Singlehood, Pairing,

1
Chapter 7

• Singlehood, Pairing,
• and Cohabitation

2
Chapter Outline

• Choosing partners
• Dating and romantic relationships
• Singlehood
• Cohabitation

3
Marriage Marketplace

• Selection activities when sizing up someone as a
  potential date or mate.
• Each person has resources, such as social class,
  status, age, and physical attractiveness.
• Men offer status, economic resources, and
  protection.
• Women offer nurturing, childbearing, and
  physical attractiveness.

4
Marriage Squeeze

• Gender imbalance reflected in the ratio of
  available unmarried women to men.
• There are significantly more unmarried women than
  men, but in the age group of 15 to 39 years,
  there are significantly more unmarried men than
  women.
• Marital choice is also affected by the tendency
  for women to marry men of higher status.

5
Ratio of Unmarried Men to Unmarried Women, 2002
6
Field of Eligibles

• Consists of those of whom our culture approves as
  potential partners.
• Limited by the principles of endogamy and
  exogamy.
• Further limited by the tendency to choose a mate
  whose individual or group characteristics are
  similar to ours.

7
Reasons Heterogamous Marriages Might be Less
Stable

• Their values, attitudes, and behaviors, may be
  considerably different.
• They may lack approval from parents, relatives,
  and friends.
• They are probably less conventional and less
  likely to continue an unhappy marriage for the
  sake of appearances.

8
Stimulus-value-role Theory

• In the stimulus stage, each person is attracted
  to the other before the actual interaction.
• In the value stage, each weighs the others basic
  values for compatibility.
• In the role stage, each person analyzes the
  others behaviors in roles as lover, companion,
  and so on.

9
Initiating a Breakup

• Be sure you want to break up.
• Conflicts or problems, instead of being a reason
  to break up,may be a rich source of personal
  development if they are worked out.
• Acknowledge that your partner will be hurt.
• Not breaking up because you dont want to hurt
  your partner may actually be an excuse for not
  wanting to be honest.

10
Initiating a Breakup

• Once you end the relationship, do not see your
  former partner as friends until considerable
  time has passed.
• Being friends may be a subterfuge for continuing
  the relationship on terms wholly advantageous to
  yourself.
• Dont change your mind.
• Ambivalence after ending a relationship is not a
  sign that you made a wrong decision neither is
  loneliness. Both indicate that the relationship
  was valuable for you.

11
If Your Partner Breaks up With You

• The pain and loneliness you feel are natural and
  they will eventually pass.
• They are part of the loss of an important
  relationship, but they are not necessarily signs
  of love.
• You are worthwhile, whether you are with a
  partner or not.
• Keep a sense of humor. It may help ease the pain.

12
Singlehood

• According to the 2000 Census, 24 of the U.S.
  population, 18 and older, had never married.
• Over 68 million adult Americans (18 or older) are
  unmarried (divorced or never married).
• When we include the 13.6 million widows and
  widowers, the number rises to over 80 million
  Americans.

13
Unmarried Lifestyles

• Never married
• Divorced
• Young
• Old
• Single parents
• Gay men
• Lesbians
• Widows and widowers

14
Factors in Rising Number of Single Adults

• Delayed marriage - The longer one postpones
  marriage, the greater the likelihood of never
  marrying.
• Expanded lifestyle and employment options
  currently open to women.
• Increased rates of divorce and decreased
  likelihood of remarriage.

15
Factors in Rising Number of Single Adults

• Increased number of women enrolled in colleges
  and universities.
• More liberal social and sexual standards.
• Uneven ratio of unmarried men to unmarried women.

16
of Never-Married Women and Men, 19702000
Male Male Female Female
Age 1970 2000 1970 2000
2024 35.8 83.7 54.7 72.8
2529 10.5 51.7 19.1 38.1
3034 6.2 30.1 9.4 21.9
3539 5.4 20.3 7.2 14.3
4044 4.9 15.7 6.3 11.8
17
Pushes and Pulls Toward Marriage
Pushes Pulls
Cultural normsLonelinessParental pressureSocial stigma of singlehoodFear of independenceMedia images Love and emotional securityPhysical attraction and sexDesire for childrenEconomic securitySocial status grown-up
18
Pushes and Pulls Toward Singlehood
Pushes Pulls
Problems in marriage Stagnant relationship with spouse Feelings of isolation with spousePoor communication with spouse Sexual problems Freedom to growSelf-sufficiencyExpanded friendshipsMobilitySexual exploration
19
Four Types of Singles

• Ambivalents voluntarily single and consider
  their singleness temporary.
• Wishfuls involuntarily and temporarily single.
  They are actively seeking marital partners but
  have been unsuccessful so far.

20
Four Types of Singles

• Resolveds Regard themselves as permanently
  single. A small percentage are priests, nuns, or
  single parents who prefer rearing their children
  alone.
• Regretfuls Prefer to marry but are resigned to
  their fate.

21
Singles Myths And Realities

• Singles are dependent on their parents.
• Few differences exist between singles and
  marrieds in their perceptions of their parents
  and relatives.
• Singles are self-centered.
• Singles value friends more than do married
  people.
• Singles are more involved in community service
  projects.

22
Singles Myths And Realities

• Singles have more money.
• Fewer than half the singles interviewed made more
  than 20K/ a year.
• Singles are happier.
• Singles tend to believe that they are happier
  than marrieds, whereas marrieds believe that they
  are happier than singles.
• Singles view singlehood as a lifetime
  alternative.
• The majority of singles expected to be married
  within five years.

23
Characteristics of Singlehood

• Singles dont easily fit into married society.
• Singles have more time.
• Singles have more choices and more opportunities
  for leisure activities.

24
Characteristics of Singlehood

• Singles have more fun.
• Singles engage more in sports and physical
  activities, and have more sexual partners than do
  marrieds.
• Singles are lonely.
• The feeling of loneliness is more pervasive for
  the divorced than the never married.

25
Reasons to Cohabit

• Temporary casual convenience
• Affectionate dating or going together.
• Economic advantage or necessity.
• Trial marriage.
• Respite from being single.
• Temporary alternative to marriage.
• Permanent alternative to marriage.

26
Cohabitation 1960 to 2001
27
Legal Rights and Benefits Only For Married Couples

• File joint tax returns
• Automatically make medical decisions if your
  partner is injured or incapacitated.
• Automatically inherit your partners property if
  he or she dies without a will.
• Enter hospitals, jails, and other places
  restricted to immediate family.
• Create a marital life estate trust.

28
Legal Rights and Benefits Only For Married Couples

• Claim the unlimited marital deduction from estate
  taxes.
• Receive survivors benefits.
• Obtain health and dental insurance, bereavement
  leave, and other employment benefits.

29
Legal Rights and Benefits Only For Married Couples

• Collect unemployment benefits if you quit your
  job to move with a partner who has obtained a new
  job.
• Live in neighborhoods zoned family only.
• Get residency status for a noncitizen partner to
  avoid deportation.

30
Gay and Lesbian Cohabitation

• Between 600,000 and 1.5 million gay men and
  lesbians cohabit.
• Whereas heterosexual cohabiting couples tend to
  adopt a traditional marriage model, lesbians and
  gay men utilize a best friend model that
  promotes equality in roles and power.