System Malfunction Report

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Communication System Malfunction Report
Or Customer Service ...unsupervised.
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Communication System Malfunction Report
In order to help us serve you better Please
answer all of the following in as much detail as
possible.
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Communication System Malfunction Report
1.Please explain the problem you are currently
experiencing ____________________________________
__________________________
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Communication System Malfunction Report
1.Please explain the problem you are currently
experiencing ____________________________________
__________________________ 2.Now explain the
real problem ____________________________________
__________________________
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Communication System Malfunction Report
3. Have you attempted to fix the problem
yourself? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
3. Have you attempted to fix the problem
yourself? Y N 4. Did you ask a friend or
colleague who knows a lot about this stuff to
help you fix the problem? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
5. While you or your colleague were attempting to
fix the problem, did you
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Communication System Malfunction Report
5. While you or your colleague were attempting to
fix the problem, did you - Make the initial
problem even worse? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
5. While you or your colleague were attempting to
fix the problem, did you - See a bright flash
of light, followed by a brief whiff of ozone? Y
N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
5. While you or your colleague were attempting to
fix the problem, did you - Have to put any fires
out with water, coffee or other immediately
available beverages? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
5. While you or your colleague were attempting to
fix the problem, did you - Cause any other
connected technology components to suddenly
surprisingly fail? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
6. What exactly were you doing when the system
suddenly failed? ____________________________ ____
________________________ _________________________
___ __________________ .
In that case...
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Communication System Malfunction Report
7. Please explain how it is possible for the
system to have so completely failed
when you were not touching anything at the
time ___________________________________________
_______ .
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Communication System Malfunction Report
8. Did you read the manual? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
8. Did you read the manual? Y N 9. Have you
used the system successfully in the past?
Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
8. Did you read the manual? Y N 9. Have you
used the system successfully in the past?
Y N 10. If you answered Yes to items 8
and 9, why cant you fix the system yourself?
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Communication System Malfunction Report
11. During previous instances of system failure,
were you involved in either using the system at
the time or in attempts to fix the problem
after it occurred? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
12. Have you ever noticed that technology often
seems to fail when you are using it or any time
you are the one who is instructing someone else
how to operate it? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
13. If you were not in any way involved in any
system failures in the past, do you know who was
involved? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
13. If you were not in any way involved in any
system failures in the past, do you know who was
involved? Y N 14. Is this person in the
office today? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
15. Can you blame them for the current
malfunction without them finding out it was you
who blamed them? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
15. Can you blame them for the current
malfunction without them finding out it was you
who blamed them? Y N 15(b). Can you think
of anyone else who can be blamed? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
16. Does anyone (other than yourself) know that
this system is currently broken (and, if so, will
they agree not to tell anyone else the
circumstances that led to the current
failure)? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
16.(b) If unsure, can you think of a very
embarrassing secret the other person told you
that would get them into a lot of trouble if it
became more widely known? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
17. Is there an identical system or component in
your office that is working, and can you swap
your broken unit for the working unit without
being noticed? Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
18. Can you make it look like vandals broke this
system? (If so, can you make it look like
vandals broke into your office and stole this
system?) Y N
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Communication System Malfunction Report
19. Why arent you calling the system
manufacturer or the original supplier in order to
obtain technical support? ________________________
_______________________ .
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Communication System Malfunction Report
20. Why wont the system manufacturer or the
original supplier take your technical-support
calls anymore? ___________________________________
________________________________________ .
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Communication System Malfunction Report
21. What makes you think that we will not make
the same accusations? _______________
_____________________________ ____________________
____.
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Communication System Malfunction Report
22. Who told you to call us, and who made your
call to us possible by giving you our telephone
number and a contact name at our office?
__________________________ _________________ .
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Communication System Malfunction Report
23. Do you know of any device ever invented that
would enable someone to accurately measure the
depth and breadth to which we could care less
about your problem? Y N
(Only correct answer - - )
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Communication System Malfunction Report
24. Is there anything we can say or do that will
cause you to
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Communication System Malfunction Report
24. Is there anything we can say or do that will
cause you to - Hang up now, and
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Communication System Malfunction Report
24. Is there anything we can say or do that will
cause you to - Hang up now, and - Never call us
again, and
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Communication System Malfunction Report
24. Is there anything we can say or do that will
cause you to - Burn the slip of paper in front
of you that has our name and this telephone
number written on it?
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Communication System Malfunction Report
Thank you for contacting us.
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Communication System Malfunction Report
Thank you for contacting us. We will get to your
problem as soon as this form rises to the top of
the list.
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Communication System Malfunction Report
Thank you for contacting us. We will get to your
problem as soon as this form rises to the top of
the list. Good luck!
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This bit of humor brought to you by
S.Sharer
VC Design,Engineering Training
912-786-0068 - voice voicemail 912-786-0507 -
fax [phone]- video www.ScottSharer.com
Tybee Island GA 31328
USA
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