Life Skills/ Parenting skills for children

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Life Skills/ Parenting skills for children

• Presented By Ncazelo Ncube-Mlilo

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The rise of child parenti-fication is
probably one of the most difficult impacts of HIV
and AIDS that can be seen today on childrens
lives. Children are forced by circumstances
beyond their understanding and choice to step
into parenting roles when they still need to be
parented themselves.
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Those of us who are parents and or caregivers
will attest to the fact that the experience of
parenting is paradoxical in that it is sometimes
a beautiful experience and yet there are times
when you just want to run from it all. If
parenting is difficult for adults, it is hard to
comprehend what it means for a 12 year old to be
faced with the reality and responsibility to care
for siblings aged six years and three years
usually with little support and supervision.
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The starting point in the provision of life
skills for children is dealing with myths and
beliefs and misconceptions about children that
further complicate their capacity to assume
parenting roles and responsibilities. Families
and communities may hold some of the following
perceptions and attitudes about children that are
disempowering.
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Children - Are lazy and dependent- Are
passive- Do not have the capacity to understand
complex issues such as death, sexuality, property
rights etc.- Are protected if the truth is kept
away from them- Do not have skills and
competencies to help them cope with the
challenges that they face in life.- Should be
seen and not heard i.e. they do not have a
meaningful point of view.
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Contrary to these ideas however we know that
children- Have adaptive skills- Are creative
and resourceful- Easily form relationships that
go beyond racial, language, economic, and
religious barriers- Are honest and truthful-
Are very curious and will take risks (test the
limits)- Learn quickly and like to imitate- Are
forgiving- Are good observers and quite
analytic- Are Energetic
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When developing effective life skills programs or
interventions for children it is important to
listen to their voices and concerns. It is
difficult however to listen effectively to
children if one is not convinced about that they
have something important to say and that they
have the capacity and potential to work through
the challenges that they face.I have had the
privilege of learning from children with
parenting roles and responsibilities about the
joys, problems, challenges and burdens that they
face in assuming parenting responsibilities at
very young ages.
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Some of the voices of children heading
households bring out the following questions,
dilemmas, and concerns related to their
experiences.
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What can I give to my siblings when I have
nothing to give? - What can I do if my siblings
want more that I can afford to give them?-How
can I make a balance between what I want for my
personal life and what is good to do for my
siblings and family?-How can I protect our
household from intruders?-How can we access the
money that our parents left for us?- How do I
stop my brother from abusing drugs and
alcohol?- How can I teach my family good
behaviors like being respectful at all times?
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Should I encourage my siblings to talk about
our parents who have been dead for several years
now?What can one do if a baby that is under
ones care does not start crawling when he or she
is expected to?- What would happen if a three
month old baby is left unattended?- Is it
necessary to take a sick baby to the clinic?-
Why is it important for children to have
injections done every month?-How can I cope
with a child (sibling) who is in the adolescence
stage?-Where can I get support?- What advice
can I give to my brother who wants to attend
initiation school at the mountains?
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Such enquiries/questions show perhaps the
difficulties of parenting and the confusion and
anxiety that children with parenting roles are
faced with. However they also give valuable
information and direction with regards to the
primary concerns of child headed households that
need to be addressed through life skills programs
and interventions.
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Clearly children heading households have concerns
and worries about several aspects of parenting
and family life. This means that life skills
programs need to be holistic in their nature
embracing all dimensions of parenting
responsibilities and family life. Holistic
life skills interventions should encompass daily
living skills, self help skills, psychosocial
life skills and income generating skills.

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Explaining the categories of different life
skills

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Self Help skills- personal hygiene- taking
care of ones health e.g. eating well, getting
enough sleep etc- keeping kempt- personal
grooming e.g. table manners- mending of
garments- doing laundry and ironing- self
regulation

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Daily living skills include- household
management- meal planning- budgeting-
preparations of wholesome meals- hygiene- basic
first aid and administering medication- child
care- linking up with support systems e.g.
police, social services etc- self care- Time
management

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Psychosocial skills-Decision making- conflict
resolution- problem solving- goal setting-
Trust and interdependence-prioritization-intrape
rsonal skills (developing and maintaining
relationships with others)-interpersonal skills
e.g. ability to cope with stress, self talk,
motivating oneself- ability to delay
satisfaction etc- Analytical skills

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Income generating projects The focus of this
category is largely on economic strengthening for
children. Successful IGAs for children and young
people have been found to do the following-
Allowing children to decide on the projects to
take up and the desired vision and outcome of the
project.- Children decide on the processes
necessary to be undertaken for the project to be
a success.

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Income generating projects continued - Creating
and guiding an experience that will enable
children to be involved not just mentally and
physically but also spiritually, socially and
emotionally i.e. the project draws in the whole
child. -The experience of doing the projects
needs to lead to personal growth and development.
Children should reach new realizations and
positive conclusions about themselves as a result
of the project.

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• Income generating projects continued
• Providing opportunities for debrief and
  reflections in the process so that strategies and
  necessary changes can be made during the course
  of the project.
• - A good leader and facilitator who believes
  in the capacities and competencies of children to
  deliver the project.
• - Children get fully involved in the processes
  of monitoring and evaluating the project
• - A good leader provides guidance and support
  but is able to stay decentred at all times.

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• Important factors to consider when
  developing life skills/parenting programs for
  children heading households.

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• When working with children heading
  households there is often a strong drive or
  temptation to teach and educate them so that they
  learn or develop the necessary the skills.
• However there is a need to question the
  effectiveness of strategies and interventions
  that do not CENTER the children concerned.

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• Centering the children means
• Taking time to understand from the children what
  their personal realities are with regards to
  their families and responsibilities.
• Exploring with them their personal hopes,
  aspirations, goals and dreams for their own lives
  and the children under their care.
• Identifying the skills and competencies that they
  possess that can be a useful resource for them in
  their caring role.
• Supporting them in identifying mentors and the
  support structures that are available to them.

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• Supporting the children to trace their roots,
  origins, ancestry, relations and families.
• Joining with the children to celebrate and find
  ways to hold on to precious memories and the
  good things that they have experienced in their
  lives. This includes the gifts that they have
  been given by others (including
  parents/caregivers, siblings etc who may have
  died) that go beyond material gifts e.g. gifts of
  unconditional love, support, concern over ones
  life, kindness, education etc.
• Identifying acts of care and kindness that they
  have carried out in the past. These provide a
  foundation for the children to have a sense that
  they have the capacity to care for others (as
  they have done so in the past).

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• Helping the children to access the precious
  values, beliefs, lessons, messages and words of
  encouragement that their parents and care givers
  would like them to hold on to as they step into
  the challenging role of parenting.

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• It is important that children heading
  households become fully present in taking up the
  challenging role of parenting their siblings.
• Their physical presence and knowledge about
  child care and accompanying responsibilities
  without the intrinsic sense of I can, I want to,
  I will, I am hopeful, I have, I understand etc it
  would be impossible for children and adults to
  carry out the parenting role effectively.

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• There is a need to demonstrate the reality
  that child headed household can function with the
  support of caring adults.
• The ways and actions that the adult community
  can take to support CHH to develop the necessary
  skills need to be communicated to a wider
  audience. This could reduce the felt need to
  separate young children from their siblings in
  order to provide care in other families.
• Looking at the different categories of life
  skills required by children heading households it
  is clear that the whole community can get
  involved in supporting children to assume
  parenting roles.

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• CHH experience challenges however they provide
  children with the important option of
  remaining/staying together in their communities
  where they can experience the following
• - the value of family
• A sense of belonging and identity
• Learn to forgive, patience, tolerance
• Adapting to change
• hope, joy, giving, respect
• Accountability, honesty
• Caring for others

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• The above however can only be possible if we
  provide the necessary support and ensure that
  life skills programs give all the required skills
  necessary for children to carry out the role of
  parenting.

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• Thank you