Which brings us to tonight

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• Which brings us to tonights Wørd

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Machiavelli

• Machiavelli

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Nerd

• I once quoted Machiavelli in a job interview

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Didn't want to say "doing your wife"

• They asked me where I saw myself in 10 years

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Plays the field

• So I went on about how Machiavelli said you must
  seize opportunities but not rely upon them as
  fortune is fickle. Thus I keep my options open.

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Didnt need toilet paper

• I have a political science degree and wanted to
  put it to use

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Took socialism, bad at ice hockey

• I know each PoliSci major has a CSIS file

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Cry for attention

• Every now and then I like to use trigger words
  the NSA watch for on international phone calls

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Cry for help

• I like the idea that a guy in some office in
  Houston or Langley will have to spend an hour
  reviewing my thoughts on planes and guns

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Think you can do better?

• By that I mean, taking a paintball gun on a plane
  to New York to shoot Stephen Colbert for not
  doing a The Wørd segment tonight

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A Muslim and a cartoonist walk into a bar...

• I like the thought that my crazy joke is wasting
  the time of some part of the American government

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Machiavelli

• Because anything that slows them down, speeds us
  up by comparison. Or so said Machiavelli and
  that's The Wørd