Choices in Relationships

1
Choices in Relationships

• Chapter Sixteen Remarriage and Stepfamilies

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Remarriage

• Remarriage for the Divorced
• Ninety percent of remarriages consist of persons
  who are divorced rather than widowed.
• Preparation for Remarriage
• It is not uncommon for persons who are divorced
  to live together with a new partner before
  remarriage.

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Remarriage

• Stages of Remarriage
• Boundary Maintenance
• Emotional Remarriage
• Psychic Remarriage
• Community Remarriage
• Parental Remarriage
• Economic and Legal Remarriage

4
Remarriage

• Remarriage for the Widowed
• Remarriage for the widowed is usually very
  different from remarriage for the divorced.
• Stability of Remarriages
• National data reflects that remarriages are more
  likely than first marriages to end in divorce in
  the early years of remarriage.

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Should a Woman Marry a Divorced Man with Children?

1. Acknowledge that a second marriage is vulnerable.
2. Question whether living together is beneficial to
   future marital success.
3. Delay marriage to a person who has been married
   before.
4. Consider a fresh start in a new home.

6
Stepfamilies

• Definition and Types of Stepfamilies
• Although a stepfamily can be created when a
  never-married or a widowed parent with children
  marries a person with or without children, most
  stepfamilies today are composed of spouses who
  were once divorced.
• There are several types of stepfamilies.

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Stepfamilies

• Unique Aspects of Stepfamilies
• The children in a stepfamily are biologically
  related to only one parent.
• Only one biological parent in a stepfamily lives
  with the children.
• Everyone in a stepfamily has experienced the loss
  of a love partner.
• Stepfamily members also are connected
  psychologically to others outside their unit.

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Stepfamilies
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Stepfamilies

• Stages in Becoming a Stepfamily
• Stage 1 Fantasy
• Stage 2 Reality
• Stage 3 Being Assertive
• Stage 4 Strengthening Pair Ties
• Stage 5 Recurring Change

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Strengths of Stepfamilies

• Exposure to a Variety of Behavior Patterns
• Happier Parents
• Opportunity for New Relationship with
  Stepsiblings
• More Objective Stepparents

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Women in Stepfamilies

• Accepting Partners Children
• Its really difficult to love someone elses
  children.
• Partners Children Accepting Stepmother
• A stepchild may feel the need to keep an
  emotional distance in the relationship with the
  stepmother so as not to incur the anger of the
  biological mother.

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Women in Stepfamilies

• Resenting Alimony and Child Support
• It is not unusual for a wife to become upset when
  her husband mails one-quarter or one-third of his
  income to a woman with whom he used to live.
• Her New Partner and How Her Children Accept Him
• For many remarried wives, two main concerns are
  how her new husband accepts her children and how
  her children accept him.

13
Women in Stepfamilies

• Having Another Child
• Couples with a mutual birth may tolerate more
  marital stress before considering divorce than
  couples with no mutual children.
• In spite of the decreased satisfaction with ones
  stepchildren, having a child in a second marriage
  is associated with increasing the stability of
  the relationship and reducing the probability of
  divorce.

14
Men in Stepfamilies

• Man with Children Married to a Woman without
  Children
• Men with biological children enter stepfamilies
  with an appreciation for the role of parent, some
  skills (one would hope) in reference to the role,
  and a bond with a child or children who usually
  live in another house.
• Man with Children Married to a Woman with
  Children
• The more engaged the stepfather in disciplining
  his stepchildren, the greater the level of
  reported satisfaction.

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Men in Stepfamilies

• Man without Children Married to a Woman with
  Children
• Two primary factors that contribute to a positive
  stepfather-stepchild relationship
• Active involvement in teaching the stepchild
  something mutually valued.
• An intense love relationship between the
  stepfather and the biological mother of the
  stepchild.

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Children in Stepfamilies

• Divided Loyalties, Discipline, Stepsiblings
• Other problems experienced by children in
  stepfamilies often revolve around feeling
  abandoned, having divided loyalties, discipline,
  and stepsiblings.
• Moving between Households
• Though sometimes this is a structured transition,
  it may also be a mechanism used by the child to
  manipulate the parents.

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Children in Stepfamilies

• Ambiguity of the Extended Family
• A final issue for children in stepfamilies is
  their ambiguous place in the extended family
  system of the new stepparent.

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Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies

• Acknowledge Losses and Changes
• Nurture the New Marriage Relationship
• Integrate the Stepfather into the Childs Life
• Allow Time for Relationship between Partner and
  Children to Develop

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Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies

• Have Realistic Expectations
• Accept Your Stepchildren
• Establish Your Own Family Rituals
• Decide about Money

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Developmental Tasks for Stepfamilies

• Give Parental Authority to Your Spouse
• Support Childs Relationship with Absent Parent
• Cooperate with the Childs Biological Parents and