Relationships and Roles

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• Chapter 11
• Relationships and Roles

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The Changing Landscape of Marriage

• Throughout history Marriage was often based on
  practical concerns.
• Mid twentieth century (1950s) Marriage in
  twenties with the expectation of maintaining the
  relationship for a half-century.
• Often based on traditional gender roles as the
  norm (see photo)
• Late twentieth century Marriage is significantly
  redefined.
• Marriage was deinstitutionalized transformed
  from the standard adult institution to more of a
  focus on personal choices.

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Cross-culturally

• Buss (1989) analysed over 10,000 participants
  aged 16-28 from 33 countries (5 continents)
• Men valued physical attractiveness more than
  women, but women value it too
• Men valued women who are younger
• Women valued financial capacity

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Make your ideal man/woman

• -Hip to waist ratios
• Females 0.7
• Males 0.9
• -Younger partner was preferred by 42 of men and
  only 25 of women.
• -Physical attractiveness listed as important to
  44 of men and only 22 of women.

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The United States Dreaming of Marriage for Life

• Despite high divorce rates, young people still
  want to marry.
• 8 out of 10 report want to marry, same as past
  research
• Although the desire may be marriage, more
  consideration is given to certain fundamentals
• Personal goals
• Sense of identify established
• Financially stability

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U-shaped curve of martial satisfaction

• Starts with high expectations-honeymoon
  phase-Happiness is at its peak
• Happiness slopes downward, and then tends to
  decline more slowly or level out around year
  4-danger zone
• If a couple can get past the first 4 years, they
  have passed the main divorce danger zone.

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U-shaped curve of martial satisfaction

• Marriage affected by work and children.
• First child reaching puberty causes more stress
  to relationship as parents deal with childs
  emotional instability.
• Positive change occurs with empty nest
• Happiness increases when children leave.
• Many empty-nest couples reconnect when they are
  suddenly just the two of us together again.

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Sternbergs Triangular Theory

• Adult love relationships- three components
• Passion (sexual arousal)
• Intimacy (feelings of closeness)
• Commitment (exclusive relationships)
• Consummate love (ideal state) combines
  passion, intimacy, and commitment
• but over time marital passion and even intimacy
  tend to wane

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Keeping Passion and Intimacy Alive

• 1 out of every 10 couples manage to stay
  passionate for decades
• Realize that keeping passion and intimacy takes
  work.
• Regularly engage in exciting activities that both
  partners enjoy.

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Couple Communications and Happiness

• Happy couples
• more positive than negative comments
• dont get personal when they disagree
• -Unhappy couples personalize their conflicts,
  often using put-downs and sarcasm.
• -Happy couple see the disagreement as a situation
  not a personal attack.
• are sensitive to their partners need for
  space.
• -Interactions that begin with attempted
  discussions of concern, leading to disgust, then
  contempt