SUCCESS BEYOND THE NUMBERS

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(No Transcript)
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Adoption Network Cleveland
Adoption Search and Reunion/ Cautarea si reunirea
in adoptie
Linda Bellini, MSSA, LISW Program Specialist,
Adult Adoptees Birthparents
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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Objectives Today/ obiectivele de azi
• Understanding the lifelong journey of adoption/
  sa intelegem calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  adoptie
• Learning common reasons why people search/ sa
  intelegem motivele comune care-i fac pe oameni sa
  caute
• Knowing the difference between search and
  reunion/ sa vedem diferentele dintre cautare si
  reunire
• Factors that increase the possibility of a
  successful reunion/ factorii care sporesc
  posibilitatile succesului in reunire

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Adoption is a lifelong, intergenerational process
  which links birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive
  families forever./ Adoptia este un proces de-a
  lungul vietii care leaga pentru totdeauna mamele
  biologice, copiii adoptati si familii adoptive
• The lifelong adoption experience brings with it
  core issues, especially for those who grew up in
  a closed adoption./ experienta adoptiei, de-a
  lungul intregii vieti, aduce cu sine teme
  centrale, mai ales pentru cei care au crescut in
  adoptii inchise
• Children of the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s, now
  adults, grew up with much secrecy and silence.
  Copiii din 1950, 1960, 1970, care acum sunt
  adulti, au crescut insotiti de multa tacere si
  secret.

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/
  obiectivele nerealizate ale secretului in
  adoptiile din Statele Unite
• For Birthmothers/ pt mamele biologice
• They could easily resolve their feelings about
  the placement/ ar fi putut mai usor sa-si rezolve
  sentimentele cu privire la plasamentul copilului
• They would be protected from being considered
  unwed mothers/ ar fi fost protejate de situatia
  in care erau considerate mame cu copii din flori
• They could forget about their child and move on
  as if nothing happened/ ar fi putut uita de
  copilul lor si sa-si continue viata ca si cand
  nimic nu s-ar fi petrecut

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/
  scopuri nerealizate ale secretului in adoptii in
  Statele Unite
• For Birthfathers/ pt tatal biologic
• They can just move on with no concern/ ei pot
  sa-si vada de treburile lor fara nici o grija
• They would never need to assume any
  responsibility/ nu vor trebui niciodata sa-si
  asume vreo responsabilitate

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/
  Scopuri esuate ale pastrarii secretului in
  adoptie in Statele Unite
• For Adopted Persons/ pt persoanele adoptate
• They would be protected from being labeled
  illegitimate/ vor fi protejati de la a fi
  numiti ílegitimi
• They would be more easily integrated into the
  adoptive family/ se vor integra mai usor in
  familia adoptiva

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Failed Goals of Secrecy in U.S. Adoptions/
  scopuri esuate ale secretului in adoptie in
  Statele Unite
• For Adoptive Parents/ pt parintii adoptivi
• They could portray their family as that of a
  biological one/ isi vor putea portretiza familia
  ca o familie biologica
• They would never need to tell anyone/ nu vor avea
  nevoie sa spuna nimanui
• They could hide their pain of infertility/ vor
  putea ascunde durerea lor legata de infertilitate
• They would not need to ever look back/ nu vor
  avea nevoie niciodata sa priveasca in urma

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Core Issues of Adoption for the Adopted Person/
  probleme centrale ale adoptiei pt persoana
  adoptata
• Loss / Pierdere
• Abandonment and Rejection/ abandon si respingere
• Shame and Guilt/ rusine si vinovatie

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Core Issues of Adoption for the Adopted Person/
  probleme centrale ale adoptiei pt persoana
  adoptata
• Identity/ identitate
• Feeling Different/ sentimentul ca e altfel decat
  ceilalti
• Feeling like something is different/ sentimentul
  ca ceva difera

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for
  Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  cazul parintilor biologici
• Often forgotten members of the adoption triad/
  adeseori ei sunt membrii uitati ai triadei
  adoptiei
• Societal attitudes in the post-World War II
  decades took their toll on the emotional,
  physical and spiritual health of birthparents,
  especially on birthmothers./ atitudinea societala
  in deceniile de dupa cel de Al Doilea Razboi
  Mondial a taxat sanatatea emotionala, fizica si
  spirituala a parintilor biologici, mai ales a
  mamelor biologice

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for
  Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  cazul parintilor biologici
• Typically the painful loss of their child through
  adoption overshadows the rest of their lives
  (isolation, unexpressed grief, secrecy)/ in mod
  obisnuit pierderea dureroasa a copilului lor prin
  adoptie le umbreste restul vietii (izolare,
  durere neexprimata, secret)

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for
  Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  cazul parintilor biologici
• Triggers include birth of another child seeing
  friends and relatives with babies, milestone
  events of the relinquished and/or other
  child(ren)/ factorii provocatori pot fi nasterea
  unui alt copil sa vada prieteni sau rude cu
  bebelusi evenimente capitale in care alt copil
  sau copii este/sunt abandonati

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for
  Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  cazul parintilor biologici
• Negative Coping by self-blame and stigmatizing
  perceived relational failure(s) depression
  denial self-medicating seeking
  support/counseling/ negativi sa faca fata
  autoinvinovatirii si stigmatizarii esecurilor
  relationale percepute depresiei negarii
  auto-medicatiei cautarii de sprijin/consiliere

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for
  Birthparents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in
  cazul parintilor biologici
• Positive Finding a voice sharing their
  stories to educate adoption professionals,
  prospective adoptive parents, their families, the
  general public working to change legislation to
  open sealed records/ pozitiv sa-si gaseasca (sa
  devina ) o voce sa-si impartaseasca povestile
  unor profesionisti formati in adoptii, parintilor
  care doresc sa adopte, familiilor lor, publicului
  larg sa lucreze pentru a schimba legislatia in
  sensul de a deschide dosarele sigilate

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Adoptive
  Parents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in cazul
  parintilor adoptivi
• Requires adaptation to build a family through
  adoption/ sa construiesti o familie prin adoptie,
  cere o buna adaptare
• Preparation needed to make space for birthfamily,
  especially birthmother, in their childs heart
  and mind/ sunt necesare pregatiri pentru a face
  loc familiei biologice, mai ales mamei biologice,
  in inima si mintea copilului lor adoptat

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• The Lifelong Journey of Adoption for Adoptive
  Parents/ calatoria de-a lungul vietii in cazul
  parintilor adoptati
• Assistance needed in the healthy management of
  the absent birthfamily presence, psychologically
  and physically/ este necesara o asistenta
  psihologica si fizica pentru managementul sanatos
  al prezentei familiei biologice absente
• Acceptance of adult sons/daughters need to
  search/ acceptarea nevoii fiului/fiicei adulte de
  a cauta

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• What is Search?/Ce este cautarea?
• For the birthparents who did not pursue it / pt
  parintii biologici care nu au tintit asta
• Not wanting to disrupt their sons/daughters
  life/ nedorind sa intrerupa viata fiului/fiicei
• Not wanting to intrude on the adoptive family/
  nedorind sa fie intruzivi cu familia adoptiva

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• What is Search?/ ce este cautarea?
• For the birthparents who did not pursue it/ pt
  parintii biologici care nu au tintit asta
• Fear of rejection/ teama de respingere
• Not believing its their right to search/ nu cred
  ca ar avea dreptul sa caute
• The unspoken agreement to never talk about their
  child again/ conventia neexprimata de a nu mai
  vorbi niciodata despre copilul lor

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• What is Search?/ ce este cautarea?
• For the birthparents who do search pt parintii
  biologici care cauta
• They have a medical genetic problem/ au probleme
  medicale sau genetice
• A need to know that their son/daughter had a good
  life/ au nevoie sa stie ca fiul/fiica lor are o
  viata buna
• To share why they made an adoption plan to
  share their story/ sa impartaseasca celorlalti
  motivul pentru care au facut un plan de a-si da
  copilul in adoptie- sa-si impartaseasca povestea
  lor
• To answer any questions/ sa raspunda oricarei
  intrebari

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• What is Search?/ ce este cautarea?
• For the Adoptive Parents/ pt parintii adoptivi
• They may have a cognitive recognition that it is
  a natural for their son/daughter to want to have
  their questions answered, but the emotional
  impact could be very different/ s-ar putea sa fie
  constienti de faptul ca este natural ca
  fiul/fiica lor sa doreasca sa aiba raspunsuri la
  intrebarile lor
• Fear of losing their son/daughter to the
  birthmother and/or birthfamily/ teama de a-si
  pierde fiul/fiica ce-I va lasa si va pleca la
  mama sau familia biologica

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• What is Search?/ Ce este cautarea?
• For the Adoptive Parents pt parintii adoptivi
• Unresolved failure and loss We loved and
  nurtured them, but not enough or they wouldnt
  want to search/ pierdere si eroare nerezolvata-
  L-AM IUBIT SI L-AM HRANIT DAR NU A FOST
  SUFICIENT PT A-L IMPIEDICA SA CAUTE
• Prompts feelings of inadequacy and rejection/
  mentine sentimente de inadecvare si respingere
• Threatened Worried/ amenintare ingrijorari

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• When to Search/ Cand cauti?
• Be emotionally ready/ sa fii pregatit emotional
• Be clear about why searching/ sa stii de ce
  cauti
• Be prepared for the ups and downs of the
  process/ sa fii pregatit pt suisurile si
  coborasurile procesului

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• When to Search/ cand cauti
• Have support system in place (adoption support
  group, counselor)/ sa ai un sistem de sprijin
  functional (grupuri de sprijin, consiliere)
• When self-motivated (should not be driven by
  others)/ cand esti auto-motivat (sa nu te lasi
  condus de altii)

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Search Process/ procesul cautarii
• Assemble all known information best place to
  start is with the agency that handled the
  adoption/ asambleaza toate informatiile
  cunoscute-cel mai bun loc de a incepoe este
  agentia care s-a ocupat cu adoptia
• Research relevant laws in the country where the
  child was born and adopted / cauta legile
  relevante in statul in care s-a nascut copilul si
  a fost adoptatin the USA each state has
  different laws/ in Statele Unite fiecare stat are
  legi diferite

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Search Process/ procesul cautarii
• Register with reunion registries available
  through the country, state, organizations/
  registrul unde sunt inregistrare reunirile,
  disponibil la nivel de stat, organizatii
• Find competent search resources/search
  professionals within the country and/or state of
  birth/ gaseste resurse competente in cautare/
  cauta profesionisti din statul respectiv sau/si
  statul unde a avut loc nasterea

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Search Process/ Procesul de cautare
• Research court documents available (marriage,
  divorce, birth, death)/ cauta documentele de la
  tribunal care sunt disponibile
• Country specific articles, blogs and support
  groups may be good sources of information in an
  international search/ articole specifice,
  bloguri, grupuri de sprijin pot fi surse bune de
  informatie intr-o cautare la nivel international

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Search Process/ procesul de cautare
• Social Media use of the Internet and various
  social networking sites, such as Facebook, can be
  very helpful but be cautious/ media utilizati
  internetul si diferite site-uri ale unor retele
  sociale, cum ar fi Facebook- acestea pot fi utile
  dar fiti prevazatori cu ele

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Emotional Roller Coaster of Search/ tangajul
  emotional al cautarii
• Anger/ furie
• Sadness/ suparare
• Fear of rejection/ teama de respingere
• Stirring up painful memories/ fixarea pe
  amintitri dureroase
• Disappointing the person found/ dezamagirea
  persoanei gasite

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Emotional Roller Coaster of Search/ tangajul
  emotional al cautarii
• Outcome not meeting expectations/ rezultatele nu
  corespund asteptarilor
• Finding death at the end of a search/ gasesti
  moarte la capatul cautarii
• Running into dead ends/ alergi spre capat
• Feeling overwhelmed/ te simti coplesit
• Taking a break/ iti iei o pauza

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Making Contact/ realizarea contactului
• Be emotionally prepared for different outcomes/
  fii pregatit emotional pt diferite variante
• Searcher must always respect the wishes of the
  person found/ cel care cauta trebuie sa respecte
  intotdeauna dorintele persoanei gasite
• Pace the time between initial contact and an
  actual meeting/ regleaza timpul dintre contactul
  initial si intalnire

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Making Contact/ realizarea contactului
• Allow the person found the time to process the
  situation and their emotions/ ingaduie persoanei
  gasite sa-si ia timpul necesar pentru a procesa
  situatia si propriile emotii
• Establish boundaries for ongoing contact/
  stabileste legaturi pentru a mentine continuu
  contactul
• Get support from others who understand/
  gaseste-ti sprijin in randurile celor care
  inteleg

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Contact Strategies/ strategii de contact
• The end of the search is really the beginning/
  capatul cautarii este cu adevarat doar inceputul
• Making a phone call/ da telefon
• Writing a letter/ scrii scrisoare
• Using an intermediary/ te servesti de un
  intermediar
• Waiting for a reply/ astepti raspunsul

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Plan Ahead for a Reunion/ planifica dinainte
  reunirea
• Where will it take place?/ unde va avea loc?
• When will it take place?/ cand va avea loc?
• Who will participate? / cine va participa?

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• New Roles Post-Reunion/ Roluri noi dupa reunire
• For the Adoptee/ pt adoptat
• Learning how to integrate new people into ones
  life/ invata cum sa integreze noile persoane in
  propria viata
• Managing the amount of information learned can be
  overwhelming/ managementul cantitatii de
  informatie aflata poate fi coplesitor
• Taking time to develop relationships/ ia-ti timp
  pt dezvoltarea relatiilor

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• New Roles Post-Reunion/ roluri noi post-reuniune
• For the Birthparents/ pt parintii biologici
• How to tell others who might not know about the
  adoption?/ cum sa spui altora, care s-ar putea sa
  nu stie nimic despre adoptie?
• How do they fit into their sons/daughters
  life?/ cum se vor potrivi ei in viata
  fiului/fiicei tale?
• Learning how to establish meaningful
  communication with the adoptee/ sa inveti cum sa
  stabilesti o comunicare plina de sens cu
  adoptatul

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• New Roles Post-Reunion/ roluri noi post reunire
• For the Adoptive parents Pt parintii adoptiv
• Learning how to manage insecurities that surface/
  sa inveti cum sa faci fata nesigurantelor
  aparente
• Learning how to manage worries about son/daughter
  turning away from them or liking their
  birthfamily better/ sa inveti cum sa faci fata
  ingrijorarilor cu privire la posibilitatea ca
  fiul/fiica ta ar putea sa se intoarca si sa se
  lege din nou de familia biologica
• Being supportive can result in bringing parents
  and adoptee closer/ daca acorzi tot sprijinul
  s-ar putea sa restabilesti apropierea dintre
  parintii adoptivi si pe copilul adoptat

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Pitfalls in Reunion / caderi in timpul reunirii
• Resolving past issues/ rezolvarea problemelor
  vechi
• Lack of open communication/ lipsa de comunicare
  deschisa
• Unmet expectations/ asteptari nerealizate
• Different values-different lives/ valori
  diferite- vieti diferite
• Bad Timing for the person found/ moment
  nepotrivit pentru persoana gasita

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Transformation in USA Adoptions/ transformari in
  adoptiile din SUA
• Moving from secrecy to openness in adoption /
  evolutia dinspre secret spre deschidere in
  adoptie
• States changing legislation to allow for open
  records to adoptees (Ohio in March 2015)/
  schimbarea legislatiei din diferitele state
  astfel incat sa permita deschiderea dosarelor
  catre adoptati (Ohio in martie 2015)
• Growing up in an Open Adoption/ a creste intr-o
  adoptie deschisa

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Conclusions/ concluzii
• Searcher controls process and pace/ cautatorul
  controleaza procesul si ritmul
• Honor given to all parties/ toate partile trebuie
  onorate
• Even with undesirable outcomes, searchers always
  thankful to know the truth/ chiar daca
  rezultatele cautarii sunt nedorite, cautatorii
  sunt intotdeauna multumiti sa cunoasca adevarul
• Importance of emotional preparation and support/
  importanta pregatirii emotionale si a sprijinului

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Adoption Network Cleveland
1,950 searches to completion!/ 1950
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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Sources
• Journeys After Adoption Understanding Lifelong
  IssuesJayne E. Schooler and Betsie L. Norris
• The Girls Who Went Away
• Ann Fessler
• The Spirit of Open Adoption
• James Gritter
• The Seven Core Issues of AdoptionSharon Kaplan
  Roszia and Deborah Silverstein
• Birthbond Reunions Between Birthparents and
  Adoptees What Happens AfterJudith S. Gediman
  and Linda P. Brown
• The Adoption Reunion Survival GuideJulie Jarrell
  Bailey and Lynn Giddens, M.A.

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Adoption Network Cleveland

• Contact Us
• [phone] www.AdoptionNetwork.org
• Linda Bellini Program Specialist, Adult Adoptees
  and Birthparents
• [phone] Linda.Bellini_at_AdoptionNetwork.org
  
• Facebook Adoption Network Cleveland
• Twitter AdoptionNetCle
• Youtube youtube.com/adoptionnetcle
• Linkedin Adoption Network Cleveland

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calatoria de-a lungul vietii in cazul parintilor
biologici