INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS (Theories of Attraction

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INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS(Theories of Attraction
Mate Selection)

• Unit 3 Chapter 7
• (Continued)

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Courtship

• In societies that permit free-choice mate
  selection, courtship allows individuals to win
  the affection of those to whom they are attracted
• In courtship rituals in all societies, men
  display their resources to show they have the
  potential to be good providers and women display
  the qualities that make them sexually desirable
  and nurturing

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Courtship

• In Canada, courtship is a term from the past that
  no longer applies to relationships in the 21st
  century
• Courtship rituals in North America have evolved
  over the last two centuries and have varied
  according to social class

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Courtship

• In early Canada, young, middle-class women might
  invite men to call on them when they were at
  home
• A young man would leave his calling card if the
  young woman was not seeing visitors, in the hope
  that he would be invited back
• Families would make discreet inquiries about the
  social and economic suitability of the callers

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Courtship

• A young woman, with her mother as chaperone,
  might receive several visitors who would
  understand that they were expected to compete for
  her affection
• Later, as a sign that she had
  made her choice, the
  young
  woman might be left alone
  with one man

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Courtship

• The young couple would be tucked into bed with a
  bundling board between them so that they could
  have private conversations without sexual contact
• However, it was reported that
  during the 1700s, about one third
  of brides were
  pregnant on their
  wedding day

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20th Century Courtship

• In Canada, during the 20th century, courtship
  evolved into the informal social invention of
  dating
• Early in the century, young people met at church
  or community events and went out together to
  socials in groups
• By the 1920s, men began to take
  the initiative by asking
  women out
  and by organizing and paying
  for the activity

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20th Century Courtship

• Since women could accept or reject the
  invitations, the choice of activity and the
  amount of money spent indicated to them the
  social and economic resources the men had to
  offer
• In the 1930s, going steady
  meant a couple had an exclusive
  relationship but were not
  necessarily discussing marriage

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20th Century Courtship

• As a result of the consumer society and the
  growing affluence of young people in the 1950s
  and 1960s, couples were able to spend money on
  entertaining recreational activities and dating
  became an opportunity to spend time together for
  pleasure and romance
• Teenagers began dating
  earlier and it became a
  common recreation during
  later
  adolescences

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20th Century Courtship

• By the 1950s the Western ideal was that dating
  would lead to falling love and becoming a couple
• There was less awareness that it was a process of
  choosing a suitable marriage partner

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21st Century Courtship

• Many young couples no longer date in the
  formalized way of their parents generation
• The use of expressions such as hooking up or
  seeing someone to describe a relationship
  suggests a more casual approach to forming a
  couple relationship
• Some couples consider cohabitation to be part of
  the mate-selection process, while others
  feel that cohabitation is an alternative to
  marriage

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21st Century Courtship

• There appears to have been a shift from competing
  to win someones affection to being selective
  about what the other has to offer for the type of
  relationship desired
• Many individuals who are ready to marry find that
  their field of eligible partners that have not
  already been rejected may be quite limited

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21st Century Courtship

• It is becoming more common for individuals to
  initiate some kind of arrangement and enlist the
  help of others to find potential partners for
  them
• Ex. Matchmakers online dating

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21st Century Courtship
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21st Century Courtship
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21st Century Courtship
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Speed Dating

• Write down 10 questions you would ask someone on
  the first date.
• You will have about 5 minutes for each date
• When the lights dim, rate how compatible you
  think you are with your date.
• 1not compatible, 10very compatible
• Move onto your next date

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• The preference for free-choice marriage in North
  America suggests that dating experience leads to
  greater marital success
• Bernard Mursteins Market Experience Perspective
  suggested that dating was effective because it
  enabled individuals to learn to relate to another
  person and to judge character so that they would
  be able to determine personal qualities they
  desired in a marriage partner

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• Bernard Murstein explained the relationships
  among dating, social homogamy
  and social exchange as a multistep
  process
• He used the analogy of sifting to suggest that
  individuals pass their dates through a series of
  filters to screen out unacceptable marriage
  partners and to select those who are similar to
  themselves

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• As the relationship becomes more serious and the
  individuals get to know each other, the filters
  become finer until only one person passes through
  it for readiness to marry

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Mursteins Filter Theory
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Mate Selection Marital Success

• Martin King Whyte tested the hypothesis that
  dating experiences lead to successful marriages
  by conducting extensive interviews
  about dating with couples in
  Detroit
• The results of his study found no correlation
  between dating experience, length of dating,
  engagement, degree of premarital sexual activity
  and marital success

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• Whyte argues against Mursteins Market Experience
  Perspective by explaining that mate selection is
  not like buying a car, since you cannot test
  drive various partners at the same time
• If you decide on one you tried before, they might
  have moved on to someone else and not be available

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• In free-choice mate selection as it is practiced
  through dating, you have to decide yes or no
  to one person at a time
• The fact that marriages are slightly less
  successful with more dating experience could also
  suggest that it increases an individuals
  expectations and makes it more difficult for the
  person to make a choice or to feel satisfied in a
  relationship

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Mate Selection Marital Success

• Dating is not an indicator of marital success,
  but love is
• The 2nd conclusion of Whytes Detroit study is
  that being in love when you marry is the best
  indicator of marital success

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Stages of Marriage

• Although early marriages usually live up to
  peoples expectations at first, many couples
  become disappointed because marriage gets more
  difficult during the first 5 years
• There are 3 predictable stages of a marriage

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Stages of Marriage

1. Relationships are romantic, warm and respectful,
   focusing on exploration, sexual attraction and
   the idealization of the partner. Individuals
   build self-esteem as they try to develop the
   relationship that suits their life structure.
2. Conflict arises as individuals become more
   demanding to meet their own needs. This results
   in instability in the relationship and requires
   both partners to change their behaviours.
   Individuals feel let down because the
   relationship is less rewarding.

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Stages of Marriage

• The key to surviving Stage 2 is to recognize that
  being honest about ones own needs develops
  intimacy within the relationship and enables the
  partners to develop reciprocal roles to meet the
  needs of each other and of the relationship
• Discussing with ones partner how to solve
  problems reflects mutual interdependence and a
  commitment to the relationship

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Stages of Marriage

• Couples compromise and negotiate a relationship
  that meets their needs as well as possible. The
  relationship becomes more realistic, mature and
  stable.
• Relationships were much improved if they were
  able to achieve Stage 3

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Stages of Marriage

• At each stage, individuals are transformed as
  they respond to their partner and adjust to the
  more flexible roles they play in the maturing
  relationship
• Commitment to the relationship, essential for
  adjusting the relationship, is less evident in
  cohabitation

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Arranged Marriages

• In the past and in many societies today, the
  selection of a mate or life partner, was
  considered too important to be left to young and
  inexperienced individuals
• In collectivist societies, marriage is seen as an
  alliance between families because the children of
  that union are the grand children of both families

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Arranged Marriages

• When families place a higher value on family and
  culture than on individual need in collectivist
  societies, and expect close family interaction,
  the choice of a spouse who will fit into the
  family is important
• Some societies that believe divorce is harmful to
  children, parents and the extended family prefer
  arranged marriages, since they remove the
  complications of romantic love, sexual attraction
  and recreational dating from mate selection

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Arranged Marriages

• Some religions teach that parents have a sacred
  duty to ensure that their sons and daughters have
  a good marriage
• Since most parents wish their sons and daughters
  to have happy and lasting marriages and to pass
  on their cultural heritage
  to their children, social homogamy
  is the basis of
  mate selection in arranged marriages

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Arranged Marriages

• In cultures where arranged marriage is the
  custom, parents are expected to ensure that their
  sons and daughters approve of the partner who has
  been selected for them
• Arranged marriage should not be confused with
  forced marriage, where young men and women or
  children are forced into marriage against their
  will, it is customary now for the individuals to
  have an opportunity to get to know each other
  before the marriage takes place

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Arranged Marriages

• Perhaps arranged marriages are more durable
  because the parents made wiser choices of
  partners
• On the other hand, individuals might make a
  stronger commitment to marriage when it is a
  formal arrangement between families and in the
  community

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Arranged Marriages

• Although it is not clear why the divorce rate is
  lower in arranged marriages, couples who have
  similar backgrounds are more likely to manage
  their shared resources efficiently and with less
  conflict, and to raise children more easily
  according to their cultural expectations
• The expectation that love will develop
  after marriage seems to be the reality
  for couples in
  arranged marriages

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Intermarriage

• Intermarriage or heterogamy means marriage
  between partners who are from
  different social, racial, religious,
  ethnic or cultural backgrounds
• Opposite of homogamy
• Intermarriage is more common in Canadas urban
  communities
• There are no restrictions on intermarriage in
  Canada

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Intermarriage/Heterogamy

• The more successful a society becomes at raising
  children to be colour blind and in an
  environment where diversity and multiculturalism
  are the norm, the more likely it is that young
  people will meet, be attracted to and fall in
  love with someone from a different background
• The differences, if there are any, between
  individuals of different races, religions, or
  ethnic backgrounds exist in their personal family
  lives

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Interracial Couples

• Interracial marriages are the most
  visible form of intermarriage
• Canadian couples in interracial unions are more
  likely to be cohabiting rather than married
• Interracial couples adjust to marriage as well as
  any couple does
• The major challenge of interracial marriage is
  raising a biracial child, because it requires
  that the couple must first reflect on the role
  that race plays in determining their own
  identities

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Interfaith Couples

• Faith, unlike race, is a chosen attribute, as it
  is possible to convert to another faith
• Partners in interfaith relationships may have a
  similar economic and educational background, but
  their family and cultural experiences might have
  been quite different

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Interfaith Couples

• Couples who respect each other and are willing to
  compromise can find ways to share their lives
• However, individuals from different faith
  backgrounds have to choose whether to compromise
  some of their beliefs and customs or to accept
  their spouses beliefs and customs as well as
  their own

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Interfaith Couples

• The couple must also decide what faith identity
  to provide for their children
• Interfaith marriages are more likely to succeed
  if at least one partner does not practice their
  religion or is willing to convert

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Interethnic Couples

• Marriage between individuals of different ethnic
  backgrounds is perhaps the most complex form of
  heterogamy
• Ethnicity can be a complex mixture of national
  and racial heritage, religion and culture
• In Canada, where many people are hyphenated
  Canadians or have 2 cultures, self-identification
  as a member of an ethnic group suggests that an
  individual adheres to the specific value system,
  family structure and role expectations that are
  associated with that ethnic group

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Interethnic Couples

• The major variations among ethnic groups involve
  gender roles within marriage and in the
  workplace, the independence and responsibilities
  of children and the relationship between the
  conjugal and extended family
• Each of these affects how a couple will negotiate
  their relationship at each stage

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1. Divide up into 5 groups.
2. Choose an article.
3. Read the article with your group.
4. In your groups come up with a question that will
   generate discussion.
5. Be prepared to share your article with the rest
   of the class.

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Unit 3 Test Material Covered

1. Chapter 6 Board Notes
2. The Origins of Marriage photocopied package
3. Marriages, Intimate Relationships Society (Unit
   3 Chapter 6) Power Point
4. Intimate Relationships (Theories of Attraction
   Mate Selection) Unit 3 - Chapter 7 Power Point
5. Intimate Relationships (Theories of Attraction
   Mate Selection) Unit 3 - Chapter 7 (Continued)
   Power Point

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Unit 3 Test Format

• Section A
• 10 Multiple Choice
• Section B
• 5 Short Answer Questions