Mate Selection

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Chapter 6

• Mate Selection

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Chapter 6 Mate SelectionChapter Outline

• Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection
• Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
• Psychological Factors Operative in Mate Selection
• Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
  Selection
• Engagement
• Factors which Suggest You Might Delay or Call off
  the Wedding
• The Future of Selecting a Partner

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Chapter 6 Mate SelectionIntroduction

• True or False?
• Persons who participate in a premarital education
  program show no benefits in relationship quality
  when compared with nonparticipants.

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Chapter 6 Mate SelectionIntroduction

• Answer FALSE
• Research shows that the average participant in a
  premarital prevention program experienced about a
  30 increase in measures of outcome success.
  They were more likely than nonparticipants to
  experience immediate and short-term gains in
  interpersonal skills and overall relationship
  quality.

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Chapter 6 Mate SelectionIntroduction

• Quote It really doesnt matter who you marry
  since you are sure to find out you married
  someone else.
• Discussion
• What do you see as the main criteria when
  searching for a mate? Why?

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Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection

• Fewer than 1 of persons marry someone outside
  their race.
• Independent of sexual orientation, two forms of
  cultural pressure operative in mate selection
  are
• Endogamy Expectation to marry within ones
  social group.
• Exogamy Expectation to marry outside ones own
  family group.

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection

• The homogamy theory of mate selection states that
  we tend to be attracted to and become involved
  with those who are similar to us in age, race,
  religion, and social class.
• The more couples have in common, the higher the
  reported relationship satisfaction and the more
  durable the relationship.

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate
SelectionHomogamy 14 Factors

1. Race
2. Age
3. Education
4. Open-Mindedness
5. Social Class
6. Physical Appearance
7. Marital status
8. Religion/Spirituality
9. Attachment
10. Personality
11. Circadian Preference
12. Traditional Roles
13. Geographic Background
14. Economic Values, Money Management, and Debt

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate
SelectionHomogamy

• Homogamy operates almost without awareness.
• This couple reports, we love each otherbut
  they are also of the same race, age, education,
  social class, and religious background.

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Sociological Factors Operative in Mate
SelectionHomogamy

• Although most undergraduates are open to dating
  outside their race, marrying someone of another
  race is rare for them.
• In a sample of 2,922 undergraduates, 35 of
  females and 30 of males reported that they had
  dated interracially. But as noted in the national
  data, only about 10 marry interracially.

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Food for Thought
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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionComplimentary Needs Theory

• States that we select mates whose needs are
  opposite and complementary to our own
• Questions raised about this theory
• Can personality needs be met outside the
  relationship?
• What is a complementary need as opposed to a
  similar value?
• Could a dependent person develop confidence and
  no longer need to be with a dominant person?

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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionExchange Theory

• Mate selection is based on who offers the
  greatest rewards at the lowest cost
• Rewards Behaviors and resources that influence
  you to continue the relationship
• Cost Unpleasant aspects of the relationship
• Profit When rewards exceed costs
• Loss When costs exceed rewards
• Alternative Does another person offer a higher
  profit margin?

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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionRole Theory and Attachment Theory

• Role Theory of Mate Selection is a theory that
  focuses on the social learning of roles. A son
  or daughter models after the parent of the same
  sex by selecting a partner similar to the one the
  parent selected.
• Attachment Theory of Mate Selection developed
  early in the reference to ones parents, the
  drive toward an intimate, social/emotional
  connection.

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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionPositive Assortative Personality Mating

• Positive Assortative Personality Mating refers to
  individuals who sort each other out on the basis
  of similar personality characteristics.
• Desirable Personality Characteristics of a
  Potential Mate In a study of 700 undergraduates,
  both men and women reported that personality
  characteristics of being warm, kind, and open and
  having a sense of humor were very important to
  them in selecting a romantic or sexual partner.

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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionPositive Assortative Personality Mating

• Undesirable Personality Characteristics of a
  Potential Mate
• Controlling
• Narcissistic
• Poor Impulse Control
• Hypersensitive
• Inflated Ego
• Perfectionistic
• Insecure
• Controlled
• Substance Abuser

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Psychological Factors Operative In Mate
SelectionPersonality Types Problematic in a
Potential Partner
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Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
Selection

• Men and women select mates on the basis of their
  concern for producing offspring.
• Men look for a young, healthy, attractive,
  sexually conservative woman who will produce
  healthy children and take care of them.
• Women look for an ambitious man with good
  economic capacity who will invest resources in
  her children.

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Sociobiological Factors Operative in Mate
Selection

• Criticisms
• Women show concern for the earning capacity of
  men because they have been denied access to
  similar economic resources.
• Both women and men think about their partners
  more as companions than as future parents of
  their offspring.

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Engagement

• A happy wife sometimes has the best husband, but
  more often makes the best of the husband she
  has. -Unknown
• Engagement Time in which the romantic partners
  are sexually monogamous, committed to marry, and
  focused on wedding preparations.

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EngagementPremarital Counseling

• Some clergy require one or more sessions of
  premarital counseling as a prerequisite to
  agreeing to marry the couple.
• In addition to seeing a counselor or completing
  self-help tests, many individuals get advice from
  friends, parents, and religious leaders.

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EngagementVisiting Your Partners Parents

• If you want to know what your partner may be like
  in the future, look at his or her parent of the
  same sex.
• If you want to know how your partner is likely to
  treat you in the future, observe the way your
  partners parent of the same sex treats and
  interacts with his or her spouse.

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EngagementPremarital Education Programs and
Counseling

• Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and
  Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
• Couples who learn how to communicate and
  negotiate conflict are less likely than a control
  group to divorce or separate.
• They also report greater marital satisfaction,
  fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

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EngagementPrenuptial Agreement

• Designed to specify how property will be divided
  if the marriage ends in divorce or by the death
  of one partner.
• Reasons for a prenuptial agreement
• Protecting assets for children from a prior
  relationship
• Protecting business associates

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Engagement

• Food for thought
• Discussion What are some disadvantages of
  signing a prenuptial agreement?

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Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off
the Wedding

• Age 18 or Younger
• Individuals who marry in their teens have a
  greater risk of divorce.
• Known Partner Less Than Two Years
• Partners who date at least two years before
  getting married report the highest level of
  marital satisfaction.

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Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off
the Wedding

• Abusive Relationship
• Partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse
  their partners while dating continue this in
  marriage.
• High Frequency of Negative Comments/Low Frequency
  of Positive Comments
• Individuals who criticize each other end up
  damaging their relationship in a way which does
  not make it easy for positives to recover.

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Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off
the Wedding

• Numerous Significant Differences
• Persons who report the greatest degree of
  satisfaction in relationships have a great deal
  in common.
• On-and-Off Relationship
• Couples who routinely break up and get back
  together should examine the issues that recur in
  their relationship.

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Factors that Suggest You Might Delay or Call off
the Wedding

• Dramatic Parental Disapproval
• If the parents of either partner disapprove of
  their childs choice of spouse, the partners
  should try to evaluate these concerns
  objectively.
• Low Sexual Satisfaction
• Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship
  satisfaction, love, and commitment.

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Marrying for the Wrong Reason

• Examples include
• Rebound
• Escape
• Unplanned pregnancy
• Psychological blackmail
• Insurance benefits
• Pity
• Filling a void

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Whether to Continue or End a Relationship

• Rhoades, et al. (2010) identified four factors
  involved in whether a person continues or ends a
  relationship.
• Dedication
• Perceived constraints
• Material constraints
• Feeling trapped

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Selecting Partners in the Future

• The future of selecting a lifetime partner will
  involve the increased use of Internet dating
  sites.
• Hence, in addition to meeting the old-fashioned
  way, individuals will be logging on and fishing
  in the online pool.

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Quick Quiz

• The cultural expectation to find a mate within
  one's social group is called
• homogamy
• exogamy
• monogamy
• endogamy

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Quick Quiz

• Which scenario best describes complementary needs
  theory?
• selection of mates with opposite values
• selection of mates with similar looks
• selection of mates with similar values
• selection of mates with different looks

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Quick Quiz

• Which of the following emphasizes that people
  select partners who offer the greatest benefits
  at the least cost?
• profit margin
• complimentary needs theory
• exchange theory
• principle of least interest

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Quick Quiz

• Sociobiology
• proposes that behavior in selecting mates is
  reduced to environmental factors
• makes scientific inquiry into the notion that men
  are attracted to younger women and women are
  attracted to men with money
• discredits Charles Darwin's natural selection
  theory
• goes against traditional stereotypes of American
  culture

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Quick Quiz

• In a comparing couples who have gone through
  pre-marital counseling versus those who have not,
  pre-marital counseling has been shown to have
  which of the following effects on a marriage?
• either more positive or more negative, depending
  on the dynamics of the couple
• negative
• positive
• none at all