Transitions in Sexuality for Persons with Disabilities

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Transitions in Sexuality for Persons with
DisabilitiesOR
MOTIVATION

• Deborah Jean Harding, Ph.D., LPC
• Associate Professor at Amarillo College and
• ED of Win-Win-Win Educational Research
  Consultants

COMMUNICATION
SKILL
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What to do when that Sweet Little Kitten.
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becomes a MANGYOLD TOMCAT! (quote from
parent of teen with cerebral palsy)
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WELCOME!
Presentation given Thursday, April 24, 2014 at
the Twogether Consulting 2nd Annual IDD Provider
Family Resource Conference (HOUSTON,TX)
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All families will deal with
sexuality .one way or another!
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No matter who you are.

• you will deal with your own sexuality and that
  of your family members
• and those you
• care for!

AND THAT MEANS EVEN THOSE OF US WHO ARE IN THE
FIELD OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT and WHO CARE FOR
OTHER HUMANS will deal with this!
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ITS IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE THAT ALL FAMILIES
HAVE

• COMPETENCIES
• Strengths, abilities, motivations, goals
• VULNERABILITIES
• Weaknesses, situations, blind spots
• STYLES OF COPING
• Direct, motivated, knowledgeable
• Indirect, unmotivated, unknowledgeable
• STYLES OF COMMUNICATING
• Open, clear, concise
• Closed, obscure, indirect

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ALL OF US HAVE WAYS OF DEALING WITH SEXUALITY

• There is the Ostrich head in the sand!
• and the Group Ostrichlets vote!

ONE METHOD THE MOTION HAS BEEN MADE AND
SECONDED THAT WE ALL STICK OUR HEADS IN THE SAND!
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STYLES OF DEALING WITH SEXUALITY

• Then there is the
• HAIR ON FIRE approach.
• over-reaction,
• drama and crisis!
• MOST OF US
• REALIZE THAT
• OUR BRAINS ARE
• WIRED FOR SEXUALITY
• ITS NATURAL!
• CALM DOWN!!!!!

YOU DID WHAT?
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STYLES OF DEALING WITH SEXUALITY

• Then there is the
• HELL IS ON FIREDO ASI SAY, NOT AS I DO
  SERMON.
• NONE OF THESE STYLES ARE VERY HELPFUL WHEN
  DEALING WITH THE NATURAL EXPERIENCES OF
• SEXUALITY IN THE
• PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT!

DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO
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ALL FAMILIES DEAL WITH SEXUALITY

• EFFECTIVELY OR INEFFECTIVELY
• WHATS UNIQUE
• FOR FAMILIES OF
• PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES
• IS THE LACK OF
• CULTURAL TRANSMISSIONS
• AS TO WHAT IS APPROPRIATE!
• THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN!
• YOU CAN HELP!
• BtwCOME SEE THE SESSIONS!

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THE SESSIONS!

• We will be showing THE SESSIONS from 300 to 415
  right after this presentation, in this room
• An incredible film about a young man who decides
  to take his sexual desires to the next level.
• With John Hawke, William Macy and Helen Hunt

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The ROLE of a family is to

• Provide a sense of belonginga place to stand
• Provide a sense of being separateyou can go into
  the world and be who you want to be
• ASSIST MEMBERS IN DEVELOPING COMPETENCE AND POWER
• Adults are ALSO there to protect the child
• L. K. Frank, founder of Child Development in U.S.
• Protection from the biases of society
• Protection from harm
• Protection from harm is not same as preventing
  someone from maturing and growing up!
• KNOWLEDGE EMPOWERING INDIVIDUAL
• TO BE COMPETENT are the
• BEST FORMS OF PROTECTION

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YOUR CLIENTS and/ or FAMILY MEMBERS MAY COME TO
YOU FOR GUIDANCE.

• Some families dont know there is an issue and
  are not motivated to know more.
• Some families know, but ignore and deny issues
• Some families want to deal with it, but lack
  strategy and tactics to deal with problems/issues
  or have specific issues in the family that leave
  the family vulnerable in some ways
• Some families do a pretty good job of problem
  solving, create strategies, dialogue, and are
  open and motivated to solve problems.

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ABILITY TO COPE KNOWLEDGE/SKILL/STRATEGY BASE
M O T IVAT I O N T O C O P E
Low
Medium
High

• Motivated to cope
• Lacks strategies/
• skills, knowledge
• May have specific
• vulnerabilities/
• obstacles
• (eg single parent,
• severe poverty, etc)
  

High Medium
Low

• Motivated to cope
• Develops strategies
• Accesses resources
• Works on skills, reads
• to gain knowledge

• Has knowledge, access
• to resources, skills,
• strategies, tactics
• NOT motivated
• to cope, to grow, and
• recognize issue
• MAY be motivated
• to keep family member
• dependent

• Unmotivated to cope with issues,
• Lacks knowledge,
• skills, strategies
• and communication,
• Doesnt seek out
• resources/guidance

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ABILITY TO COPE KNOWLEDGE/SKILL/STRATEGY BASE
M O T IVAT I O N T O C O P E
Low
Medium
High

• Family B
• Disability Deaf/blind son from birth
• Motivated to deal with sons sexuality
• Need to work on
• strategies to deal
• with puberty, sexuality
• and masturbation.

• Family D
• Disability son with
• midbrain damage
• Desire to cope deal
• with sexuality in sons
• Have knowledge, skill, communication to help
  sons become
• competent adults.

High Medium
Low

• Family C
• Disability Cerebral palsy
• Father in the profession puberty scared
  him..My cuddly little kitten comment
• Needs work on
• motivation

• Family A
• Disability Severe learning disability
• Mild IDD
• Ignore, pray, deny
• Family shamed sexuality whileacting out
  sexually, chaotic
• NEEDS BOTH!

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SO.AS PARENTS, PROFESSIONALS CAREGIVERS.

• HOW CAN WE HELP?

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Normalizing Sexual Development

• Normalizing sexuality
• All brains of all people are pre-wired for two
  things to continue the species
• IMMEDIATE SURVIVAL (fight and flight)
• LONG TERM SURVIVAL SEXUALITY
• Bridging the families style of coping and
  communicating WITH THE FACTS
• Using correct terminology PROTECTS and EMPOWERS
  FAMILY MEMBERS

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Its our job toMODEL COMPETENCE

• The list of ways we can help MUST BE MODELED
  FIRST BY YOU!
• The greatest gift you can give your clients is
  to MODEL these behaviors!
• MONKEY SEEMONKEY DO!
• Then, we teach them to MODEL for their loved one!

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Help Families KNOW the FACTS and WHAT TO EXPECT

• FACTS JUST LIKE PEOPLE WITHOUT DISABILITIES are
  CRITICAL!
• KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES
• 1 FEEL THE DESIRE TO HAVE SEX
• 2 WANT TO BE ADULTS and BE INDEPENDENT AND
  POWERFUL PEOPLE
• 3 HAVE NORMAL and CONTROLLABLE SEXUAL URGES

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EMPOWERING FAMILIES TO EMPOWER FAMILY MEMBERS

• BE REAL
• BASED IN FACTS
• Pretending is dangerous
• EVERYONE is SEXUAL
• BE AUTHENTIC
• KNOW YOUR OWN VALUES AND BELIEFS
• BE ASSERTIVE
• HAVE YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES IN PLACE (what you will
  and wont discuss)
• BE ACCURATE
• Use ONLY CORRECT TERMINOLOGY
• Research shows individuals who know correct
  terminology more likely to report abuse

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EMPOWERING FAMILIES TO EMPOWER FAMILY MEMBERS

• BE READY
• Start discussing sexuality when your child is
  young at the appropriate level
• BE TIMELY
• pick right time and place to have discussion
• BE CLEAR
• about who is who in the family.
• A childs father is not DADDY to MOMMYhes
  MOMMYs HUSBAND!
• BE VISUAL.
• use appropriate and accurate visual aids, books,
  photos

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EMPOWERING FAMILIES TO EMPOWER FAMILY MEMBERS

• BE AWARE
• Find teaching moments and situations to discuss
  sexuality (Aunt Marys pregnancy)
• BE HONEST
• When you dont know, say so!
• Lets find out together
• BE SUPPORTIVE
• Value your child/family members feelings,
  questions, concerns, ideas

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EMPOWERING FAMILIES TO EMPOWER FAMILY MEMBERS

• BE WILLING.
• To repeat yourself over time
• To add depth to the conversation as the
  individual matures and is ready
• BE RESOURCEFUL
• Use resources out there (bookstores, libraries,
  universities, college, local organizations,
  ONLINE (caution!)

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Specific Tips for Building Competence in Persons
with Disabilities

• Talk to the mental and psychological age of the
  individual, but DEAL IN REALITY WITH THEIR
  PHYSICAL AGE!
• Jane has MA of 8 but is 18 years of age
• We need to describe abuse, sexuality in terms of
  the 8 year old but deal with potential pregnancy
  etc.
• Join the family and/or client where they are
  at..
• EG If they are religious, we can talk about
  Jesus and his desire to protect children!
• Then SHARE THE FACTS that correct terminology and
  knowledge PROTECTS all children, and, most
  especially those with a disability!

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Specific Issues

• Masturbation
• Create a safe AND PRIVATE PLACE
• Teach hygiene
• Explain what happens in masturbation
• Normalize experience for the teen/child
• LEARN THE FACTS YOURSELF!

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KNOW THE FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL VIOLENCE

• 33 to 40 of sexual offenders against persons
  with disabilities are service providers!
• Staff members, attendants PSYCHIATRISTS
• 20 are friends and neighbors of the victims or
  babysitters
• 25 are family members (sad reality)
• 10 to 40 are other persons with disabilities
• 82 of victims are female, 91 offenders are male

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KNOW THE FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL VIOLENCE

• EMPOWEROING POTENTIAL VICTIMS
• Our VICTIMS need to know what PERPETRATORS LOOK
  LIKE!
• Straight talk is important!
• Knowing differences between good and bad touch.
• KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

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Creating Resources

• Creating a Community Resource Center for persons
  with disabilities
• Use the Sexual Assault Training Manual from the
  Texas Association Against Sexual Assault
• Creating literature, online links, books, videos,
  handouts to help parents
• Using formal and informal assessments to help
  families recognize their styles
• F.A.C.E.S.-IV Assessment
• Keirsey Temperament Sorter
• Coping/Knowledge Model

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CREATING RESOURCES
Creating Resources

• To access the Sexual Assault Training Manual from
  the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault, an
  excellent resource, GO TO
• http//www.taasa.org/member/pdfs/saatm-eng.pdf

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Articles to Read

• Cole, S. S. (Fall-Winter, 84-86). Facing the
  challenges of sexual abuse in persons with
  disabilities. Sexuality and Disabilities, 7-3/4,
  71-88.
• FAQs of Reporting Abuse/Neglect of People with
  Disabilities, Illinois Department of Human
  Services, Retrieve at http//www.dhs.state.il.us
  /page.aspx?item29428
• WHO/UNFPA (2009). Promoting sexual and
  reproductive health for persons with
  disabililites. Retrieve from http//www.unfpa.org
  /public/publications/pid/385
• NICHCY (March 2010) Sexuality Education for
  Students with Disabilties. Retrieve from
• http//nichcy.org/schools-adminstrators/sexed

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WEBSITES

• Getting Pregnant Retrieved from
  http//www.sexualityanddisability.org/reproduction
  /getting-pregnant.aspx
• TEEN PREGNANCY in ADOLESCENTS WITH DISABILITIES.
  Retrieved from
• http//www.iidc.indiana.edu/styles/iidc/defiles/IN
  STRC/Fact_Sheet_Teen_Pregnancy_with_Disability.pdf

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Information

• Dr. Deborah Jean Harding
• Email djharding_at_actx.edu
• Cell [phone]
• I am happy to consult with you about the
  information presented in this program! Just see
  me after the workshop!

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Questions and Comments ?