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DEPRESSION AS REACTION

• Depression a reaction to some or other
  disaster or serious loss, e g death of a
  beloved one, loss of income, loss of
  health or cessation of an important
  relationship
• Nobody can stay untouched in these circumstances
• Depression is a normal reaction after such a blow
  or loss

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AGGREVATING FACTORS

• Social isolation
• Inadequate diet
• Weak self-image
• Pessimism
• Chronic pain bad health
• Dependency on alcohol other drugs

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3. STAGES IN THE PROCESS
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STAGES

• Stages in the
• mourning process
• Disbelief
• Anger
• Feelings of guilt
• Negotiation
• Acceptance
• (As identified by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross)

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DISBELIEF

• Cannot believe news
• This cannot happen to me!
• All expectations and plans about the future are
  wiped out

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ANGER

• Angry towards those who may be responsible for
  loss
• Angry towards the world in general
• Angry towards God
• Why me!!!?

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FEELINGS OF GUILT

• Remorse about lost chances
• Guilt about wrongs committed (is this loss a
  punishment for past wrongs?)
• Could loss have been prevented?
• Result of fall of man

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NEGOTIATION

• Try to negotiate with God or humanity in general
• Promises

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ACCEPTANCE

• Last stage
• Accepts the inevitable
• Make peace with irreversible situation

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DURATION

• Mourning the loss of a spouse or child at least
  a year
• Other losses usually less
• If grief does not clear it may become pathological

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4. SUPPORT
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THE FUNERAL

• Much has to be organised
• Many volunteers
• Big expenses
• Those left behind often in a haze or drugged

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AFTER THE FUNERAL

• Loneliness sets in
• Administration of the estate
• Those left behind are often helpless
• Life cannot go on as normal too many
  adjustments
• Support most needed at this stage

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ROLE OF FRIENDS FAMILY

• No magic wand available
• Wounds take time to heal
• Listen with empathy
• Allow tears to flow
• Be available
• Supervise meals
• Help with exercise

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MOURNING

• Those left behind have an urgent need to mourn
  the deceased by
• Crying
• Talking about the
  deceased
• Celebrating his/her life
• Completing tasks left
  uncompleted
• Complying with his/her last wishes
• So dont get drugged!

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MOURNING

• After a catastrophy or other loss
• The person also goes into mourning
• Cannot easily adjust to new life

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SUPPORT WHEN A CHILD DIES

• Dont tell the grieving parents
• that you know exactly how they feel
• that the child is now in a better place
• that they may have other
  children
• that God picks the most beautiful flowers
• Just be there for them and allow them to
  cry and talk about their child

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SUPPORT WHEN A CHILD DIES

• If there are other children in the grieving
• family they also need
• To mourn
• Support
• To talk about their sibling

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MEDICATION

• Antidepressants
• Meant to increase the supply of serotonin to the
  brain
• Ineffective in many cases
• Often unpleasant side-effects
• Dont solve any problems
• Interfere with mourning process and prolong the
  suffering

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SLEEPING PILLS

• It is necessary to get enough quality sleep
• Sleeping pills are highly addictive
• Pills dont provide quality sleep
  only induce a stupor
• Use only in an emergency

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DREAMS

• Mourning person often dreams of the deceased or
  loss
• Dreams coping mechanism of brain
• Drugs and sleeping pills interfere with dreaming

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SUPPORT GROUPS

• Get to know new friends in similar circumstances
• Safe environment to express
  grief
• Gain knowledge and insight
• Social support

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YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE

• Dont neglect your spiritual life
• Pray meditate
• What are your goals in life?
• What are your values?
• You may fight and argue with God as Jacob did
  (Gen 32)

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NUTRITION DIET

• Eat lots of fresh veggies fruit
• Get enough fibre in your diet
• Supplement with vitamins, minerals omega-3
  fatty acids
• Drugs NO!

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EXERCISE

• Your body is designed for movement
• Exercise produces endorphins potent pain
  killers and enhancers of mood
• Helps with relaxation sleep
• Good for your overall health

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AN OLD SAYING

• We often hear Time heals all wounds
• The trouble with that is. it takes TIME!
• And LOTS of it!
• BUT most wounds WILL heal, given time

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HEALING OF SEVERE TRAUMA

• When trauma is severe and symptoms persist, then
  professional help is called for
• Treatment hypnosis, EMDR, EFT, CBT tc