Reconnecting With Your Children

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Reconnecting With Your Children
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Help for Combat Veterans
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Issues Your Children Face

• Children thrive on routines
• Change in routines from Pre- deployment,Deployment
  ,Reintegration
• Developmental Issues/change
• Environmental

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Where Do Combat Veterans Start?
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Where do Combat Veterans Start?

• Look at Ages and Stages of your children
• Familiarize yourself with your childs
  development right now
• ENGAGE with appropriate actions and activities
• Understand the rocess of the Re-integration
  cycle
• Self Knowledge
• Utilize your skills of observation with your
  child
• Understand where your partner has been
• Work on communication
• Know red flags and ask for help if you need it

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AGES AND STAGES
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DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS

• Every Child has a Job developmentallyWe all
  do!
• What is your childs stage and what is the main
  question to be addressed
• Being,-0-6 months,Doing 6-18 months,
  Thinking-18months-3 years,Identity and Power- 3-6
  years,6-12 Years -Structure,13-18 years,-Identity
  Sexuality and Separation

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Main Concepts

• Understand Your Childs Stage
• Temperament/Personality come into play
• Look at Typical Behaviors and then familiarize
  yourself with them and how to deal with them
• What are affirmations, and how do we use them?

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Parenting and reintegration

• No such thing as a perfect parent
• Use this as a time for you to look at how you
  have parented in the past(pre-deployment), how
  you were parented, and keep what works and
  delete or throw out what does not work anymore

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RE-INTEGRATION/GRIEF

• All family members experience loss,everyone
  grieves differently
• Reintegration-no square one
• Restore hope,feed it
• Stages of grief
• Denial, shock,anger,bargaining, acceptance
• Understanding Anger

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COMMUNICATION

• I Statements
• Instead of You Judgments
• I feel
• When
• Because..

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ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS

• Make it Developmentally Appropriate
• A feeling is a feeling no wrong or right
• How to do it

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Acknowledging Feelings

• For Babies
• Lots of touch!
• For Toddlers
• A feelings Vocabulary
• For Preschoolers
• Name the feelings
• For School Age
• Ask about feeling
• For Teenage
• Im here for you

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Ideas On Reconnecting

• Take it easy,let your child lead
• One on one time
• Look at your childs artwork schoolwork,pictures
• Show an interest in the every day events of your
  childs life
• Find out what new interests your child has
  developed while youve been gone
• Praise your child specifically for the things
  they have done to help out, but other things they
  have accomplished

• Some children might like a bravery medal or
  tangible award
• Discuss your feelings about returning and
  encourage them to do the same
• Listen actively and sensitively
• Ease back into family routines
• Discipline with care and love
• Join a local ECFE or parenting group
• Seek help if needed

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PARTNER/ SPOUSE CONNECTION

• Spouse has been in charge, had to hold it
  together
• Some want to relinquish control others do not
• Importance of communication
• Should we spend time alone or not?
• Everyone handles this differently

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Stress Busters

• Watch Your child, know what stress looks like
• Listen,acknowledge feelings
• Show confidence
• Dont overprotect
• Reevaluate your expectations
• Set a good example
• Rethink your childs schedule?
• ROUTINES
• Check your childs health, diet
• Spend relaxed time with your child

• Stop nagging, blaming, criticizing and
  threatening
• Look at your own work load
• Engage the help of teachers and counselors
• Allow your child real choices when appropriate
• Help your child feel in control
• Allow for some down time in your childs day
• Show your child that adults can be trusted
• Avoid comparisons, love uniquely
• Allow for transitions
• Seek help when necessary

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Common Reactions

• Infants(Birth-12 months)-may respond with
  decrease in appetite, weight loss
  irritability/and or apathy
• Toddlers1-3 may become sullen, tearful, throw
  temper tantrums or develop sleep problems
• Preschoolers-are more aware of the absence of a
  parent -regression may occur toilet,
  learning,sleep separation fears. They may
  personalize situations
• School Age 6-12 Irritability,aggression,whininess,
  testing limits.
• Teenagers-13-18 rebellious,irritable or
  challenging authority. Be aware of high risk
  behaviors

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Red Flags

• Infant and Toddlers
• Eating and sleeping difficulties
• Hard to soothe
• Flat/sad affect
• Aggressive,whining anger more than other children
  the same age not related(not related to language
  burst)
• Attachment issues
• Anxiety or change in behavior
• Episodes of panic or fear may not be or may be
  specific or cause may not be clear
• Change in muscle tone flat or stiff

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RED FLAGS

• Preschool/School Age
• Flat affect
• Change in behavior /sleep ,personality issues
• Physical complaints
• Nightmares concern about safety
• School avoidance
• Regression
• Excessive anxiety and fearfulness
• Loss of interest in activities
• Inability to concentrate at school

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Red Flags

• Pre-Adolescents and Adolescents(12-18)
• Self consciousness
• Rebellion at home and school
• Abrupt shift in relationships
• Depression and social withdrawal
• Acting out-sexually, or risk taking behavior
• Excessive activity/none to manage inner turmoil
• Anger outburst
• Sleep eating disturbances including nightmares
• Increased self focusing and withdrawal

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NEW BEGINNINGS

• Re-integration is a chance to
• Get to know and love your children in a new way