Difference Between Romance and Intimacy

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Difference Between Romance and Intimacy

• Romance
• The initial attraction ignites the romantic
  feelings
• Eager to be in the relationship
• New
• Exciting
• Full of mystery
• effortless

• Intimacy
• Deep loving closeness that usually involves
  sharing what is most personal and private
• Exclusive stage of dating (attachment phase)
• Interest in building a relationship rather than
  preserving romantic feelings

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• Romance
• Who do you think are more romantic, adults or
  teenagers? Why
• What are some of the unrealistic expectations
  concerning romance in relationships
• What do you think is more important in lasting
  relationships
• Romance or intimacy? Are they mutually
  exclusive? Explain.
• What kind of problems can occur when couples
  focus on romance instead of building intimacy or
  when they confuse the two?

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Since ROMANCE will always lead to REALITY

• LETS SEE JUST HOW ROMANTIC YOU ARE TURN TO
  PAGE 74 IN THE TEXTBOOK

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How Romantic Are You?Survey Page 74

• For questions 6,8,14,18 and 20 Give yourself
  points A5 , B4, C3, D2,E1,F0
• For questions 1-5,7,9-13,15-17,19.21,22 Give
  yourself points A0, B1, C2, D3,E4,F5
• Add your total number of points to determine your
  score.

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The Lord set his heart on you and chose
you.because the Lord loved you (Deuteronomy
77b-8b)

• From the beginning we are in an intimate
  relationship with God
• We are loved and able to love because God first
  loved us
• all our relationships have the potential to
  reflex the love of God

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EUCHARIST

• Powerful way of sharing intimately in the divine
  and human life and love

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Intimacy

• Every love relationship, two people must decide
  how close they wish to become
• Series of small choices
• Choices made throughout the relationship
  determine the degree of personal intimacy
• Intimacy does not mean just having strong
  feelings or being physically affectionate
• INTIMACY IS A SPIIRITUAL CONNECTION
• INTIMACY INVOLVES THE MEANING AND MOTIVATION
  BEHIND YOUR FEELINGS AND AFFECTIONS

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POSSIBLE TO KEEP INTIMACY ALIVE IF.

1. PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT IINTIMACY MEANS
2. THEY WANT TO WORK TOGETHER TO KEEP GROWING IN
   INTIMACY

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Growing In Intimacy

• Deeping love requires CARING and GENEROSITY
• Does not mean sacrificing ones individuality
• Real challenge is to remain ourselves and become
  the best version of ourselves
• INTIMACY INVOLVES SHARING NOT SAMENESS OR
  SELFISHNESS
• Romance fades now time to make intimacy choices

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CARING IS THE FOUNDATION OF LOVE

• CONCERN-ACCEPTANCE-RESPONSIBILITY-INTEGRITY-NURTUR
  ING-GIVING

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WE COME TO LOVE THROUGH CARING

• OUR LOVE GROWS THROUGH INTIMACY

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INTIMACY NECESSARY FOR LOVE TO GROW

• I individuality
• N- needs
• T- trust
• I- imagination
• M-maturity
• A-awareness
• T-tenderness
• E-empathy

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Nature of Intimacy

• Individuality

• Needs

• Goal is for you to be you and me to be me and
  yet become a compatible we
• Retain ones individuality
• Relationship between two distinct people
• Encourage individual relationships
• Weak self-esteem can prevent intimacy
• Reinforce ones lovability, worth, strengths

• Basic physical-psychological emotional needs
  must be satisfied for intimacy
• People have different intimacy needs ( security,
  supported, fidelity, etc)
• Must be sensitive to both persons basic needs
• Need priority over wants
• Tell each other ones intimacy needs
• Intimacy needs change
• Once intimacy needs are met persons can be ready
  to grow in intimacy

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Nature of Intimacy

• Trust

• Imagination

• Intimacy cannot exist without trust
• Degree of trust will determine the degree of
  intimacy
• Emotional risk
• Allow time be patient not pushy
• Inspire confidence by being consistent
• Be understanding and supportive
• Be honest and trustworthy
• Never misuse sensitive personal information
• Even in close relationships trust wont always be
  understood
• Jealousy demotes lack of trust it replaces love
  with fear

• Create special times, places and experiences
• Enjoy each other similarities and differences
• Vary routines
• Fun- humor
• Imaginations requires effort

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Nature of Intimacy

• Maturity

• Awareness

• Does not depend on age
• Maturity depends on how one interprets life
  experiences and learn from them
• Be responsible
• Priorities straight
• Stand by ones principles
• Admit when your are wrong and learn from them
• Shoulder small pressures gracefully
• Keep your word
• Unselfish put others need first
• Over look insignificant faults and irritations

• Knowledge of self and others feelings and
  thoughts
• Be interested in opinions of others
• Notice others unique qualities and personality
  traits
• Spend time together
• Learn to anticipate without being told
• Be aware of personalities, trust level, level of
  imagination, communication style
• REMEMBER INTIMACY NEEDS CHANGE --- TELL EACH OTHER

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Nature of Intimacy

• Tenderness

• Empathy

• Way people express love
• Involves actions as well as attitude and words
• Communicating affections is crucial
• Be kind and understanding
• Respond warmly not mechanically
• Know when and how to be firm, giving and
  expressive
• Be sensitive HANDLE WITH CARE

• Means to feel WITH someone
• Understands how the other person feels and thinks
• Show compassion when the other suffers
• Must involve empathizing with another mentally
  and emotionally
• The WE in a relationship involves sharing
  differences and similarities
• Requires nurturing and effort

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Whats Your Intimacy IQ?Survey Page 69

• Read the directions on page 69 and record your
  answers on a separate piece of paper

• Scoring Change the letters into numbers using
  the following
• For questions 6,8,9,11-13,15-17,20,24-26,28,30
  Give yourself points A5,B4,C3,D2,E1,F0
• For questions 1-5,7,10,14,18,19,21-23,27,29
  Give yourself points A0, B1,C2,D3,E4.F5
• Add up your total points

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Sacredness of Sexual Intimacy

• Sexual union between husband and wife is
  sacramental visible sign of sacrament ( vows,
  loving deed, sexual act)
• Sexual intercourse represents a permanent,
  personal union which must be respected
• Sexual intercourse represents a permanent,
  personal union and faithful love

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Sacredness of Sexual Intimacy

• Catholic teaching regards married affection as a
  free, mutual, sacred and complete gift of ones
  self
• Through sexual acts, couples renew their marriage
  promises of faithful love and to bring new life
  forward
• Human sexuality is beautiful , good and sacred
• This type of commitment exist only in marriage
• Intercourse outside of marriage is dishonest
  cant achieve true intimacy cant express the
  total gift of self which is marriage

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Before Deciding how you will express your
sexuality,

1. Consider the meaning and consequences
2. Does your choice reflex dignity or the ideal
3. Having sex for the wrong reasons can destroy a
   relationship
4. Consider the message of Jesus concerning your
   sexuality
5. Dont make sexual decisions out of pressure,
   fear, insecurity or guilt
6. Believe in yourself, your dignity and the
   possibilities for your sexual expression to
   reflect its true meaning

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Sexual Differences Between Men and Women

• Women
• emotional and physical
• want to talk and share feelings
• Men
• More physical pleasure
• less talk

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TelevisionMoviesBooksMagazines Internet

• How can I improve my appearance and sex life to
  keep their love

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Emphases on the Act of Sex

• Need to emphases the PERSON rather than the ACT

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How to Become an Expert

• Talk . Learn together. Have fun. Less
  threatening more trust able to take risk

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OBSTACLES TO INTIMACY
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Poor Self- Esteem

• Couples fail to be honest
• Must risk to accomplish intimacy
• Motivated by fear
• Afraid of rejection
• Subconscious remnants of past shame could cause
  problems
• Distance develops between the couple
• Build in self defense systems
• To overcome these barriers requires
• Believing in yourself
• Risk intimacy
• Constant effort to achieve and sustain intimacy

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Environmental Stress

• Too Busy external influences that negatively
  affect a relationship
• Lack of concern for ones health and physical
  needs
• Decrease energy
• Increase tension
• Lack of priority time
• All relationships need time

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Substance Abuse

• Artificial calmness, confidence or closeness
• Over looks the cause of the anxiety
• Ignores unmet needs
• Mask the problem and prevents intimacy
• May lead to an addiction
• Often changes behavior in undesirable ways
  produces tension and friction
• Produces fake feelings of closeness and well
  being

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General Information

• Chemical is the problem.. Changes the person
• Disease that DENIES
• Use substance to help you deal with problems
• Pattern dependence tolerance withdrawal
• Beer, wine, hard liquor all the same
• Affects sex life
• 2 out of 10 people have a full blown addiction
• Affected by our environment and genetics
• Hinders growth in maturity
• Disease is chronic and progressive
• DRUG REPLACES THE NEED FOR INTIMACY

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Typical Behavior of an Abuser

1. A lot of thinking, talking and joking about the
   drug
2. Buy things that represent drugs or alcohol
   t-shirts, hats
3. Lifestyle revolves around chemical
4. Build up a tolerance for the substance
5. Conflicts in personality happy to mean drunk
6. Black Outs

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Stages Relationships Go Through Due to Substance
AbuseLess Intimacy

• 1. R ATIONALIZATION
• Make excuses about behavior
• Defensive
• Abuser sees the problem but are unwilling to give
  up the chemical
• Sometime the rationalization is so great the
  couples may even grow closer together

• 2. PROJECT THE PROBLEM ON SOMEONE ELSE
• Isolations-couple cut each other off from
  threatening situations secrets
• Use information as a weapon barriers develop
• Cover-up protect partner, lye for them, be
  responsible for the abusers roles

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Stages Relationships Go Through Due To Substance
Abuse

• 3. DISORGANIZATION
• More anger
• More irresponsibility
• Tearing at each other
• Fusion abuser so messed up that partners loses
  their identity/individuality
• All forms of CARING are gone

• 4. CRISIS
• Detachment partner gets on with their life
• Separation and no intimacy
• Emotionally divorced
• Chemical has destroyed the relationship

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Stages Relationships Go Through Due To Substance
Abuse

• 5. PARTNER ESCAPES THE PROBLEM OR THE ABUSER MAY
  GO
• Live separate lives
• Separated partner carries with them many super
  structures
• Abuser loves the partner yet love the chemical
  more
• Partner sees the person as sick ,has pity, is
  confused

• Relationship can recover if you realize it is the
  chemical
• Sick relationship not bad relationship
• can reconcile if the abuser can give up the
  chemical

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Journal ActivityThree Paragraphs (1 for each
question)

• 1. Write one well written paragraph answering the
  following question. In what ways have you
  stopped getting to know more about your friends,
  family members or classmates?
• 2.Find and quote three passages in the Gospels
  that describe how, in his relationships with
  others, Jesus lived one or more of the key
  elements of intimacy..
• 3. Include in the last paragraph, how you can use
  these scriptures to overcome some of the
  obstacles that inhibit intimacy in your
  relationship with others.