Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving (CPS)

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Emotional Regulation 101 How Full is Your
Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving (CPS)
Revised Mar 19, 2013

• Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie
  Anderson, OT

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Everyone has a bucket...

• Our bucket gets filled up when we have stress

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Everyone has a bucket...

• You feel, learn, work and play the best when your
  bucket has just enough in it

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Our Bucket Can Be Empty, Just Right, or Too Full!


Bucket Empty! Bored Underwhelmed, understimulated, too little stimulation Just Right Just right or just enough stimulation Bucket Full! Frustrated, mad, angry, upset, sad, anxious Overwhelmed, overstimulated, too much stimulation
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Stresses that might fill your bucket...

• School
• Teachers
• Classmates
• Friends
• Schoolwork / homework
• Home
• Brothers / sisters
• Parents / grandparents
• Chores / Rules
• Other
• Doctors appointments!
• Extracurricular activities
• Friends, neighbours,etc...
• Home expectations at the end of the day, etc.

Other
Home
School
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Other stresses that might fill your bucket

• Sensory input little or too much.
• Sound
• Touch
• Movement
• Smell
• Taste
• Vision (e.g. light)
• Changes or transitions (because these are a
  change in sensory input)
• Motor stresses such as
• Too much motor demands such as handwriting, gym,
  day-to-day physical demands
• Too little motor demands (i.e. not enough
  movement!)

Sensory
Changes
Motor
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Different Things Fill Our Buckets

• What fills your bucket might not fill another
  persons bucket
• Disagreements can happen because what empties one
  persons bucket actually fills another persons!
• E.g. the same music which soothes one person may
  stress out another!

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Q. What fills your bucket?

• 1. _____________________
• 2. _____________________
• 3. _____________________
• 4. _____________________
• 5. _____________________

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When your bucket is full...

• The bad news is that you feel
• Frustrated
• Sad
• Worried / Nervous (Fright)
• Wanting to escape (Flight)
• Irritable / Angry (Fight)
• Paralyzed (Freeze)

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When your bucket is full...

• The good news is that you can find a way to empty
  it!

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When your bucket is full...

• If you can only do one thing to empty your
  bucket, then it would be TELL AN ADULT (so that
  he or she can help you empty your bucket)

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Its easier to empty our bucket if we can do it
BEFORE it gets completely full
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We can talk about what fills our bucket

• Mom/Dad, my bucket is starting to get full
• What bugs me is
• Homework I dont understand the math
• Sounds Its too loud!

Homework
Sounds
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Usual Things that Empty Buckets!

• Distraction
• 2. Problem-Solving the stress that fills your
  bucket

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Distraction using your senses

• Touch Deep pressure, shower, bath...
• Hearing Music, quiet, singing...
• Seeing Drawing, closing your eyes,
  visualizing....
• Oral/taste Chewing, eating, drinking
  something...
• Smells Scented candles, soothing smells...
• Movement Going for a walk, a run, getting up for
  a break, dancing, any physical activity...
• A favorite activity...

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Q. What are some ways to empty your bucket (by
distraction)?

• (Usually its doing the things you like to do,
  like a favourite subject/class, activity, having
  fun with family/friends)
• 1. _____________________
• 2. _____________________
• 3. _____________________
• 4. _____________________
• 5. _____________________
• 6. _____________________
• 7. _____________________

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Problem-Solving ? Identify and deal with the
underlying stress

• School
• Schoolwork
• Teachers
• Friends
• Peers
• Bullies
• Other...

• Home
• Family stresses
• Parents (mom, dad)
• Siblings (brother, sister)
• Other...

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Q. What is the stress?
Stress Possible ways to deal with it...
1. ?
2. ?
3. ?
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Spending time with a parent

• Spending 11 with a parent is a universal way of
  helping a child cope with any stress

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What is the most powerful way to empty your
bucket when full?

• As an adult, when your bucket is full (such as
  when you have lost someone close to you), what do
  you do to empty it?

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A. You cry.

• As an adult, when your bucket is full (such as
  when you have lost someone close to you), the
  most powerful way to empty it is to CRY with
  SUPPORTIVE LOVED ONES...

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Having a Good Cry

• Having a good cry with a parent is the most
  powerful way to empty your bucket
• Crying helps the brain adapt to any stress, even
  the most horrible ones imaginable

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Summary

• Frustrated
• Sad
• Worried / Nervous (Fright)
• Wanting to escape (Flight)
• Irritable / Angry (Fight)

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Summary

• We all have a bucket
• Our bucket can get too full
• When it gets full, the bad news is that we feel
  angry, scared, upset, overwhelmed
• The good news is that there are many things we
  can do to empty our bucket
• If you only do one thing, then
• TELL AN ADULT (like your mom or your dad!)
• CRY ABOUT IT!

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Life is like Weightlifting Collaborative Problem
Solving Approach
Revised Nov 17, 2010

• Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie
  Anderson, OT

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Getting Just Right is also about Life being
Balanced
Challenges or stresses that you face
What you can cope with

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In other words
Demands, expectations, stresses
Coping ability

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Demands, expectations, stresses
Coping ability

• Physical (including sensory) demands of
  day-to-day life
• School/work
• Home/friends/family

• Affected by...
• Genetics
• Presence of any conditions such as sensory
  processing issues

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Q. What happens when demands/stresses gtgt coping?
Demands / Expectations / Stresses
Coping Ability
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When overwhelmed, people may have problems with

• How they feel physically
• Their emotions
• Fight (e.g. anger)
• Flight (e.g. anxiety)
• Freeze
• Sadness
• Etc
• Their behaviours
• Withdrawal
• Aggression
• Controlling
• ETc

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There are two solutions to restore the balance...
? Demands / Expectations / Stresses
? Coping Ability
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Q. What happens when coping gtgt demands/stresses?
Demands / Expectations / Stresses
Coping Ability
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The underwhelmed individual may have

• Complaints of boredom and even
• Depression / anxiety / anger, etc..
• Do things to stimulate him/herself to keep from
  being bored!

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Life is like Weightlifting
Life is like weight lifting... balance between
our coping ability, and between what demands and
expectations are placed upon us.
Childs Coping Ability
Life Demands
10 kg
50 kg
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Life is like Weightlifting
Life is best when you can lift what life gives
you, i.e. when your lifting ability matches the
weight you have to lift
Life Demands
Persons Coping Ability
50 kg
50 kg
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Question
What would happen if you could only lift 50 kg,
but someone forced you to lift 100 kg?
50 kg
100 kg
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Life is like weightlifting
Childs Coping Ability what the child can lift
Demands what we are asking the child to lift
50 kg
100 kg
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Answer
Youd get hurt, injured, bruised, and be
extremely stressed! And your nervous system would
get angry fight or scared, anxious
flight, or freeze...
50 kg
100 kg
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Q. So what is the solution?
50 kg
100 kg
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Answer
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until
child is successful 2. Once child is successful,
then gradually increase expectations again over
time
51 kg
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Answer
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until
child is successful 2. Once child is successful,
then gradually increase expectations again over
time
50 kg
49 kg
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How do we reduce expectations?

• By triaging, or prioritizing your main
  expectations into 3 baskets, we can reduce the
  number of expectations to the point where your
  child is successful
• After a period of success, one can gradually
  increase the expectations, step by step

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We triage, or prioritize your main expectations
into 3 baskets, thereby reducing the number of
expectations to the point where your child is
successful
Basket B Negotiable expectations
Basket C Expectations to just forget about for now
Basket A Non-negotiable expectations
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Basket A

• Expectations that go into Basket A are
  non-negotiable expectations
• Safety related issues
• E.g. No running in the street
• E.g. No hitting your sibling
• Other mandatory expectations
• E.g. Going to school
• E.g. Eating dinner with the family
• E.g. Doing chores

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Basket B

• Basket B are all the negotiable expectations that
  you have for your child
• Something that you want your child to do, but you
  are willing to be flexible, negotiate or
  compromise about it
• Example
• You want your child to participate in the family
  by doing chores, but you are willing to negotiate
  with your child over which chores he or she does
• You want your child to do homework on weekends,
  but you are willing to negotiate with your child
  over when your child wants to do it

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Basket C

• Basket C expectations are things that you expect
  from your child which currently cause conflict or
  stress, but when you really think about it, they
  are expectations that you are willing to just
  ignore for now
• Example
• You prefer that your child wears matching socks
  to school, but you are willing to ignore that for
  now
• You prefer that your child doesnt swear when
  angry, but you are willing to ignore it for now

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Write down all the expectations (that cause
conflict) that you have

• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• Etc

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What are your Basket A expectations?
(non-negotiable)

• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• Etc

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What are your Basket B expectations? (negotiable)

• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• Etc

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What are your Basket C? (things to just ignore
for now)

• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• ___________________________
• Etc

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Acknowledgements and License

• Thanks to all the children, youth, families,
  educators, and fellow colleagues who have helped
  give feedback on the Bucket!
• You are free to share and distribute as long as
  1) these materials are not used commercially, and
  2) as long as materials are distributed in its
  entirety
• If you are a non-profit organization / health
  professional, feel free to contact use about
  adapting these for your own use
• Knowledge must be shared