Drafting and Revising Academic Writing

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Drafting and Revising Academic Writing

• A presentation by
• The Graduate Writing Center
• of the
• The Center for Excellence in Writing

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Drafting and Revising Academic Writing

• Instructor Rosalyn Collings Eves
• Graduate Writing Center Coordinator
• rmc216_at_psu.edu

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Goals

• To help you develop a greater sensitivity to
  audience in your writing.
• To help you develop sustainable,
  audience-centered revision techniques.
• To help you develop collaborative revision
  practices and ethics.

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About the Graduate Writing Center

• One-on-one consultations
• All types of writing
• All stages of the writing process
• To schedule, see the Centers website
• http//www.psu.edu/dept/cew/grad/gwc.htm
• Or go directly to the online schedule
• https//secure.gradsch.psu.edu/wccal/studentview.c
  fm

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Writing a First Draft

• Set intermediate or small goals.
• Write daily.
• Become familiar with conventions and jargon.
• Write an outline or use other kinds of idea
  generation.
• Freewrite
• Cluster diagram
• Outline

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Sample cluster diagram
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Sample OutlineHow do Female Physicians Balance
Work and Family?

• Introduction/Why is this study important?
• More women are working
• More physicians are women
• Issues
• Physicians (mostly males, not much literature on
  females)
• Role Conflict
• Identity Issues
• Gender Attitudes
• All working women
• Strategies
• Life
• Workplace
• Home
• Juggling
• Methods
• Results/Discussion
• Role Conflict
• Identity Issues
• Gender Attitudes

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Writing a First Draftcontd

• Dont expect perfection.
• Write what you can.
• Save any problems for later.
• Leave yourself notes.
• Write in a natural style.
• Write the introduction last.

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Writing Additional Drafts
Writing is never done. Its just due.

• Take a break.
• Print a copy to read.
• Read your draft aloud.
• Ask someone else to read your draft.

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Writing Additional Draftscontd

• Work from higher-level concerns to lower-level
  concerns.
• Find and evaluate your thesis.
• Write an abstract and compare it with your text.
• Write a scratch outline.
• OR consider post-outlining your draft.
• Look at paragraph function.
• Check for topic sentences.

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Writing Additional Draftscontd

• Keep a record of consistent problems.
• Dont rely on computer-based spell or grammar
  check.
• If time is short, concentrate on sections most
  likely to be read.

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Exercise 1 Revising for Different Audiences

• Look at the excerpts on p. 3-4 of your packet.
• Which excerpt is from which publication? How do
  you know? Note a few specific reasons

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Questions about Audience

• Who are my readers?
• What do I want them to know?
• What are my readers like? How will this influence
  their reading?
• What do they already know? What do they need to
  know?

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Revising Paragraphs

• Effective paragraphs are
• Well-developed
• Unified
• Coherent

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Revising ParagraphsStrategies for Improving
Unity

• Eliminate unrelated information.
• Add relevant information.
• Separate ideas and develop them in different
  paragraphs.
• Rewrite your topic sentence.

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Revising ParagraphsStrategies for Improving
Coherence

• Move from old to new information.
• Use stock transitional phrases.
• Use pronouns and/or recycling.
• Start sentences with short, easily understood
  phrases.

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Revising ParagraphsCoherence Example

• Which of the following paragraphs flow better?
  Why?
• A. Some astonishing questions about the nature of
  the universe have been raised by scientists
  studying black holes in space. The collapse of a
  dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a
  marble creates a Black Hole. So much matter
  compressed into so little volume changes the
  fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.
• B. Some astonishing questions about the nature of
  the universe have been raised by scientists
  studying black holes in space. A Black Hole is
  created by the collapse of a dead star into a
  point perhaps no larger than a marble. So much
  matter compressed into so little volume changes
  the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.

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Revising ParagraphsExample

• Soils represent major sinks for metals like
  cadmium that are released into the environment.
  Soil does not have an infinite capacity to absorb
  metal contaminants, and when this capacity is
  exhausted, environmental consequences are
  incurred. Contamination of soils by cadmium and
  other heavy metals has become a global concern in
  recent years because of the increasing demands of
  society for food production, waste disposal, and
  a healthier environment. The main causes of
  cadmium contamination in soils are amendment
  materials (e.g., municipal waste sludge) and
  fallout from nonferrous metal production and
  power plants.
• What problems (with development, unity, or
  coherence) can you see in this paragraph?

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Revising ParagraphsExamplecontd

• Such sources as mines, smelters, power plants,
  and municipal waste treatment facilities release
  metals into the environment. These heavy metals,
  especially cadmium, then find their way into the
  soil. The soil does not have an infinite
  capacity to absorb these metals. Instead,
  unabsorbed metals move through the soil into the
  groundwater or are extracted by crops that take
  the contamination into the food chain.
• How does this revision correct the previous
  problems?

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Exercise 2 Revising Paragraphs

• The power to create and communicate a new
  message to fit a new experience is not a
  competence animals have in their natural states.
  Their genetic code limits the number and kind of
  messages that they can communicate. Information
  about distance, direction, source, and richness
  of pollen in flowers constitutes the only
  information that can be communicated by bees, for
  example. A limited repertoire of messages
  delivered in the same way, for generation after
  generation, is characteristic of animals of the
  same species, in all significant respects.

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Revising Sentences Hierarchy

• Use subordination to emphasize information or
  demonstrate causality.
• Subordinating conjunctions after, although, as,
  as if, because, before, even if, even though, if,
  if only, rather than, since, that, though,
  unless, until, when, where, whereas, wherever,
  whether, which, while
• Example
• Although production costs have declined,
• they are still high.

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Revising SentencesHierarchy

• Avoid modifiers with unclear or missing subjects.
• Example
• After reaching northern Alaska or the Arctic
  Islands, breeding occurs in the lowlands.
• Revised After reaching northern Alaska or the
  Arctic Islands, the swans breed in the lowlands.

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Revising SentencesParallelism

• Make sure the structure of your sentence fits the
  concept.
• Use parallel structure for phrases and items in
  lists.

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Revising SentencesParallelism Example

• The valving improvements we seek will increase
  reliability, accessibility, and maintenance and
  allow application to all sizes of valves.
• Revised The valving improvements we seek will
  increase reliability and accessibility, decrease
  maintenance, and allow application to all sizes
  of valves.

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Improving Word Choice and Conciseness

• Avoid empty words
• Avoid unnecessary repetition
• Limit the use of passive voice
• Eliminate unnecessary nominalizations

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Improving Word Choice and Conciseness Some Tips

• identify empty words and unnecessary repetition.
• Circle forms of the verb to be to check for
  passive voice and nominalizations.
• Revise.
• Eliminate empty words and repetition
• Make the character the subject of the sentence.
• Replace to be with an active verb.

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Improving Word Choice and Conciseness Example

• As far as I am concerned, because of the fact
  that a situation of discrimination continues to
  exist in the field of medicine, women have not at
  the present time achieved equality with men.
• Revised Because of continuing gender
  discrimination in medicine, women have yet to
  achieve equality with men.

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Exercise 3 Revising Sentences

• Revise the sentences on p. 10 of your packet as
  necessary.
• Try one or more of the following
• 1) Identify empty words and unnecessary
  repetition.
• 2) Circle forms of the verb to be and check for
  passive voice and nominalizations.
• 3) Use transitions, subordination and parallel
  structures where appropriate.

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Revising and Getting Help Collaboratively

• Readers
• Ask questions about audience
• Look at overall argument, as well as paragraph
  and sentence structure
• Be specific with criticism and praise
• Describe the effect of the writing on you
• Writers
• Ask for clarification
• Be open to suggestions

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The End

• Thank you for coming!
• Please fill out and return your evaluation form
  as you leave.