Ch. 7

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Ch. 7 Gender and Intimate Relationships

• Robert Wonser

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Gender and Family

• The word family is very telling.
• Family derives from the Latin word famulus, which
  means household servant or slave.
• Historically, a mans familyhis wife, children
  and slavesalong with his material possessions,
  were defined by law as his property.
• Wife and childrens legal duty to serve him in
  exchange for his economic support of them.
• As well see, the defining characteristics of a
  family are not marriage licenses but rather
  emotional and financial ties.

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Sociology Constructs the Family

• Parsons was a structural-functionalist
• Isolated nuclear family composed of a husband,
  wife, and their dependent children
• Isolated because
• Family members live apart from other relatives
• Each family unit is financially independent of
  other relatives
• The family no longer performs many of its
  traditional functionseducation, care of the
  sick, production of food and clothingsince these
  have been taken over by public institutions.

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Parsonsion Family

• Contemporary family has two vital functions
• first, the primary socialization of children so
  that they can truly become members of the society
  in which they have been born second, the
  stabilization of the adult personalities of the
  population of the society.
• Accomplished by two roles
• Instrumental family role includes leadership and
  decision-making responsibilities.
• Filled by the familys economic provider (usually
  father)
• Expressive family role usually the mother, she
  does the housework, cares for the children, and
  sees to it that the emotional needs of family
  members are met.
• How did this come to be? Rooted in biology,
  remember? ? role differentiation was functional,
  it was institutionalized over time.
• Why study this (rooted in the 1950s after all)?
  Sociological writings on the family that followed
  bears its imprint and because we still hear these
  sentiments echoed in family values rhetoric
  today.

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Evaluating the Functionalist Perspective of the
Family

• Easy to do
• Is the nuclear family truly isolated from other
  kin?
• What about role differentiation?
• It erroneously separates public lifewhat
  functionalists see as the masculine world of
  work, government etcfrom the private, feminine
  world of the family. This idea, the
  public/private splitis simply false. In
  everyday lives, families do not experience these
  spheres as separate they are experienced
  interdependently.
• According to functionalists rigid role
  differentiation portrays instrumental and
  expressive activities as being mutually
  exclusive, and assumes their assignment on the
  basis of sex is natural. ?
• Gender and family arrangements are not
  biologically given, but rather culturally
  prescribed and socially learned.

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Contemporary Families Diversity and Change

• 2000 census of married couple households with
  children has reached an all-time low 23.5.
  1960? 45
• Two-earner families in which both partners are
  in the paid labor force now make up the majority
  of married couple households with children 31
  in 1976 to 51 by 1998.
• Single-parent families families with children
  but only one adult who has financial
  responsibility for the household.
• Has grown significantly faster than the of
  married households.
• Female headed grown 5x faster than married
  couples with children since 1960
• Also growing of non married heterosexual
  couples living together (nearly doubled between
  1990-2000). 1/3 have children.
• Domestic partnerships unmarried couples who
  live together.
• May also include nonfamily households ?
• chosen families which are composed of people
  unrelated by ancestry, marriage or adoption, but
  who are nonetheless considered members of the
  family.
• Blended families form when a couple with children
  divorces and one or both partners remarry someone
  who also has children, or the new couples have
  children of their own, or both.
• Census bureau expects the of blended families
  to surpass the of traditional nuclear families
  before 2010.

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Sexuality, Sexual Orientation, and Reproductive
Freedom

• Middle and high school students decreasing rates
  of vaginal intercourse, but growing numbers of
  oral sex.
• By 1998 age at first intercourse for boys and
  girls 15
• Girls compared to boys more guilt and less
  pleasure after first intercourse. Young women
  less likely to find sexual intercourse satisfying
  and to express disappointment.
• 51 of men primary motivations for first
  intercourse were status-seeking, curiosity, and
  feeling ready (24 of young women agreed).
• 48 of young women primary motivations were
  affection for their partner and attaining
  approval (25 of young men agreed).
• The sexual double standard refers to the
  tradition in our society, and many others, of
  permitting young men to engage in sexual
  activityor at least ignoring, overlooking, or
  forgiving their sexual escapadeswhile
  simultaneously condemning or punishing the same
  behavior in girls. Is it a thing of the past?
• Pimps vs sluts.

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Sexualities

• Bias in research. Explain homosexuality because
  it is the deviant (against the norm) sexuality.
  How odd to have said, how does one become
  heterosexual?
• Dichotomous sexuality? Nope.
• Bisexuality being sexually and affectionately
  attracted to both women and men. Often
  overlooked by researchers.
• Recent research shows that bisexuality is a
  sexual orientation distinct from either
  heterosexuality or homosexuality (i.e.
  monosexuality).
• Studies indicate that bisexuality may be more
  common than exclusively same-sex behavior
  (Rothblum, 2000 Rust, 2000).

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Sexualities and Marriage

• Impossible to know how many homosexuals and
  bisexuals live in the U.S.
• Some have engaged in various behaviors, change
  their behavior over the course of their lives,
  and the social stigma.
• Most likely to be prejudiced against homosexuals
• Older Americans, less-educated and those who live
  in rural areas.
• Same-sex marriage is legal in six states
  Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, Maine
  (?), and beginning on 1/1/2010 New Hampshire.
  Here is California, they were legal from June 16
  Nov. 4, 2008
• At the time the book was printed (2005ish)
  Vermont had civil unions!
• 1996 Defense of Marriage Act allows states to
  refuse to recognize same-sex marriages from
  elsewhere.

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Teen Pregnancy and Childbearing

• Rate of teenage pregnancy has declined since 1961
  from 89.1/1000 girls aged 15-19 to 51.1/1000.
• U.S. is among the highest among Western
  democracies though.
• African American 85.4/1000, 93.6/1000 for
  Hispanic girls, and 45.5/1000 for Whites.
• Decline in teen pregnancies teens are having
  less sexual intercourse than in the past. And
  when they do they are more likely to use
  contraception.
• Comprehensive sex education in schools also
  contributes.
• Abstinence only programs do little to delay sex
  for teens.
• Higher rates for African Americans and Hispanics
  linked with the higher rates of poverty and
  lower levels of academic success among these
  populations.
• Least likely to get pregnant?
• 1) live in financially stable or affluent
  families 2) academically successful, 3) have
  high aspirations with opportunities available to
  fulfill those aspirations.

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Reproductive Freedom

• Reproductive freedom refers to an individuals
  ability to freely choose whether or not to have a
  child.
• Contraception and abortion have been practiced
  for thousands of years.
• illegal in the U.S. in 1850. Why?
• Takeover of professionally trained physicians
  from midwives. Or,
• Racist legislators to get White women to
  reproduce so they wouldnt be outnumbered by
  foreigner immigrants and African Americans.
• Contraceptive use the in the U.S. was illegal
  until about thirty years ago!
• 1973 Roe v. Wade right to an abortion

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Abortion

• Restrictions on abortion, increased use of
  contraception, slight decrease in women of
  childbearing age have contributed to a decline in
  the number of abortions performed in the U.S.
• another reason for the decline in abortion
  providers growing unwillingness of physicians
  to subject themselves to the threats and
  harassment of anti-abortion activists.
• Public opinion polls most Americans personally
  dislike abortion and feel it should be
  discouraged.
• Majority also feels, regardless of ones personal
  views, the decision to have an abortion should be
  left up to the pregnant woman and her doctor.

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Varieties of Intimate Relationships

• Heterosexual marriages
• We tend to hold romantic visions of marriage. In
  reality, it is contractual agreement.
  Historically a marriage contract specified the
  exchange relationship. Men were to economically
  provide for the woman and the women were to
  provide housework and sex.
• The law granted men all the decision making
  power.
• Even today, marriage relations are fundamentally
  power relationsusually the power of husbands
  over wives.
• 1960 study showed husbands to be more powerful
  than wives because they made the most family
  decisions even though they usually talked matters
  over with their wives.
• The greater the wifes resources, the greater her
  power in the relationship.
• Studies have been replicated show similar thing
  who makes more money tends to have more power.
• Prevailing logic if it is the mans role to be
  the family provider, then he should have the
  final say in most matters.

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Heterosexual Marriages

• Significant intervening variable in determining
  couples relative power in a marriage is the
  meaning couples give to womens paid work and
  unpaid household labor.
• More to marital power than simply decision
  making
• Not all decisions carry equal weight.
• Power to delegate responsibility
• some social practices are ingrained and
  taken-for-granted that they are automatic (e.g.
  wives are more likely to worry bout offending or
  upsetting their spouse, accommodate their
  spouses needs, and to adjust their schedule to
  their spouses.)

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Gender and Housework

• Wives spend more time on housework chores than
  men do.
• Although women have reduced and men have
  increased time spent on housework, women still do
  at least twice what men do.
• second shift
• Why is the sentence, I dont work Im a
  housewife. so telling?
• Our society tends to value people based on how
  much they make
• Homemakers spend as much time today as did
  homemakers in the 1790s on household chores.
  Why? Didnt modern conveniences make it easier
  to do housework? ? as our standards of living
  have risen, so have the amount of stuff we have
  and what we have to keep clean. Averages houses
  are significantly larger.
• Wives chores tend to be daily and repetitive.
  Mens less often and non-repetitive.
• Men have more leisure time to do chores. Women
  work the second shift.

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Caregiving

• Even egalitarian couples equal division of labor
  breaks down when they have kids.
• The addition of a child to a household increases
  stress and lowers marital satisfaction.
• Men less involved with primary child care (e.g.
  bathing, clothing, feeding) when children are
  infants.
• More involved when children are around 18 months
  walking and talking.
• Greatest involvement middle childhood (5-15 yrs)
• Fathers spend more time with sons, both in the
  household and on outings than they do with
  daughters.
• Women also do more mental work worrying, seeking
  advice and information involved in child-rearing.
  
• Men expected to invest time and energy in jobs,
  women in their families.
• ? - women develop close bonds their children and
  are kinkeepers
• ? - women lack autonomy

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Single-Parent Families

• On the rise 13 in 1970 to 28 in 1999.
• Most common way men and women become single
  parents divorce.
• 50 of couples divorce within 7.2 years.
• Used to be men got custody because they were the
  breadwinners and the kids were his property.
  Turn of 20th century tender years presumption
  that young children need to be with their mother
  ? produced dramatic shift in custody decisions.
• Joint legal custody parents have equal decision
  making authority in rearing their children.
• Joint physical custody children reside on
  specified days and both parents have equal
  responsibility for the childrens care and
  financial support.
• Research indicates these only work when parents
  maintain high level of cooperation with one
  another and avoid involving children in further
  conflicts.
• Men receive more support from friends, relatives
  and neighbors than do single mothers.
• Economically suffer women more than men after a
  divorce
• Emotionally and psychologically? Men suffer more
  than women.

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Single Mothers and Poverty

• Reasons why women experience greater economic
  disadvantage after a divorce
• Generally receive lower wages than men.
• Changes in welfare from income support program to
  self-sufficiency program.
• Limited child support payments (52 of divorced
  fathers pay child support)
• Result feminization of poverty increasing
  percentage of the total poverty population
  composed of women and their children.
• New poor people, many of whom are women, who
  were not born into poverty but who have been
  forced into it by recent events in their life.
• Event driven poverty poverty experienced by
  divorced women
• What about women of color and divorce?
• reshuffled poverty? Poor families dissolve and
  the women and children form new, but still poor
  families.

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Delay and postponing Marriage

• Singles delay and postpone marriage for several
  reasons including
• More positive social attitudes towards being
  single
• Greater reluctance to marry given high divorce
  rates and growing awareness of domestic violence
• More widespread use of contraceptives (which
  means fewer marriages because of unwanted
  pregnancies).
• Today both women and men who are employed and
  financially secure are seen as more attractive
  marriage partners because f the resources they
  can bring to the household.

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Singles and Domestic Partnerships

• Heterosexual singles and domestic partners
• Most single heterosexuals temporary status. Vast
  majority marry but are delaying it longer than in
  the past.
• 1970 median age at first marriage for men 22,
  women 20. 2000 men 27, women 25.

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Domestic Partnerships

• 1999 4.5 million unmarried heterosexual couples
  living together in the U.S.
• Up more than 3 million since 1980
• More than 4 million in 1970.
• Actual number just over 9 of all couples
• 18.4 of domestic partners are under 25.
• Most (56.9) are between 25-44.

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Domestic Partnership Trends

• 1) most domestic partnerships are relatively
  short, with half ending in year or less.
• Most either break up or marry very few
  cohabitate permanently.
• 2) most heterosexual domestic partners (66.5)
  are childless or do not have children under the
  age of 15.
• When they want to have kids they usually marry
  first
• A pregnancy does increase the likelihood of a
  marriage.

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• Increase in Domestic Partnerships due to
• Economic constraints.
• Growing social acceptance of cohabitation and
  modified goals of young adults.
• Choose domestic partnership over marriage? Those
  whose parents were divorced.

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Gay and Lesbian Singles and Domestic Partnerships

• Little research has been done due to homophobia
  and heteronormativity.
• Therefore no accurate counts either.
• There is no uniform homosexual lifestyle.
• Myth gays and lesbians are sexually promiscuous.
  In reality, studies show that like most
  heterosexual women and men, most lesbians and
  gays establish enduring intimate relationships.
• Gays and lesbians report levels of relationship
  satisfaction that are as high as heterosexuals.
• Research also shows that sexual orientation has
  no effect on relationship quality.
• Also no distinct homosexual value orientation
  toward love relationships, rather what is
  important is the persons sex and background.
• In gay, but more so lesbian relationships,
  equality between partners is highly valued.

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• Research does indicate that gay men are less
  supportive of monogamy in their intimate
  relationships than are either lesbian or
  heterosexual couples and gay men do have on
  average more partners than straight men.
• More myths gay men try to seduce young boys.
  Data shows child molesters are 90 heterosexual
  men.
• Research consistently shows that children raised
  by gay and lesbian parents are emotionally
  healthy and well-adjusted.
• No different in terms of cognitive development
  and psychological well-being.
• They are however less gender-typed in their
  behavior.
• Although the vast majority identify as
  heterosexual, children of gay and lesbian parents
  appear to be more accepting of diversity and open
  to homosexuality.
• More relaxed and experimental than children who
  grow up in other households, but are not at
  greater risk of experiencing confusion about
  their own sexual orientation.
• Bottom line it is love that makes a family.

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Violence in Families and Intimate Relationships

• According to the U.S. Dept of Justice Bureau of
  Justice Statistics about 450,000 incidents of
  family violence each year.
• About 57 of those involve married couples or
  ex-spouses.
• One national study about half of women assaulted
  by an intimate partner reported it to the police.
• Mutual abuse an exchange of physical blows and
  psychological or verbal sparring between
  partners.
• Motivations for violence differ
• Men when they perceive themselves losing control
  of the relationship or when they interpret their
  partners words or behaviors as challenges to
  their authority.
• Women self-defense, when they believe they are
  in imminent danger of being attacked, or to fight
  back when being attacked.
• Male perpetrators are significantly more likely
  than female perpetrators to inflict physical
  injury on their partners. Men are also more
  likely to kill? ? of female homicide victims are
  killed by husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends
  whereas as for men it is 3.

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Partner Abuse in Heterosexual Relationships

• Why?
• Run the gamut evolutionary, hormonal,
  neurological and mental disorders.
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Working-class and poor couples or among non-white
  couples are particularly more susceptible (see
  below) even though it cuts across class and
  racial lines.
• Low income and poverty seem to place women at a
  higher risk of violent victimization as well as
  keep women trapped in these relationships.
• Partner abuse takes place in the content of a
  violent society.
• What about the legal system for not treating
  domestic violence as a serious problem?

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Partner Abuse in Gay and Lesbian Relationships

• Less is known.
• Probably about the same as in heterosexual
  couples
• It does occur, and like heterosexual couples, it
  is not a one-time situational event.
• Once it occurs it is likely to reoccur and to
  grow more severe over time.

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Child Abuse

• Rather than strangers, children are more likely
  to be harmed by someone they know, especially a
  family member.
• Like other crimes weve talked about
  underreported.
• Nearly 1 million children each year are abused
  and neglected.
• 53 victims of neglect, 23 physically abused,
  12 sexually abused.
• Girls are slightly more likely to be abused (52
  of all abuses). But varies by type
• Boys physically abused and neglected.
• Girls emotionally abused and 3x more likely to
  be sexually abused. Again, usually by someone the
  victim knows.
• Painful aftereffects into adulthood.

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Elder Abuse

• Also difficult to get accurate numbers.
• Elder abuse refers to the physical, sexual,
  psychological, or financial maltreatment,
  neglect, or exploitation of a senior citizen by
  an adult caretaker.
• Research shows the typical abuser is a family
  member.

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The Ideal and the Real Revisited

• The Family the isolated nuclear family of
  husband/breadwinner, wife/homemaker, and the
  dependent childrenis not an accurate description
  of the majority of families in the U.S. today.
• Creates another false idea any other family type
  is inherently deviant or abnormal.
• Also called into question the family as a
  retreat from the harsh public world.