Behavior Right from the Start

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Behavior Right from the Start
Helping Your Child Exhibit Appropriate Behavior
Pasquale Cocucci, Clarendon School
Principal Susan Smahl, Director of Special
Services

• Presented by
• Christine DePinto
• Lisa Jaramillo
• Sheila Rivera
• Lora Wegner

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The goal of this workshop is to give you
abetter understanding of the importance of
appropriate behavior

• We want to assist your child in developing
• Patience
• Impulse Control
• Anger Management
• Communication Skills
• Social Skills
• Conflict Resolution Skills
• in order to exhibit appropriate behavior.

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Consistency - Routines

• According to the Center on the Social and
• Emotional Foundations for Early Learning
• Studies have documented that schedules and
  routines influence childrens emotional,
  cognitive, and social development. Predictable
  and consistent schedules in preschool classrooms
  help children feel secure and comfortable. Also,
  schedules and routines help children understand
  the expectations of the environment and reduce
  the frequency of behavior problems, such as
  tantrums and acts of aggression.

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Setting and implementing steadfast routines and
patterns removes the unexpected frustrations
that often lead to conflict. When a child is
prepared for what is coming in his/her day there
is less chance that he or she will rebel.


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Furthermore, when parents are united and
consistent in these routines, the child will
become adjusted to the pattern more quickly and
realize that there are some things that are
simply not negotiable.

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Parent/Child Communication Establishing
Expectations and Consequences
If a person is good only because they fear
punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a
sorry lot indeed. - Albert Einstein
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Parents must clearly express their expectations
for any given endeavor. Telling a child to be
good in the store may not be sufficient.
Specific expectations and clear, unwavering
consequences are required for an optimal
outcome. Example If you stay in the shopping
cart the whole time we are in the store, and
dont cry, then you can have extra time at the
park this afternoon.


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Parents and caregivers MUST follow through on all
stated rewards and punishments. If a reward is
promised and not provided, there will be a
breach of trust. If a punishment is threatened
but not enforced, there will be no fear of
repercussions in future events. Punishments and
rewards must also be immediate to be truly
effective or else they will not be stored in
memory as a causal effect.
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I Messages
I messages are an effective form of structured
communication. When communicating to children we
often naturally speak in a way that is
ambiguous. Can you put your toys away for
mommy? often leads to an answer of no, while I
need you to put those toys away now so that we
can get ready to go to grandmas house can lead
to more immediate action.
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When a child expresses frustration and anger
over a situation, it is important to not
invalidate those feelings. At the same time, we
must remain resolute in the cause at hand,
whether it be to have a child complete a task or
just to ensure they are expressing his/her
emotions appropriately (or both!). This is
where the I messages can help! And remember,
Listening is not waiting to talk. (Scott
Ginsberg). Our communication skills as adults
are key factors also.
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Scenario Child is mad at having to pick up toys
so he/she proceeds to throw things angrily and
kick furniture. Response I understand youre
upset but I can not let you break things or hurt
yourself. You can take a break on the bed or in
a chair to calm down but you do need to clean up
these toys before playing with anything else.
Once he or she is calm, you may suggest other
ways for them to express his/her anger that is
more appropriate yelling in to a
pillow,talking, writing in a journal, painting,
etc.
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Positive Reinforcements vs. Negative
Reinforcements

• Systematic use of reinforcement is the
• most powerful tool in strengthening
• and teaching a new behavior
• --Kate Fiske, Ph.D., BCBA-D
• Douglass Outreach,Rutgers University
• Rutgers Developmental Disabilities Center

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There are both positive and negative ways
to reinforce a behavior. Contrary to the names
implication, neither are bad or good, just
different in approach and result. B.F. Skinner
is credited with coining the terms when studying
different methods of operant conditioning.
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Positive reinforcement would be rewarding a child
with something (praise, stickers, extra play
time, etc.) when they behave appropriately, in
hopes that they will link the two and repeat that
desired behavior in the future. This must be
done sparingly since it is argued that the child
no longer acts appropriately because it is the
correct thing to do, but simply to gain the
reward.
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Negative reinforcement is not a punishment. It
is the promise of a removal of a negative aspect
in order to illicit a positive behavior. Example
If you go to sleep an hour earlier tonight,
you can practice your trumpet for 30 minutes
less.


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Positive Attention vs. Negative Attention
Dont find fault, find a remedy -Henry Ford
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The hard fact is that children crave
attention. They especially want it from parents
and teachers and it does not matter if that
attention is a hug or a frustrated scream
attention is attention. Children are also fast
learners so they quickly ascertain what
attention grabbing methods work best for them.
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If a child consistently gets attention for
throwing a tantrum or acting out aggressively
(even if that attention is a scream or a
punishment), then he/she has received the
satisfaction they need and will repeat the
behavior. That does not mean that there should
not be consequences but rather that the
consequence should be delivered after the child
has calmed down. Rationalizing and yelling with
a child through a tantrum has no positive result.

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Ignore the behavior, not the childWhen a
child throws a tantrum or lashes out, itis
important to stay calm. Be cautious not to
invalidate the childs emotions but remember that
now is not the immediate time to try to discuss
the problem through. Tears, sobs, and anger make
effective communication difficult. Allow the
child to take time to vent out his/her anger
and/or sadness in a way that will be the least
disruptive and harmful to them (i.e., punching a
pillow, taking a quiet moment with a book,
squeezing a stress ball, etc.).
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When a child consistently behaves
inappropriately, it is easy to glaze over any
positive behaviors that he/she may exhibit,
however, it is important to praise those small
victories as much as possible. When a child
receives the attention he/she desires through
positive behaviors, they are more apt to repeat
those behaviors.

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Promoting Positive Self-Esteem and Independence
Your child's self-esteem will be determined by
the conditional acceptance that he receives from
others - and the unconditional acceptance that
he receives from you . Your child's self-esteem
will be determined by success and progress in
four areas Emphasize, recognize and reinforce
all four areas! o Social (acceptance,
friendships) o Competence (in a skill area) o
Physical (clothing, attractiveness) o Character
(effort, generosity, etc.) Richard D.
Lavoie, M.A., M.Ed
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A sense of independence and pride will lead a
child to take responsibility for themselves
rather than looking to the adult to solve all
issues before them. This in turn will reduce
tattling and increase proper ways of defending
oneself with words and not violence These are
skills that they will use throughout their lives
and this sort of ownership, pride, and problem
solving skills should start now.
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1. Value each child as an individual with unique
strengths, needs, interests and skills. 2. Focus
on the child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate
his "islands of competence." 3. Reject the
child's behavior, but never reject the child. Use
affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding
("Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV
and make your bed."). 4. Remember that sincere
interest can be more effective and meaningful
than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in
her activities, hobbies, etc. 5. Establish
realistic, achievable goals for your child.
Anticipate success. 6. Avoid using sarcasm with
kids - children with language problems often
misinterpret it. 7. When discussing an issue or a
problem, avoid bringing up past difficulties. 8.
Never compare one child to another. 9. Help the
child develop decision-making and problem-solving
skills. 10. Understand that mistakes are an
inevitable (and valuable!) part of any
learning experience. Use these as an opportunity
to teach and assist. 11. Divide large tasks into
smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure
success, mastery, and retention. 12. Maintain a
file of his academic work. Use this to
demonstrate his progress and development when he
is feeling down. 13. Encourage him to maintain
"collections" (e.g., baseball cards, stamps,
rocks, etc.). This allows him to be the resident
expert on a topic. 14. If she does not
participate in team sports, promote individual
sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will
provide opportunities for success, exercise, and
peer interaction. 15. Communicate your confidence
in the child and in her future. 16. Permit and
encourage the child to follow the normal fads of
his peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will
enhance his acceptance at school and in the
community. 17. Emphasize the positive aspects of
her behavior or performance, even if the task was
not completely successful. Reward direction, not
perfection. 18. Anticipate that the child will
have plateaus, failures, backslides, setbacks,
and regressions. Support and encourage him at
these times. Kids need love most when
they deserve it least! 19. Look for opportunities
to offer him choices to allow him to practice
decision-making skills. 20. Never, ever,
communicate disappointment to your child. The
disappointment of an adult may be too great a
burden for a child to carry. Remember ? ? Your
child's self-esteem will be determined by the
conditional acceptance that he receives from
others - and the unconditional acceptance that he
receives from you and ? ? Your child's
self-esteem will be determined by success and
progress in four areas o Social (acceptance,
friendships) o Competence (in a skill area) o
Physical (clothing, attractiveness) o Character
(effort, generosity, etc.) Emphasize, recognize
and reinforce all four areas!
1. Value each child as an individual with unique
strengths, needs, interests and skills. 2. Focus
on the child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate
his "islands of competence." 3. Reject the
child's behavior, but never reject the child. Use
affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding
("Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV
and make your bed."). 4. Remember that sincere
interest can be more effective and meaningful
than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in
her activities, hobbies, etc. 5. Establish
realistic, achievable goals for your child.
Anticipate success. 6. Avoid using sarcasm with
kids - children with language problems often
misinterpret it. 7. When discussing an issue or a
problem, avoid bringing up past difficulties. 8.
Never compare one child to another. 9. Help the
child develop decision-making and problem-solving
skills. 10. Understand that mistakes are an
inevitable (and valuable!) part of any
learning experience. Use these as an opportunity
to teach and assist. 11. Divide large tasks into
smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure
success, mastery, and retention. 12. Maintain a
file of his academic work. Use this to
demonstrate his progress and development when he
is feeling down. 13. Encourage him to maintain
"collections" (e.g., baseball cards, stamps,
rocks, etc.). This allows him to be the resident
expert on a topic. 14. If she does not
participate in team sports, promote individual
sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will
provide opportunities for success, exercise, and
peer interaction. 15. Communicate your confidence
in the child and in her future. 16. Permit and
encourage the child to follow the normal fads of
his peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will
enhance his acceptance at school and in the
community. 17. Emphasize the positive aspects of
her behavior or performance, even if the task was
not completely successful. Reward direction, not
perfection. 18. Anticipate that the child will
have plateaus, failures, backslides, setbacks,
and regressions. Support and encourage him at
these times. Kids need love most when
they deserve it least! 19. Look for opportunities
to offer him choices to allow him to practice
decision-making skills. 20. Never, ever,
communicate disappointment to your child. The
disappointment of an adult may be too great a
burden for a child to carry. Remember ? ? Your
child's self-esteem will be determined by the
conditional acceptance that he receives from
others - and the unconditional acceptance that he
receives from you and ? ? Your child's
self-esteem will be determined by success and
progress in four areas o Social (acceptance,
friendships) o Competence (in a skill area) o
Physical (clothing, attractiveness) o Character
(effort, generosity, etc.) Emphasize, recognize
and reinforce all four areas!
1. Value each child as an individual with unique
strengths, needs, interests and skills. 2. Focus
on the child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate
his "islands of competence." 3. Reject the
child's behavior, but never reject the child. Use
affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding
("Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV
and make your bed."). 4. Remember that sincere
interest can be more effective and meaningful
than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in
her activities, hobbies, etc. 5. Establish
realistic, achievable goals for your child.
Anticipate success. 6. Avoid using sarcasm with
kids - children with language problems often
misinterpret it. 7. When discussing an issue or a
problem, avoid bringing up past difficulties. 8.
Never compare one child to another. 9. Help the
child develop decision-making and problem-solving
skills. 10. Understand that mistakes are an
inevitable (and valuable!) part of any
learning experience. Use these as an opportunity
to teach and assist. 11. Divide large tasks into
smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure
success, mastery, and retention. 12. Maintain a
file of his academic work. Use this to
demonstrate his progress and development when he
is feeling down. 13. Encourage him to maintain
"collections" (e.g., baseball cards, stamps,
rocks, etc.). This allows him to be the resident
expert on a topic. 14. If she does not
participate in team sports, promote individual
sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will
provide opportunities for success, exercise, and
peer interaction. 15. Communicate your confidence
in the child and in her future. 16. Permit and
encourage the child to follow the normal fads of
his peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will
enhance his acceptance at school and in the
community. 17. Emphasize the positive aspects of
her behavior or performance, even if the task was
not completely successful. Reward direction, not
perfection. 18. Anticipate that the child will
have plateaus, failures, backslides, setbacks,
and regressions. Support and encourage him at
these times. Kids need love most when
they deserve it least! 19. Look for opportunities
to offer him choices to allow him to practice
decision-making skills. 20. Never, ever,
communicate disappointment to your child. The
disappointment of an adult may be too great a
burden for a child to carry. Remember ? ? Your
child's self-esteem will be determined by the
conditional acceptance that he receives from
others - and the unconditional acceptance that he
receives from you and ? ? Your child's
self-esteem will be determined by success and
progress in four areas o Social (acceptance,
friendships) o Competence (in a skill area) o
Physical (clothing, attractiveness) o Character
(effort, generosity, etc.) Emphasize, recognize
and reinforce all four areas!
20 TIPS TO PROMOTE POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM By
Richard D. Lavoie, M.A., M.Ed 1. Value each
child as an individual with unique strengths,
needs, interests and skills. 2. Focus on the
child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate his
"islands of competence." 3. Reject the child's
behavior, but never reject the child. 4.
Remember that sincere interest can be more
effective and meaningful than praise.
Demonstrate a genuine interest in her
activities, hobbies. 5. Establish realistic,
achievable goals for your child. Anticipate
success. 6. Avoid using sarcasm with kids -
children with language problems often
misinterpret it.
24
7. When discussing an issue or a problem, avoid
bringing up past difficulties. 8. Never compare
one child to another. 9. Help the child develop
decision-making and problem-solving skills. 10.
Understand that mistakes are an inevitable (and
valuable!) part of any learning experience. Use
these as an opportunity to teach and assist. 11.
Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable ones.
This will ensure success, mastery, and
retention. 12. Maintain a file of his academic
work. Use this to demonstrate his progress and
development when he is feeling down. 13.
Encourage him to maintain "collections" (e.g.,
baseball cards, stamps, rocks, etc.). This allows
him to be the resident expert on a topic. 14. If
she does not participate in team sports, promote
individual sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming).
This will provide opportunities for success,
exercise, and peer interaction.
25
15. Communicate your confidence in the child and
in her future. 16. Permit and encourage the child
to follow the normal fads of his peer group
(e.g., clothing, music). This will enhance his
acceptance at school and in the community. 17.
Emphasize the positive aspects of her behavior or
performance, even if the task was not completely
successful. Reward direction, not perfection. 18.
Anticipate that the child will have plateaus,
failures, backslides, setbacks, and regressions.
Support and encourage him at these times. Kids
need love most when they deserve it least! 19.
Look for opportunities to offer him choices to
allow him to practice decision-making skills. 20.
Never, ever, communicate disappointment to your
child. The disappointment of an adult may be too
great a burden for a child to carry.
26
Conflict Resolution Appropriate Communication
"I discovered not only that dealing with conflict
could be a satisfying and enjoyable part of
teaching, but also that children, when given
support, were enormously capable problem solvers
-Cate Woolner, Mediator and Conflict
Resolution Trainer and Founder of Franklin
Mediation Service
27
Many times, a child fights with a peer because
they are not equipped with the proper language to
defend and express themselves, leading them to
resort to violence instead. It is our job as
teachers and parents to guide them and equip them
with that language. Like mentioned earlier, a
sense of independence and pride will lead a
child to take responsibility for themselves
rather than looking to the adult to solve all
issues before them.
28
When a child indicates that he or she was
pushed by another it is best to help that child
brainstorm what he/she can say to the other
child. If they can not come up with an answer
on their own at first, the adult may provide the
child with some options, such as, Please dont
touch me, I dont like that. Another option
might be, When you push me, it makes me feel
sad. Over time, the child will remember what to
say on their own and will not look to the adult
for help on how to resolve this confrontation.
29
Final Thought

You cant shake hands with a clenched
fist. -Indira Ghandi