Keeping Your Cool When Conversations Get Hot

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Keeping Your Cool When Conversations Get Hot

• Cheryl Hall Barb Schinderle
• Early Childhood Education Family Services
  Michigan Department of Education

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Learn to Spot a Crucial Conversation
1. Opinions vary 2. Stakes are high and 3.
Emotions run strong Look for physical signs,
such as stomach ache, dry throat, sweaty
palms Has anyone gone to Silence or Violence?
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If you need to initiate a Crucial Conversation
Start with the Heart 1. Work on yourself
first by noticing when youre in a Crucial
Conversation and realizing what you are doing
to contribute to the problem. 2. Focus on
what you really want for yourself, for the
other person, and for the relationship. 3.
Refuse the Suckers Choice - when it seems
there are only two ugly options, look for a
third option.
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If there is a misunderstanding regarding your
purpose, or the conversation is going in
circles

• Make it Safe
• Decide which condition of safety is at risk
• (Mutual Purpose or Mutual Respect).
• Apologize when appropriate.
• Contrast by starting with what you dont intend
  or mean, then explain what you do intend or
  mean.
• 3. CRIB to get to mutual purpose
• Commit to seek Mutual Purpose
• Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
  
• Invent a Mutual Purpose
• Brainstorm new strategies

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If you are getting emotional or telling clever
stories
Master your clever stories separate facts
from stories. Watch for three clever
stories the victim, the villain, and the
helpless.
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When you have a tough message to share and/or you
dont want to come across as too pushy
STATE your path Share your facts Tell your
story Ask for others paths Talk tentatively
Encourage testing
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Turn Crucial Conversations into action and
results
Decide how to decide Command Decisions
are made without involving
others. Consult Input is gathered from the
group, then a subset decides. Vote An
agreed upon percentage makes the
decision. Consensus All agree and support
the final decision.
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For additional information, please contact us

• Cheryl Hall
• hallc7_at_michigan.gov
• Barb Schinderle
• schinderleb_at_michigan.gov