Transition to Parenthood

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Transition to Parenthood

• Or, youre not only having a baby youre
  becoming a parent

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Why have children?
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Why Do People Decide to Become Parents? (Hoffman
and Hoffman)
Value Need to Be Fulfilled
Adult status and social identity To be accepted as a responsible and mature adult member of the community.
Expansion of the self To have someone carry on for oneself after ones own death, as well as the need to have new growth and learning experiences and to add meaning to life.
Moral values For moral improvement, including becoming less selfish and learning to sacrifice, making a contribution to society, or satisfying ones religious requirements
Primary group ties and affection To express affection and attain intimacy with another person as well as to be the recipient of such feelings from someone else
Stimulation and fun To add the interest to life that children can provide
Achievement and creativity For accomplishment, achievement, and creativity that can come from having children and helping them grow
Power and influence To have influence over another person
Social comparison To have prestige or a competitive advantage over others through comparing the behavior, appearance, or accomplishments of ones children with those of other children
Economic Utility Related to economic usefulness and the face that children can sometimes help with the parents work or add their own income to the familys resources
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Functions of the Family

• Reproduction
• Economic services
• Social order
• Socialization
• Emotional support

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The context of household structure Family
Lifestyles and Transitions

• Demographic changes in American families
• From large to small families
• 1960 ? ? ?.1
• 2000 ?.8
• Family size and child rearing
• Growing up with siblings
• Ave. number of children desired by FMST 332
  students 3 (in one case, 3 boys)

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Realities of becoming a parent having a child
will change your life

• on self (image, body, energy)
• on couple relationship social relationships
• on how time is spent
• on personal space
• on work
• on wallet
• on heart

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When is a good time to become a parent?

• Feel ready
• End of childless years (Coltrane, 1997)
• Be ready
• Emotionally
• Financially
• Couple stability
• Physical Health
• Minimize the surprises
• Accept the responsibilities and uncertainties of
  parenting
• Buffer the impact on the couple relationship
• Negotiate the balance of work and family demands

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Increasing the odds of being a good parent
characteristics related to competent parenting

• Age and maturity
• Experience
• Social connectedness
• Education
• Income/financial well-being
• Partner status
• Emotional health
• Positive history of being parented

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Be ready Questions to ask in the decision to
become a parent

• Important questions to ask yourself before
  getting pregnant
• Why do I/we want a baby?
• Is my/our relationship strong right now?
• How will having a baby affect my/our life plan
  and goals?
• Do I/we want the responsibility of a child
  relying on me 24/7?
• Can I/we afford a child?

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How much does giving birth cost?

• General prenatal care
• Delivery
• Blood and urine tests
• Ultrasounds (usually will have 1-3)
• Prenatal testing (amniocentesis, genetic
  counseling)
• Time spent in the hospital
• Anesthesiology
• Cesarean section
• Postnatal care of baby in hospital
• Costs depend on insurance coverage and level of
  complications with the delivery

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And for the rest of the 18 years of the childs
life (at least)?

• Average cost of raising a child in Maryland (born
  in 2005)608,530
• Or, 2,817.27 a month
• Costs for
• Child care
• Clothing, shelter, food, transportation
• Health and dental care
• Entertainment, school needs, camps, travel
• Etc.

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Be ready Health

• Important steps to take before getting pregnant
• Talk with your health care provider
• Develop a healthy lifestyle
• Take prenatal vitamins
• Educate yourself about pregnancy
• Genetic counseling

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Deciding to Have a Child

• Important steps to take after getting pregnant
• Choose an OB/GYN pediatrician
• Decide where to have the baby
• Review health insurance policy
• Review leave benefits at work
• Put together a new family budget
• Continue to educate yourself about pregnancy

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Be ready Couple Relationship

• Before birth
• Focus more on baby than couple/partner
• View partner as lover and parent
• Adjust to physical changes of womans body
• Can we still have sex?
• May become closer or more distant
• Closer more time together, creating a child
  together
• Distant stress/conflict about finances,
  parenting, work, other insecurities

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Couple Relationship

• After birth
• Division of labor usually more traditional
• Easy for husband and wife to grow apart
• Intense focus on roles as dad and mom
• Too busy and too tired for intimacy
• Very little time without baby
• Change in size and composition of social network
• Changes in finances
• Who returns to work, who stays home? For how
  long?
• Babies cost a lot of money so does child care

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Challenging Transition Teen Parents

• Often times this is not a choice with a highly
  active father
• High drop-out rate unable to get good job
• Lack of parenting knowledge financial resources
• Babies more likely to be low birth weight and may
  have other health complications
• Teen parent relies on own parents for support and
  resources

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Alternative Transitions

• Adoptive / Foster parents
• Gay and lesbian parents
• Trans-cultural adoptions
• Single parents
• Guardian of a family member due to family crisis
• Fertility treatment IVF
• Older parents (35)

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Minimizing surprises

• Prepare your relationship
• Communication
• Role expectations and balance
• Time with each other
• Friendships
• Prepare your life
• Work-family balance
• Spending plan
• Home environment
• Social environment
• Prepare for the responsibilities and
  uncertainties of being a parent

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Minimize Surprises Accept the Responsibilities
and Uncertainties of Parenting
Basic Roles of Parenting
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Parenting competencies (NIH)

• Competencies (primarily an expansion of the
  guide development section)
• Respond to the child in an appropriate manner
• Prevent risky behavior or problems before they
  arise
• Monitor the child to support and encourage
  desired behaviors
• Mentor the child to support and encourage desired
  behaviors
• Model your own behavior to provide a consistent,
  positive example for the child

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Parenting Goals

• Product For my child to become an adult who is
• A good citizen
• Self-sufficient
• Physically and mentally healthy
• Strong and happy social relationships
• Process For my child to identify me as the most
  influential person to the person they are at 21,
  and characterize my influence on them as

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Individuality
Optimism
Inspirational
Loving
Strong
Encouraging
Energetic
AMAZING
Determined
Drive
Values
Independent
Selfless
Compassionate
Religious
motivation
Persistent
Guidance
Moral
Dominant
Thoughtful
Respectful
Caring
irreplacable
overprotective
empowering
Supportive