Interpersonal Communication Skills

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ES2002 Business Communication

• Interpersonal Communication Skills

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What are interpersonal communication skills?

• Verbal non-verbal interactions in one-on-one
  small-group settings.
• Also known as people skills or soft skills.
• Ranked in a survey as the most important
  requirement for successful job performance.

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Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills

• Assertion
• Paraphrasing
• Feedback
• Feedforward
• Networking

Read supplementary notes on Giving and
Receiving Criticisms
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Assertion
Assertion
Submissive Behaviours
Assertive Behaviours
Aggressive Behaviours
Does not express honest feelings, needs,
values and concerns May speak softly or
hesitatingly Communicates I dont matter
Stands up for own rights, expresses personal
needs, values, concerns and ideas appropriately
Expresses feelings, needs and concerns at others
expense May speak loudly, may be rude and
sarcastic Always concerned with what I want
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Assertion
Assertion

• In a packed theatre, the people behind you keep
  talking in a fairly loud voice, distracting you
  from the plot and detracting you from your
  enjoyment of the movie. The theatre is so
  crowded that you cannot change seats.

Response A You say nothing at all and suffer in
silence. Response B You turn around and say,
Dont you have any respect for others? If you
dont shut up immediately, Ill call the manager
and have him throw you out of the
theatre. Response C You turn around, and say
in a firm voice, Can you please stop talking?
It is distracting me from my enjoyment of the
movie.
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Three-part assertion message
Assertion

• Use of I language in assertion.
• Behaviour When you do not let me know you will
  be late
• Feelings I feel annoyed
• Effects because I am unable to reschedule my
  timetable.

Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Non-judgmental Description of Behaviour
Assertion
Be specific When you ignore company policies When you arrive late for work three times this week
Do not draw inferences When you left the meeting early just because Frank criticised you When you left the meeting 20 minutes before your report was to be given
Be objective When you behave like a male chauvinist pig When you are never on time When you say women are incapable of being effective managers When you are frequently late
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Clarification of Tangible Effect
Assertion
Behaviour description Disclosure of feelings Tangible effect on asserter
Costs money When you use my car and dont refill the petrol tank I feel unfairly treated because I have to pay more money for petrol
Harms possessions When you borrow my tools and leave them out in the rain I feel annoyed because they become rusty and dont work well
Consumes time When you are late frequently to pick me up after work I feel frustrated because my time is wasted while I wait for you
Interferes with effectiveness at work When you call me at work and talk at length I feel tense because I cant get all my work done on schedule
Causes extra work When you do not put your dirty clothes in the basket I feel irritated because I have to do the extra work of collecting them
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Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Assertion
Disclosure of Feelings

• Consider culture

• Avoid using value-laden words

When you smoke in our small office, I feel abused

Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
I feel annoyed I feel irritated I feel
worried I feel embarrassed I feel upset I feel
hurt I feel disappointed I feel anxiousI feel
unfairly treated I feel uncomfortable
Which of these are you comfortable with?
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Non-disclosure of Feelings
Assertion
Behaviour description Tangible effect on asserter
Costs money When you use my car and dont refill the petrol tank I have to pay more money for petrol
Harms possessions When you borrow my tools and leave them out in the rain they become rusty and dont work well
Consumes time When you are late frequently to pick me up after work my time is wasted while I wait for you
Interferes with effectiveness at work When you call me at work and talk at length I cant get all my work done on schedule
Causes extra work When you do not put your dirty clothes in the basket I have to do the extra work of collecting them
How do you feel about this?
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Assertion
Your report is too sloppy. Youll have to retype it. Im afraid the boss will get angry at both of us if we turn in a report with these many errors. Well get a better reaction if its retyped.
That was a dumb promise you made. We can never have the job done by the end of the month. Im worried about the promise you made. I dont see how we can get the job done by the end of the month.
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing
A paraphrase is a concise response to the speaker
which states the essence of the others content
in the listeners own words.
Jamie I dont know whether to have a baby or
not. George isnt sure either. I love my work
its stimulating and challenging and Im
well-paid. But sometimes I yearn to have a child
and be a full-time mother.
Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
Kim I understand what youre saying. You enjoy
your work so much, but sometimes you feel a
strong pull toward motherhood.
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Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing

• Re-state senders message in your own words to
  show your desire to understand the sender.
• So, youre saying that
• Let me just see if Ive understood you correctly
  
• Pitch your response appropriately to suit the
  senders mood.

Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills
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Feedforward
Feedforward

• Feedback after message is sent.
• Feedforward before main message is sent.
• Why feedforward?
• When message might offend receiver or
• reflect badly on you, e.g. I dont mean to be
  difficult but
• When you want to prepare receiver for your
  message.

Techniques for Effective Interpersonal Skills