Choices in Relationships

1
Choices in Relationships

• Chapter Seven Mate Selection

2
Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection

• Endogamy
• Endogamy is the cultural expectation to select a
  marriage partner within ones own social group,
  such as race, religion, and social class.
• Exogamy
• There is also the cultural expectation that one
  will marry outside his or her own family group.
  This expectation is known as exogamy.

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Homogamy
• Homogamy refers to individual initiative toward
  sameness.
• Common homogenous characteristics
• Age
• Race
• Religion
• Education
• Social class

• Physical appearance
• Marriage status
• Personality
• Propinquity

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Homogamy

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Spirituality and Religion and a Couples
  Relationship
• Couples with a homogeneous religious marriage may
  have greater marital stability and a lower chance
  of divorce due to the value of religion for
  resolving conflicts.
• Religious literature often provides practical,
  down-to-earth suggestions for relationship
  enhancement.

6
Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Complementary-Needs Theory
• Complementary-needs theory states that we tend to
  select mates whose needs are opposite and
  complementary to our own.
• Parental Characteristics
• Role theory and modeling theory emphasize that a
  son or daughter models after the parent of the
  same sex by selecting a partner similar to the
  one the parent selected.

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Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Exchange Theory
• Exchange theory emphasizes that mate selection is
  based on assessing who offers the greatest
  rewards at the lowest cost.
• Five concepts help to explain the exchange
  process in mate selection.
• Rewards
• Cost
• Profit
• Loss
• Alternative

8
Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Desired Personality Characteristics for a
  Potential Mate
• Men and women report that the personality
  characteristics of being warm, kind, open, and
  having a sense of humor were very important to
  them in selecting a romantic/sexual partner.

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Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce
• Poor impulse control
• Hypersensitivity
• Inflated ego
• Being neurotic
• Anxiety
• Insecurity
• Control

10
Cultural, Sociological, and Psychological Filters
in Mate Selection
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Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
Selection

• In contrast to cultural, sociological, and
  psychological aspects of mate selection, which
  reflect a social learning assumption, the
  sociobiological perspective suggests that
  biological/genetic factors may be operative in
  mate selection.
• Definition of Sociobiology
• Sociobiology suggests a biological basis for all
  social behaviorincluding mate selection.

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Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
Selection

• Criticisms of the Sociobiological Perspective
• Critics argue that women may show concern for the
  earning capacity of men because women have been
  systematically denied access to similar economic
  resources, and selecting a mate with these
  resources is one of their remaining options.
• In addition, it is argued that both women and
  men, when selecting a mate, think about their
  partners more as companions than as future
  parents of their offspring.

13
Engagement

• Asking Specific Questions
• Since partners may neither ask nor reveal
  information that they feel will be met with
  disapproval during casual dating, the engagement
  is a time to get specific about the other
  partners thoughts, feelings, values, goals, and
  expectations.
• Refer to the Involved Couples Inventory.

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Engagement

• Visiting Partners Parents
• If you want to know what your partner may be like
  in the future, look at his or her parent of the
  same sex.
• And, if you want to know how your partner is
  likely to treat you in the future, observe the
  way your partners parent of the same sex treats
  and interacts with his or her spouse.

15
Engagement

• Premarital Programs and Counseling
• Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and
  Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
• Not only have couples who learned how to
  communicate and negotiate conflict been less
  likely than a control group to divorce or
  separate (8 percent versus 16 percent), but they
  reported greater marital satisfaction, fewer
  conflicts, and less physical violence.

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Engagement

• Premarital Programs and Counseling
• Individuals who want to marry in the Roman
  Catholic Church are required to take premarital
  education.
• Other faiths may also offer premarital sessions
  (usually three) before the wedding.

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Engagement

• Prenuptial Agreement
• Designed to specify ahead of time how property
  will be divided if the marriage ends in divorce
  or when it ends by the death of one partner.
• Reasons for a prenuptial agreement include the
  following
• Protecting assets for children from a prior
  relationship
• Protecting business associates

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Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• If your engagement is characterized by the
  factors identified below, consider prolonging
  your engagement and delaying the marriage at
  least until the most distressing issues have been
  resolved.
• Age 18 or Younger
• Known Partner Less Than Two Years
• Abusive Relationship
• Critical Remarks

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Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• Numerous Significant Differences
• On-and-Off Relationship
• Dramatic Parental Disapproval
• Low Sexual Satisfaction
• 9. Marrying for the Wrong Reason

20
Consider Calling Off the Wedding If . . .

• Marrying for the Wrong Reason
• Examples include
• Rebound
• Escape
• Unanticipated pregnancy
• Psychological blackmail
• Pity
• Filling a void