How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk

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How
To
Avoid
Marrying
A
Dating
J E R K
JERK(ETTE)
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Session 1
A Birds Eye View Of Dating
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
1. DISCLAIMER Difficult friends ( partners)
come in both genders
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
2. Warning Signs of Difficult Partners
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• JERRY MCGUIRE
• Jerry breaks up with a girlfriend who has issues.
• What are her issues?
• What seems to be her true attitude toward Jerry?

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• MADEAS FAMILY REUNION
• What is the initial impression this man gives to
  others?
• How is it that some people look so good on the
  surface but can be so hurtful when you really get
  to know them?

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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
Warning Signs of Difficult Partners
Little insight into yourself or how others see you
1.
Poor emotional controls
2.
Inadequate relationship skills
3.
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
4. Two Purposes of this Program
The HEAD To learn about the five predictive
areas of a prospective mate.
1.
The HEART To learn about the five bonding
dynamics in a relationship.
2.
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
5. How the R.A.M. Explains Relationships
1.
The RAM portrays the five sources of love
closeness
2.
The RAM measures the closeness in a relationship
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
5. How the RAM Explains Relationships cont.
Knowledge (or Intimacy) Talk Togetherness
Time
3.
The RAM explains the logic of love
4.
The RAM portrays safe relationships Each level
should not exceed the previous level
5.
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
The SAFE ZONE for RELATIONSHIPS Never Allow One
Level To Exceed The Previous
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Relationship Attachment Model
Know Trust Rely Commit Touch
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
The SAFE ZONE for RELATIONSHIPS Never Allow One
Level To Exceed The Previous
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A Birds Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Session One
6. Five Key Areas To Grow To Know
F amily background
A ttitudes actions of conscience
C ompatibility potential
E xamples of other relationships
S kills of communication
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Session 2
You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
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Brother
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Sister
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Mother
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Father
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• MADEAS FAMILY REUNION
• How has the mother influenced her daughter?
• How would you describe the mothers conscience?
• What will the daughter have to do to change the
  way her mother shaped her?

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You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
Session Two
2. Four Ingredients Necessary For Change
1. Insight
2. New Information
3. Deliberate Effort
4. Time
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You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
Session Two
3. How Your Family Shaped You
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• Medeas Family Reunion Restaurant Scene

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You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
Session Two
3. How Your Family Shaped You
The way you learned to handle your emotions
1.
2.
The way you learned power
3.
The way you learned family roles
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You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
Session Two
4. Exploring the Attitudes Actions of the
Conscience
A.
The conscience is your code of conduct
B.
The conscience is your concern for others
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You Cant Marry Jethro Without Gettin The
Clampetts
Session Two
Exploring the Conscience
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Session 3
The Ingredients For The Recipe Of A Lasting
Relationship
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The Ingredients For The Recipe
Of A Lasting Relationship
Session Three
1. Exploring the Compatibility
1
Personality Compatibility
2
Values Compatibility
3
Lifestyle Compatibility
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• Big Fat Greek Wedding Clip (when he joins her
  family at the restaurant and meets her family,
  dances and joins in with them).

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• Second clip from Big Fat Greek Wedding (when she
  talks with him in the hallway at his school)

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The Ingredients For The Recipe
Of A Lasting Relationship
Session Three
Is a strong attraction enough?
2. Exploring the Examples from Other
Relationship
The Detective Technique
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• Picture of shar jackson

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• Picture of Kevin Federline

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• Picture of shar and kevins first baby

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• Picture of shar and her second baby

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• Picture of Brittany kissing Kevin

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• Picture of Kevin and Shar (or separate pictures)

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• Picture of Brittany and Kevin with Brittany
  pregnant and a shirt with an arrow pointing to
  her belly.

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• Same picture just a closeup on her shirt and
  pregnant belly

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• A picture and article on Brittany and Kevin when
  they broke up. The picture was of their wedding
  day but the caption said, I never really loved
  him.

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Collage of pictures of the children from S K
and B K.
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The Ingredients For The Recipe
Of A Lasting Relationship
Session Three
3. Exploring the Skills for Building
Maintaining Relationships
1
Communication
Two Aspects of Communication
Speaker Skills
1.
2.
Listener Skills
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• There are some great Cosby clips that show
  communication between Cliff and his wife. Use one
  that role models positive communication styles.

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• HITCH has some clips that show skills and heart.
  Skills without heart is like skills without a
  conscience. The end of the movie has a scene
  where this is emphasized (on the boat). There is
  a funny scene where Hitch is teaching Kevin James
  the skill of how to kiss a woman.

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Session 4
Why Is It That Expectations Lead To
Disappointments?
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
1. Overview of Understanding Trust and
Reliance
What is Trust?
Trust is a feeling of confidence in someone that
comes from your opinion of him or her.
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
What is Reliance?
Reliance is a feeling of depending on someone
because this person has been there for you and
meets your needs.
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
Developing Trust Sculpting an Internal
Image of Your Partner
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• The restaurant scene in As Good As It Gets when
  he tells her that she makes him want to be a
  better man.

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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
2. Why You Keep Making Mistakes in Relationships
Only Seeing What You Want to See
A.
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
2. Why You Keep Making Mistakes cont.
Using love to get your act together
B.
Example of An Unhealthy Opposites Attract
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3
2
1
0
-1
-2
-3
-4
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
It has always been this way and it always will
C.
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
Investing Reliance
Tests For A Trustworthy Partner
3.
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• Scenes from Madeas family reunion with Frankie
  and Vanessa having positive dating experiences.

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• More of Frankie and Vanessa

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• More of Frankie and Vanessa

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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
Investing Reliance
Tests For A Trustworthy Partner
3.
ature
M
daptable
A
elationship Skills
R
esponsible
R
nner Confidence
I
nger Management
A
racious
G
motionally Stable
E
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Why is it that Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?
Session Four
Investing Reliance cont.
TEST Out Trust
4.
Test
T
Each
E
Step
S
Taken
T
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Session 5
Put The Horse Before The Cart
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
Defining Commitment
1.
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
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• The end of Forrest Gump where he tells her about
  some of his experiences and she says I wish I
  could have been there. He responds with You were

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
Defining Commitment
1.
The I WANT YOU in Commitment
A.
uo M.O.
D
xamples of Commitment
E
acrificial spirit
S
mportance of Partner
I
esistance to Temptations
R
verlasting Decision
E
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
Defining Commitment cont.
1.
The I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOU in Commitment
B.
islike of Alternatives
D
xpectations of Improvement
E
tigma of Starting Over
S
nvestment
I
hortage of Available Partners
S
ermination Effects
T
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• Clip from Madeas Family Reunion where Frankie and
  Vanessa are talking about sex before marriage.

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• Jerry McGuire gets advice about shoplifting the
  pooty

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
2.
How Far to Go in Sexual Touch Protecting Your
Judgment Before Marriage and Your Romance After
Marriage
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• When Harry Met Sally and the bedroom scene where
  innocent hug of comfort leads to sex (but without
  commitment)

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
A.
Living for the Present While Losing the Future
(Waiting in Dating Can Improve Sex in Marriage)
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• The very beginning of Hitch has a brief
  discussion in a pool hall about marriage.

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
A.
Living for the Present While Losing the Future
(Waiting in Dating Can Improve Sex in Marriage)
B.
Living for the Present While Losing the Future
(Waiting in Dating Can Your Judgment in Dating)
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• There is a Video The REAL DEAL that has a great
  story told by a woman who grew up in poverty,
  dated and became pregnant, then decided to get
  her act together abstain from sex and build
  healthier friendships in her dating.
• The video can be purchased at www.freeteens.org
  or call 201-358-1504

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