Show Don

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Show Dont TellPainting Pictures with Words

• Demonstration Lesson
• Terri Beeler
• July 7. 2003

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Objective Creating a Picture in the Readers
Mind Showing not telling in our writing
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Rationale/Theory It is common in classrooms to
hear teachers talking to children about their
writing using such terms as elaboration or
adding details. We talk about making a piece
come to life or being able to picture the setting
in our minds eye. What is often interpreted by
children is to add more words, usually
adjectives, to make the piece longer. The pieces
often grow long without becoming better pieces of
writing. Mark Twain put it best when he said,
Dont say the old lady screamed. Bring her on
the stage and make her scream. The goal is that
the reader can watch a story happening in his
mind. To do this writers learn to write
visually, involving more senses, so that the
reader gets involved as an observer of what is
taking place.
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Writers love words. And while some writers get
excited over a particular pen or a more powerful
word processing program, words remain the most
important tool the writer has to work with.
(Fletcher, What a writer needs, p. 32)
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Donald Murray has pointed out that, effective
writing starts with honest, specific, accurate
information. When students write from
experience, they can breathe those specifics into
their writing dialect, odd smells, precise
names of plants than can animate even the most
tired and tedious text. (Fletcher, What a
writer needs, p. 46)
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The writing becomes beautiful when it becomes
specific. (Fletcher, What a writer needs, p.
47)
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Excerpt from Calkins, The Art of Teaching
Writing Mini-lessons That Help Students Learn
the Qualities of Good Writing Read and
highlight points that Calkins makes about writing
to create a picture in the readers mind.
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LITERATURE MODELS
Owl Moon (Jane Yolen) My Momma Had A Dancing
Heart (Libba M. Gray) In November (Cynthia
Rylant) When I Was Young in the Mountains (C.
Rylant) The Relatives Came (Cynthia Rylant) When
Twilight Comes (Ralph Fletcher)
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Telling and Showing Examples Telling The first
memory I have is of picking cotton with my
mother. I would ride the cotton sack she pulled
behind her when she picked. Those were wonderful
times of togetherness for us. We were poor then,
but my mother would do all sorts of things that
helped me feel important and loved. Thomason,
T. (2002) Absolutely Write ! Teaching the Craft
Elements of Writing. Christopher- Gordon
Publishers, Norwood, MA.
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Showing From Rick Bragg, All Over But the
Shoutin, pp. 23-24
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Perfect Attendance From Rainbows, Head Lice
and Pea-Green Tile by Brad Bagert
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Helping Children Use Descriptive
Language Ask young children questions such
as Which sentence helps you better understand
I had a great dessert last night. OR I had
two scoops of Rocky Road ice cream in a waffle
cone with chocolate sprinkles on top. Which is
easier for you to picture inside your head My
mom is nice to me. OR My mom always tucks me
into bed, reads me two or three stories, kisses
me good-night, leaves a glass Of water on my
night table, and turns on my night
light. Which would help the reader really
appreciate what you are Trying to say I like
snow OR I like how snow gives Children a whole
new way to play outdoors and covers every- Thing
with a pretty white blanket. Explain the
difference in general and specific information.
v
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Writing Experiences in Showing not Telling
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Improving sentences Tells Sarah awoke to a
noise in her kitchen. She was terrified out of
her mind. Shows The sound of glass breaking in
Sarahs kitchen woke her up. She froze and
listened. She could hear the sound of footsteps
on the broken glass. Blood pounded in her head
as her mind raced through the possibilities of
what she could do about the intruder in her home.
Sweat washed over her body in waves.
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Improving Sentences On Your Own Tells Sarah
wondered if her old boyfriend would be at their
10-year class reunion. And then she saw him
standing there by the punchbowl. All her old
feelings for him came flooding over her. She
froze. Shows
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Tells The PTA president introduced Sarah to
give the welcome. She was so afraid of public
speaking and dreaded the 10-minute address she
would have to give. Shows
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Tells Sarah loved the ocean. The sound of
the waves made her feel at peace. Shows
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Think about your childhood pet or some other
animal you have known well in your life. Write
down several behavioral characteristics of that
pet like playful, mischievous, friendly, etc.
Now pick one of those characteristics and
describe your pet in such a way that the reader
will know your pet had that same characteristic,
but without using the name of that
characteristic. For example, if Fido was playful
tell a story or tell what Fido would typically do
in such a way that will help the reader know
Fido is playful, without ever mentioning that
word.
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Literature Model for Showing a childhood
pet Henry Huggins dog Ribsy was a plain
ordinary city dog, the kind of dog that strangers
usually called Mutt or Pooch. They always called
him this in a friendly way, because Ribsy was a
friendly dog. He followed Henry and his friends
to school. He kept the mailman company. He
wagged his tail at the milkman, who always
stopped to pet him. People like Ribsy, and Ribsy
liked people. Ribsy was what you might call a
well adjusted dog. Cleary, B. (1967) Ribsy, p.
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List a few character qualities you think people
should have. Then go back, and beside each
quality, write the name of someone who has that
quality. Then pick one quality and name and
write how you know that person exemplifies that
quality. For example, if you say John has
patience, tell(show) about a time when John
showed patience. This will probably be a short
narrative. Include dialogue if appropriate.
Dont use the name of the character quality in
your narrative. Paint the picture so that the
reader knows the quality of your character.
(Show dont tell)
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Use pictures to produce visual writing. Using
postcard scenes or pictures from magazines,
assume you are writing a story that happened in
one of the places pictured. Describe what you
want your reader to be able to see or know about
the picture or the story behind the picture.
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Think of an inanimate object such as in the book
Workshop by Andrew Clements. Describe that object
using both nouns and verbs in a way that will
bring it to life for the reader. Examples from
Workshop by Clements Hammer Hammer is a
hitter, a beater, a pounder, a nailer. Hammer
moves, whack by thump by thud. Hammer keeps
swinging. Pliers pinch and pull. Pliers grip
long, strong fingers. Pliers hold tight.
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Taking this to the Children Use a piece of
student writing to think about how you would help
that child show not tell. One day I went to
Adessas house. We walked to the park. We
played on the swings. We fed the ducks. We fed
some swans. We went to the wooden playground. We
went down the slide together. We went to lunch
before we went to the park. When we were done
playing we went home. (Avery, And With a Light
Touch, p. 132) What would be some questions the
reader might ask the writer to put more
significance into this piece ?
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Practice With Your Own Writing In a piece youve
been working on, find a part where you analyze or
tell a lot about a particular action or object.
See if you can cut out the telling part and show
what happens by using dialogue, descriptive
writing, or combination of both. Share changes
with the whole group
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Resources Avery, C. (2002). And with a light
touch, Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH. Calkins, L.
(1994). The art of teaching writing. Heinemann,
Portsmouth, NH. Clements, Andrew, (1999).
Workshop, Clarion Books, NY, NY. Fletcher, R.
(1993). What a writer needs. Heineman,
Portsmouth, NH. Harwayne, S. (2001). Writing
through childhood Rethinking process and
product, Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH.
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Thomason, T. (2002) Absolutely Write ! Teaching
the Craft Elements of Writing. Christopher-
Gordon Publishers, Norwood, MA. Thomason, T.
(1998) Writer to writer How to conference young
authors, Christopher-Gordon Publishers, Norwood,
MA.