FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21ST CENTURY

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FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21ST
CENTURY

• UNDERSTANDING THE REALITIES!
• Dennis Franck, Director
• Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries
• Assemblies of God, USA

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MYTHS--WHAT DO YOU THINK?

• EVERYONE SHOULD GET MARRIED
• SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH YOU IF NOT MARRIED
• SINGLE ADULTS
• HAVE FEWER PROBLEMS THAN MARRIED ADULTS
• ARE LOSERS
• ARE LONELY
• ARE RICH...
• ARE ON THE PROWL
• CHRISTIANS MUST REJECT MYTHS AND STEREOTYPES
  ABOUT SINGLE ADULTS!

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44 U.S. ADULTS NOT MARRIED(AGE 18)
Never married 61.5 M 26.9 Divorced 23.7
M 10.4 Widowed 14.3 M 6.3 99.5 M
43.6 Separated 5.5 M 2.4 Source
U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey,
2010 Social Economic Supplement            
   
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Median Age at First Marriage Men Women 2004
27.8 26.5 1990 26.1
23.9 1980 24.7 22.0 1970 23.2
20.8 1960 22.8 20.3 USA Today-July 18,
2005, 6 D-taken from the 2005 census bureau
demographics
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Growth of Single Person Households 1900 5 of
all households 1960 13 of all households 1970
17 of all households 2008 28 of all
households America's Families and Living
Arrangements 2008 http//www.census.gov/Pres
s Release/www/releases/archives/families_household
s/013378.html  
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UNMARRIED HOUSEHOLDS MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS

• Married households 2005 2010
• 55.2 million49.8 percent 51.0 percent
• Unmarried households
• 55.8 million 50.2 percent 49.0 percent
• 14 million single women
• 5 million single men
• 36. 7 million single, non family- friends of
  same/opposite sex
• -Reported in 10/15/06 Yahoo News, Maxim Kniazkov
• U.S. CENSUS BUREAU - 2005 American Community
  Survey
• http//news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/af
  plifestyleusscociety_061015170214

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THE FACE OF THE FAMILY HAS CHANGED!Nuclear
Family
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Single - Parent Family
Step/Blended - Parent Family
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Single - Parent Families

• S P households - 27. 3 of households with
  children under 18
• 1 in 2 children born mid 90s or later will live
  in a
• single parent family
• 24 million children live in a home absent their
  father
• 4 of 10 children are born to unmarried
  parents(39 in 2008)
• http//abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/story?
  id7575268page1
• 43 of teens do not live with both natural
  parents
• Nuclear families (both original parents) - 24 of
  all families
• --Goter, Susan, Strategic Adult
  Ministry Journal, Issue 146, 12, 13
  --Horn, Wade F., President of the
  National Fatherhood Initiative, Gaithersburg, Md
• --SAM Journal, Issue 144, p 7 and
  Issue 146, p 13

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Divorce/Step/Blended Families

• 8 YEARS Average duration of 1st marriage ending
  in divorce
• 6 YEARS Average duration of 2nd marriage ending
  in divorce
• --American Blended Family Association
• --http//www.usabfa.org/Default.aspx?pa
  geId188238
• 23 M blended family/step-family households in U.
  S.
• 2,100 new blended families formed daily in U. S.
• 68 of blended family re-marriages fail within 6
  years
• 
  --Time Magazine,
  September 25, 2000 - Family Barna Research
  Online

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• Divorce/Remarriage
• 43 percent of first marriages divorce 1
• 60 percent of remarriages with children divorce 1
• 65 percent of remarriages with children from a
• prior marriage divorce 1
• 65 percent of simple stepfamilies (1 partner with
  a child)
• divorce 2
• 70 percent of complex stepfamilies (both partners
  
• have children) divorce 2
• 1 January 9, 2006, Newsweek, The Familymoon
• 2 In her book For Better or For Worse Divorce
  Reconsidered, Dr. Hetherington specifies the
  divorce rate for step-couples to be 50 percent
  higher in remarriages with stepchildren
  Specifically, then, the divorce rate is 65-70.
  (p. 178).

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COHABITATION-U. S.

• 2007 - 6.2 million unmarried-partner households
• 5.5 million of the opposite sex.
  www.census.gov/acs/www/Products/users_guid
  e/index.htm
• Nearly half of 25 - 40 yr. olds have cohabitated
• 2006 - 6 million couples now cohabitate
• --The National Marriage
  Project-Rutgers University - 2006
• 21 of all unmarried-partner households include
  children
• Step Family Association of America

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THE CHURCH MUST REACH NEW TYPES OF FAMILIES

• SINGLE PERSON FAMILY
• SINGLE PARENT FAMILY
• STEP PARENT FAMILY
• BLENDED PARENT FAMILY
• NUCLEAR FAMILY
• EXPANDED FAMILY
• GRANDPARENT FAMILY
• UNMARRIED PARENT FAMILY
• HOMOSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY
• HOMOSEXUAL/HETEROSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY

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IN U. S. 44 OF ALL ADULTS ARE SINGLE OR
SINGLE-AGAIN! (AGE 18)

• IN MANY CHURCHES, ONLY 25-35 OF ADULTS ARE
  SINGLE/SINGLE-AGAIN!
• WHY DO OUR CHURCHES HAVE A SMALLER PERCENTAGE
  THAN SOCIETY HAS?

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THE NEEDS
CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS Out of the divorces,
widowhood, the singles bars, clubs, apartment and
condominiums, comes a torrent of need, and it is
flowing right past the door of our
churches...there is boundless talent and
creativity in this flood of young adults/single
adults. The church can help and it can also be
helped. It can give and it can receive.
OPPORTUNITY IS THERE! WHAT WILL WE DO? -Edward
Gwen Weising, Authors of Singleness-An
Opportunity for Growth and Fulfillment
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A SURVEY OF SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

• UNMARRIED - SINGLE, SINGLE-AGAIN
• ALL AGES18 - 98 YRS.
• NEVER MARRIED
• FORMERLY MARRIED
• WIDOWED
• SINGLE PARENT
• SEPARATED

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SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

• MARRIED NOW BUT WERE SINGLE-AGAIN DUE TO
• DEATH OF A MARRIAGE
• DEATH OF A SPOUSE

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SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

• HAVE A RELATIVE WHO IS
• DIVORCED
• WIDOWED
• NOT MARRIED-18 YRS OR OLDER
• SEPARATED

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A Survey of Singleness

• If you are helping/working in the Young Adult OR
  Single Adult Ministry, stay standing.

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SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH

• BY ATTENDING
• BUT WE MUST PROVIDE RELEVANT ENTRY POINTS FOR
  THEM!

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UNIQUE INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTSWHERE IN
THE CHURCH ARE THESE ADDRESSED?

• Rearing kids alone
• Shared parenting
• Relating to my former spouse
• Managing sexuality as a single adult
• Financial issues as a single
• Building healthy relationships with same/opposite
  sex
• Relating to spouse during separation
• Forgiving my former spouse
• Contentment as a single adult
• Dating/dating again
• Divorce Recovery

• Grief Recovery
• Learning to trust again
• Loneliness and singleness
• Singleness in a family-oriented church
• Finding my career
• Pre - marital education
• Re marital education
• Blending families
• Relating to married adults as a single adult
• Adjusting to widowhood
• Healthy step-parenting

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SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE
CHURCHNUMERICALLY!

• SINGLE ADULT VS. MARRIED ADULT CLASSES
• OF VISITORS OUTSIDE THE CHURCH?
• OF VISITORS INSIDE THE CHURCH?
• USUALLY 40-60 OF SUNDAY AM VISITORS
• ARE SINGLE!

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SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH

• BY GIVING TITHES AND OFFERINGS!

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ITS WORTH KNOWING!

• NOT ALL SINGLE ADULTS ARE POOR!
• FINANCIALLY DIVERSE GROUP
• Single parent below poverty-level line
• Single adult making six-figure income
• NO NEED TO CHECK WITH SPOUSE BEFORE GIVING!
• GOD HAS ONLY ONE PERSON TO CONVINCE
• TO TITHE!
• TO GIVE TO A PROJECT!
• TO GIVE TO MISSIONS!

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ITS WORTH KNOWING!

• TITHERS/GIVERS IN THIS CHURCH
• OF ALL MARRIED ADULTS ?
• OF ALL SINGLE ADULTS?
• SINGLE ADULTS USE ONLY ONE SEAT!
• PRINCIPLE OF SOWING AND REAPING
• Galatians 67 A person will reap what he sows.

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SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH

• BY SERVING!

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CONCERNING SERVING

• I COR.732-35 Paul says for ministry, singleness
  is better!
• I COR. 7 26-28 Paul encourages singleness
• Paul was single at this point

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SINGLE ADULTS HAVE

• MORE FREEDOM TO MAKE DECISIONS
• TO SERVE
• TO LEAD
• MORE FLEXIBILITY WITH
• SCHEDULE
• TRAVEL
• LIVING LOCATION
• TIME (except single parents)

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CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS
Every group in the church has unique needs and
gifts...children, youth, men, women, marrieds
etc. Because we have put emphasis on these
groups for so long, we have inadvertently
forgotten the singles and have led them to
believe we don't expect them to be involved in
ministry. The apostle Paul said that for ministry
it is better to be single! (I Cor.7 25-35) The
purpose of ministry to singles is to help them
see they ARE the church and to help them come to
a place of ministry.  -David Reddout, Pastor,
First Assembly of God--Leesville, LA-Adult
Ministries Consultant, Assemblies of God Sunday
School Department--1981-1985  
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PERSONAL BIASES?

• WHEN NOMINATING OR CHOOSING LEADERSHIP IN THE
  CHURCH FOR
• PASTORAL STAFF
• ELDERS
• DEACONS
• SMALL GROUP LEADERS
• ADULT CLASS TEACHERS
• Do you think of married adults first?Why?
• How many single adults fill these positions?
• Does the of single leaders equal the of
  single adults in the church?

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MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON WHOLE OR MATURE!

• PEOPLE ARE WHOLE AND COMPLETE WHETHER
• MARRIED OR SINGLE!
• COL. 210 YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM!

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SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH

• BY BRINGING PEOPLE
• TO CHRIST!

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SINGLE ADULTS SHARING CHRIST

• LOCAL OUTREACH EVENTS
• FRIENDSHIP EVANGELISM
• SHORT-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS
• LONG-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS
• IN MANY AREAS OF WORLD SINGLE ADULTS ARE SETTING
  THE PACE

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PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE!

• JOSEPH-Fled advances of Potiphars wife
• LILLIAN TRASHER- Orphanage in Egypt
• CORRIE TEN BOOM-Survivor of death camps
• DIETRICH BONHOFFER-Writer/spiritual
  philosopher
• GRIMKE SISTERS-First women to speak
• publicly against slavery
  in the south
• MOTHER THERESA-Humanitarian
• IRENA SENDLER Polish Catholic social worker
  smuggled/rescued 2500 Jewish children

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PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE!

• POPE BENEDICT XVI - Leader of the Catholic world
• HENRIETTA MEARS - Gospel Light Publishing founder
• EVANGELINE BOOTHE - Daughter of William Booth-
  helped to begin the Salvation Army
• CLARA BARTON - Founder of the Red Cross
• APOSTLE PAUL - Greatest missionary/author
• JESUS-Savior of the world
• THEY WERE ALL SINGLE ADULTS!

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THINK ABOUT IT

• IN THE BEGINNING
• The first humans were created single (Gen. 27)
• IN THE END
• We will all be single-again in heaven (Matt.
  2230)
• IN BETWEEN
• God sent a single adult to save us (John 112)

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THREE SINGLE ADULTS WHO CHANGED THE WORLD!

• OUR FAITH IS BASED UPON
• A Jewish single adult from Galilee
• Whose ministry was preceded by a single adult
  named John the Baptist
• And whose mission thrust was modeled by a single
  adult named Paul

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www.youngadults.ag.org