Perspectives on love

1
Perspectives on love

• Neurochemistry revelations vs. 12th century
  passion and commitment

2
What is love?

• A growing, giving, voluntary feeling of intense
  affection and commitment to another?
• OR
• An intoxicating, overpowering mix of
  neurotransmitters fine-tuned by evolutionary
  processes to draw us together to reproduce?

3
Does this sound familiar?

• You meet and subsequently become deeply attracted
  to someone.
• You constantly think of them.
• You tingle in their presence.
• You plan on reunion whenever apart.
• You worry about whether they share your feelings.
  
• You are utterly devastated if they do not.

4
The real chemistry of love

• Just as they influence our mood, energy levels,
  motor skills, and impulse control,
  neurotransmitters have a profound effect on
  sexual attraction.
• Two appear to have a particularly dramatic role
  to play phenylethylamine (PEA) and dopamine.

5
Phenylethylamine pea

• A neurotransmitter closely associated with
  intense passion and attraction
• Surging levels accompany the initial elation and
  intense excitement and euphoria of new love
• Chemically similar to amphetamines
• When we meet someone who is attractive to us,
  the whistle blows at the PEA factory.

6
examples

• Love at first sight
• The thunderbolt
• A crush

7
dopamine

• Allied to pleasure, reward, and addiction
• Its release produces great pleasure, telling us
  what we like
• Also similar to amphetamines
• MRIs of those passionately in love demonstrate
  that a picture of our beloved leads to heightened
  activity in parts of the frontal lobes saturated
  with dopamine receptors

8
Effects on behavior and experience

• We can talk all night
• Well sacrifice sleep we dont seem to need it
  anyway
• The whole world seems to pulse with new beauty
  and excitement
• We focus on the object of our desire
• We take risks

9
The down side

• We are anxious and awkward like never before
• We can be overly sensitive and emotional
• And if things go bad .
• We feel searing emotional pain
• We cant sleep or suffer early rising
• We feel worthless, humiliated
• Its like withdrawal from an addictive drug

10
As time goes on

• Even if we stay together, the potency of this
  chemical cocktail slowly fades
• We just cant maintain this high
• Maybe its a simple matter of building tolerance
• Or maybe its because we just need four years of
  intense bonding for two parents to conceive and
  nurture their child

11
Chemistry and love part ii

• But just because the neurotransmitters aligned
  with infatuation fade, does that mean that such
  chemicals play no further role in keeping couples
  together?
• Nope, different neurotransmitters and hormones
  exert their influence to keep us together.

12
Endorphins to the rescue

• Some theorists contend that as the intense
  passion and lust prompted by PEA and dopamine
  fades, the brain produces more and more
  endorphins soothing us with their morphine-like
  effects
• They give us security and serenity
• But if their source vanishes, for whatever
  reason, nasty withdrawal ensues

13
The cuddle chemical

• Another chemical influence that keeps couples
  together is the hormone oxytocin
• Released when we express physical affection,
  especially through skin contact
• Hugging, massage, foreplay, and especially,
  breast feeding
• Strong feelings of intimacy and contentment
• Prairie voles have it in spades, until .

14
And then theres testosterone

• A hormone crucial for sexual interest and
  response for both men and women
• Women have much less, but are more sensitive to
  its effects
• Produced in the males testes and womens
  ovaries
• If a male endures castration (surgical removal
  of the testes) his sexual interest and activity
  diminish dramatically

15
Behaviors that bind us

• Gottman examined why relationships last and
  thrive or fade and fail
• The 5 to 1 ratio
• Successful relationships have at least 5 positive
  interactions to every negative interaction
• More important than compatibility, frequency of
  fights, etc.