Love, partner choice and culture

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Love, partner choice and culture

• Prof Robin Goodwin
• Social Sciences and Law
• Brunel University

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What are the top 6 things you are looking for in
a boy (girl) friend (casual partner)?
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What are the top 6 things you are looking for in
a husband (wife)?
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Who we choose (partner preferences)

• An old topic at least 60 years of questions
• Western research abstract qualities (honesty,
  kindness)
• More traditional, rural communities in collective
  societies pragmatic qualities (money, family
  connections, religion)
• Of course, choice is often non-existent, or
  limited.

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But it does depend

• Partly on type of relationship (boyfriend,
  husband). Hofstede (1996) in 8 Asian cities
• Boyfriends with humour
• Husbands with status, and wealth
• This particularly the case in masculine countries
  (sex-role orientated) e.g. Japan rather than
  Thailand.

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Migrant populations

• In the UK considerable variation amongst ethnic
  groups in
• Opportunities for mixed sex contact
• Who is allowed to date at all
• Choice of boyfriends (if any)
• Timing of marriage
• Pre-marital meetings (if any)
• Marital choice (religion/ caste/ family
  connections)
• Asian parents maybe more protective towards
  daughters and who they meet

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Migrant relations (2)

• Often this expressed in individualistic terms
  less the union of families as the finding of a
  suitable like-minded partner.

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We get evidence from personal ads

• Education and income frequently mentioned in more
  collectivist societies
• GSOH etc in Western societies
• But sex dependent not good for a Chinese woman
  to be too educated (Honig Herschatter, 1988)
  she should be beautiful, with poise, and good
  household manager.

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Being beautiful helps

• An old notion what is beautiful is good (Dion
  et al, 1972)
• But depends on the judgement made (Eagly, 1991,
  Feingold, 1992) we dont necessarily think
  beauty modesty
• Stereotyping on beauty might depend on culturally
  important beliefs (e.g. integrity maybe beauty
  in collectivist countries)

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On Love Contrasting cultures

• Burgess Wallin (1953) The expected, approved,
  and sanctioned precondition to marriage in
  American society is falling in love. According to
  our mores, love is the only right basis for
  marriage
• Hsu (1981) An American asks how does my heart
  feel? A Chinese asks What will other people
  say?

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In reality

• Love is probably important everywhere (Jankowiak
  Fischer, 1992).
• Just because authorities oppose it, doesnt mean
  it doesnt happen!
• But may be a fairly recent phenomenon love and
  marriage only really together in Western
  literature for last 300 years.

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Expression of love depends on culture
Not much at all
A great deal
Taliban
Hollywood ideal
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Love as disruptive

• Goode (1959) stratification and lineage
  challenged by effects of love
• Where extended family is important, love
  relationships must be kept to minimum
• Love only sanctioned within certain situations,
  and then encouraged as social glue. Love as
  fusion
• Individualism seen as damaging as self interests
  put before those of the community (Beck
  Beck-Gernsheim, 1995).

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Love as the basis for marriage

• Love as fission an exciting emotion that is the
  logic behind sexual union
• Passionate and intimate, rather than just
  commitment
• Individualism seen as a complement to this love
  a retreat from a cruel world, and reflective of
  true selves (Dion Dion, 1993).
• Although self-choice, emotion not necessarily
  longer-lasting or more intense.

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But the story often complicated

• Work in African and West Indian societies on love
  scales (e.g. Stones, 1986 Payne Vandewiele,
  1987) shows importance of traditional beliefs,
  local conditions (e.g. employment).
• Chinese societies love often seen as sad. Holding
  hands in public traditionally scorned. Yuan-fen
  scores similar in Chinese and British students
  (Goodwin Findlay, 1997) reflects Hollywood?
• In traditional Indian literature, infatuation and
  romantic love reported, but not necessarily
  relevant to marriage

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Discuss

1. If a boy (girl) had the qualities you desired,
   would you marry this person if you were not in
   love with him (her)?
2. If love has disappeared from a marriage, is it
   best for a couple to make a clean break and start
   new lives?
3. Is the disappearance of love a sufficient reasons
   for ending a marriage?

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Some answers showing love as important Levine et
al (1995)
Question 1 Question 2 Question 3
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Love styles (Lee, 1973)

• Eros (romantic, passionate)
• Ludus (game playing)
• Storge (friendship)
• Mania (obsessive)
• Pragma (logical)
• Agape (altruistic)
• Discuss Which are men? Older people?

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Cultural differences in love styles
UK/US students Asian students
Eros ? X
Ludus
Storge X ?
Mania X ?
Pragma X ?
Agape
Hendrick Hendrick (1986) Dion Dion (1993)
Goodwin Findlay (1997)
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Attachment styles (and other individual-level
variables)

• Maybe more important than culture? (Doherty et
  al, 1994)
• Anxiety-ambivalent high highly passionate love
• Secure styles less passionate, but comfortable
  and companionate.
• Avoidant styles less passion, and less
  commitment. Pretty sad, generally.

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But social change is happening, fast!

• Rapid industrialisation in India, China changing
  communities and limiting ability of parents/
  family to control partner choice
• Migration, internet exposure etc opening
  individuals to new ideas and partner choices (e.g
  through internet dating)
• At same time, resistance Traditional values
  being reinforced in some parts of world, largely
  through religious influence. New adaptive
  strategies developed (e.g. Gujarati partner
  choice in Leicester)