Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption

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Race Adoption a comfortable conversation
Judy Stigger, LCSW Jstigger_at_cradle.org
www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org
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White Privilege

• I think my mother and father never saw us as
  different from themselves or others in our
  community. I think they thought if they loved us
  enough, other people wouldnt see the difference
  either.

Once They Hear My Name Lee, Lammert, Hess
A.J. (Amy Jo) Thomassen social worker in St.
Louis, MO
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Alex Haley

• In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to
  know our heritage, to know who we are and where
  we have come from. Without this enriching
  knowledge, there is a hollow yearning no matter
  what our attainments in life, there is the most
  disquieting loneliness.
• Alex Haley, Roots

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Agenda

• What we know about race identity
• Ages stages
• Challenges advice
• Birth family
• Whos in my tribe
• Multiracial families
• Evening news
• Resources

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What We Know About Race

• Black/African American
• White/Caucasian
• Hispanic/Latino
• Asian
• Other
• Adopted

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What We Know About Race

• White / European
• Asian
• Hispanic / Latino
• Other?
• Black / African American
• Adopted

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Responses

• Informational/Educational
• Privacy Guarding
• Humorous
• Goal to EQUIP and PROTECT

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Other Considerations

• Kid useable responses
• Aiming the spotlight
• If a child is asking
• Is your answer kid-friendly?

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How We Learn

• Overt Prejudice
• Random
• Vicarious
• Absent/Irrelevant
• Curiosity of others
• Care

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Lasts a Lifetime
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Sources of Discrimination

• Greatest sources of discrimination for whites
  were around adoption (not race)
• Extended Family (40)
• Childhood Friends (28)
• Childhood friends parents (24)
• Greatest sources of discrimination for kids of
  color were around race/ethnicity
• Stranger (80)
• Classmates (75)
• Childhood Friends (48)

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Importance of Adoptive Identity at Different
Life Stages
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Importance of Racial/Ethnic Identity at
Different Life Stages
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Community Characteristics (Diversity)
Level of community diversity experienced by TR
adoptees as children, and where they chose to
live as adults
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Comfort with Identity
Extremely or Very Comfortable Somewhat
Comfortable Somewhat Uncomfortable Extremely
or Very Uncomfortable
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3 6 years old

• Issues
• How things work
• Belonging
• Same Different
• Facts
• What does my mom look like?
• Why didnt she keep me?
• Feelings
• Curiosity Want to know about self
• Pain Want to be just like mommy or daddy

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Just like Mommy / Daddy
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School Projects / Triggers

• Draw yourself
• Draw your family
• Bring a baby picture
• Stories about new siblings

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One of these is not like the other
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How Diverse is Childs School?

• Student body
• Teachers
• Holidays Celebrations
• Images on walls in books
• Presentation of subject matter

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Carmen People Like Me
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Windows Mirrors
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Grandma Loves Me
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Coherent Narrative Young Child
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Questions

• What does my birth mom look like?
• Why didnt she keep me?
• (Why didnt she stop using drugs so she could
  keep me?)
• Why did you adopt me?
• Wheres my birth dad?
• Are my (siblings) okay? Do you know where they
  are?
• Am I going to grow up like my birth parents or my
  foster/adoptive parents?
• Why didnt you send money so she could keep me?

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7 10 years old

• Issues
• Envision others beyond self
• Play by rules
• Facts
• Why didnt she keep me?
• What about my birth dad?
• With what race do parents associate associate
  me?
• Feelings
• Value Development Adoptive vs. Birth Parents
• Anger I was not valued by BP

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School Projects Triggers

• National History
• Family Tree
• How family came to America
• Ethnic festival
• Drug awareness education
• Emerging learning issues

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Proactive vs Blindsided
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Guilt versus Shame
Becky Carter, LCPC
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FAIR Families Fairfamilies.org
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Ethnic Fest
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No one who looks like me is worth my parents
friendship
Nobody who looks like me is worth my parents
friendship
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Multiracial Identity for everyone
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11 14 years old

• Issues
• Ethics
• Nature vs. Nurture
• Race/ethnicity as identity
• Facts
• Was she correct to place me?
• How am I like my B parent vs. my A parent
• Feelings
• Observe Compare Who am I like?
• Fear What will I become?
• What groups will I fit in with?

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School Projects / Triggers

• Family Tree
• Career Day
• Sex Education
• Biology
• World History
• Accommodations

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Whose my Tribe?

• Racial identity
• Adoption identity
• Gender identity
• Common interests
• Common abilities
• Shared resources
• Shared values

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Identity Real Family
Emotional
Legal
Biological
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Birthfamily first person ethnicity
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Societys Labels vs Self-Identity
I am Both
Black is Beautiful White is Wonderful
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Multiracial for Generations to Come
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How do we address Ferguson
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www.AdoptionLearningPartners.org
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Spring 2015 Parenting Webinar Register Now at
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org
Identity in Adoption Mirrors and Windows Have
you ever wondered just how much nature vs.
nurture will play a role in your adopted childs
identity formation? How will they balance these
influences as they pull together their own
understanding of who they are? What can you do
to help them? Join moderator Leah Bloom, LMFT,
as she leads our panel through a discussion about
the intricacies of identity formation within an
adopted individual. Live Webinar Thursday, May
7th, 2015 700pm Central QA 800pm
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Questions and Answers