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THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

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Title: THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION


1
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • CHAPTER 7

2
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • 1) The only child
  • 2) The first born child
  • 3) The second child
  • 4) The youngest child
  • 5) The middle child
  • 6) Generalizations
  • 7) Competition

3
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • The relationships that the child forms within
    the family contribute greatly to his personality
    development and to his transactions in the world
    outside the family.

4
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • In the family each child develops his frame of
    reference through his perceptions,
    interpretations, and evaluations of the world.
  • The knowledge, skills, and habits he acquires in
    the home determine his capacity for dealing
    effectively with all life situations.

5
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • Specific types of challenges, opportunities,
    barriers, and expectations in the family can be
    greatly influenced by the position of ones birth
    Birth Order.

6
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • The childs interactions and reactions to family
    members significantly influence his development
    he influences the members of his family as much
    as he is influenced by them.

7
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • Each child in his early relationships with other
    members of the family establishes his own
    approach to others in his effort to gain a place
    in the group.

8
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • All of the childs strivings are directed
    towards achieving or maintaining a feeling of
    security, a sense of belonging, and a certainty
    that the difficulties of life will be overcome
    from which he will emerge safely and
    victoriously.

9
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • No two children born into the same family grow
    up in the same atmosphere the family
    environment that surrounds each individual child
    varies.

10
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • Although there are children who are happy in
    their ordinal position, there are others who are
    not. How they feel will depend on the
    conclusions drawn from their experiences and
    their interpretation of them.

11
THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION
  • INTRODUCTION
  • In the life pattern of every child there is the
    imprint of his position in the family, which has
    definite characteristics. It is upon this one
    fact the childs subjective impression of his
    place within the family constellation that much
    of his future attitude towards life depends.

12
THE ONLY CHILD
  • The only child has a difficult start in life due
    to spending his entire life among persons who
    are more proficient. He usually measures himself
    by adult standards and often has high aspirations.

13
THE ONLY CHILD
  • Parents of only children tend to be more
    overprotective and constrictive, particularly
    when the parents wanted more than just one child
    but were unable to have them.

14
THE ONLY CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • The child is often pampered and enjoys his
    position as the center of interest.
  • The child may become self-centered.
  • Discord may occur in the family if the only
    child identifies most with the parent of the
    opposite sex.

15
THE ONLY CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • The child may feel insecure because of the
    anxiety of his parents who often remind him that
    you are all we have.
  • If his parents are overindulgent, the child may
    feel unfairly treated and refuse to cooperate if
    his requests are not granted.

16
THE ONLY CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • The child may be too adult centered and
    therefore, may have difficulty relating to peers.
  • The child usually accepts the values of his
    parents.

17
THE ONLY CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • The child is often conservative and serious.
  • The child is often highly ambitious and
    achievement oriented.

18
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • The first child has a precarious position in
    life. Being the oldest usually entitles him to
    the favored spot.
  • He very often is the parents most wanted child,
    and he tends to represent his parents dreams and
    ambitions.

19
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • The first child may become discouraged upon the
    birth of the 2nd child and refuse to take
    responsibility, but in general he tends to be
    responsible.

20
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • The first child may lack personal security
    because he measures himself against adult levels
    of accomplishment.
  • He may not hold up well under stress and turn to
    others for support.

21
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • This child was an only child for a period of
    time and during that time he had the undivided
    attention of his parents.
  • As a firstborn, this child feels threatened by
    the advance of the sibling that follows him. He
    must maintain the position of being first.

22
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • This child often feels as if he has been
    dethroned upon the arrival of the 2nd born,
    feeling as if his parents do not love him as much
    as they did before.
  • He sometimes strives to protect and help others
    in his struggle to keep the upper hand as the big
    brother or the big sister.

23
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • He may express death wishes or hate directed
    toward the 2nd child.
  • If the 2nd child is precocious, it may threaten
    the first childs position, particularly if the
    2nd child is a girl and the firstborn is a boy.

24
THE FIRSTBORN CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • If the first child is a girl and the 2nd child a
    boy who receives more admiration from the
    parents, the girl may draw the conclusion that
    boys are preferred, therefore developing a sense
    of inferiority. She may try to overcompensate
    through charm, cooperation, or become a tomboy in
    order to find acceptance.

25
THE SECOND CHILD
  • This child is in an uncomfortable position in
    life. Mostly he takes a steam-engine attitude,
    trying to catch up with the child in front, and
    feels as if he is under constant pressure.

26
THE SECOND CHILD
  • These children often move right past their older
    and more perfectionist-minded firstborns.
  • The parents of these children tend to be more
    relaxed, less strict, and less preoccupied with
    childrearing than occurred during the firstborn.

27
THE SECOND CHILD
  • The second child is usually more socially
    oriented. He is also apt to be more aggressive
    and competitive, quite often rejecting rules and
    regulations.

28
THE SECOND CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • This child never has his parents undivided
    attention
  • The child always has in front of him another
    child who is more advanced.
  • The child feels that the firstborn cannot be
    matched, which disputes his claim of equality.

29
THE SECOND CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • This child often acts as if he is in a race
    hyperactive and pushy.
  • If the firstborn is successful, the 2nd child is
    more likely to feel uncertain of himself and his
    abilities.
  • The child is usually opposite of the first
    child.

30
THE SECOND CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • The child may be less concerned about winning
    adult approval than about winning peer approval.
  • The child may frequently be a rebel.

31
THE MIDDLE CHILD
  • This child may have a difficult time finding his
    place in the family group and may feel neglected,
    but middle children of larger families tend to be
    more stable with fewer conflicts with other
    family members.

32
THE MIDDLE CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARATERISTICS
  • The child may feel that he has neither the
    privileges of the youngest nor the rights of the
    oldest child.
  • He may hold the conviction that people are
    unfair to him.
  • He may feel unloved.

33
THE MIDDLE CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARATERISTICS
  • He may become extremely discouraged and a
    problem child.
  • He may replace his family if they do not feel as
    if he belongs by becoming overly involved with a
    peer group.

34
THE YOUNGEST CHILD
  • The youngest child has a special place in the
    family constellation. He may become a speeder
    because he has been outdistanced and may then
    become the most successful, or most discouraged
    feeling inferior to others.

35
THE YOUNGEST CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • Gets more attention from the family
  • Gets less pressure from parents when compared to
    older siblings
  • May be punished less
  • May retain the baby role and place others in his
    service

36
THE YOUNGEST CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • Often feels like an only child
  • Usually has things done for him
  • Has most decisions made for him by others
  • May not be taken seriously

37
THE YOUNGEST CHILD
  • SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS
  • May become the boss in the family
  • Often allies himself with the first child
  • May attempt to excel and overtake his older
    siblings

38
GENERALIZATIONS
  • If there are 5 to6 years spacing between the
    birth of the children, each child may have some
    of the characteristics of an only child.
  • In such a situation there may be more than one
    family constellation

39
GENERALIZATIONS
  • The direction in life a child takes depends on
    the family values. If a male grows up in a
    highly male-oriented family and he feels inferior
    as a male, he may acquire feminine
    characteristics. Females growing up in the same
    environment may emulate the behaviors of boys.

40
GENERALIZATIONS
  • If a particular value is held by both parents,
    then every child in the family is bound to take a
    stand. Sometimes children become rebellious, and
    alter the family values to purposely defeat their
    parents.

41
COMPETITION
  • Competition accounts for the degree of
    differences between children in the same family.
    Sibling rivalry can occur even when there are no
    fights on the surface, even when children seem to
    be getting along well.

42
COMPETITION
  • There are 2 types of Sibling Rivalry
  • 1) QUANTITATIVE
  • 2) QUALITATIVE

43
COMPETITION
  • QUANTITATIVE
  • - This type of competition is found from
    children within the same family who pursue the
    same goal but who are striving to outshine the
    other.

44
COMPETITION
  • 2) QUALTITATIVE
  • - This type of competition is found in children
    who stay out of the areas in which their siblings
    are successful. Each child strives to be
    successful in their own area.

45
COMPETITION
  • - As each member strives for his own place
    within the group, the competing opponents watch
    each other carefully to see the ways and means by
    which the opponent succeeds or fails.
  • - Where one succeeds, the other gives up where
    one shows weaknesses the other steps in.

46
SUMMARY
  • While Adler and Dreikurs believed in the
    concept and related theories of birth order, both
    realized that each child and family member is
    distinctly different and could not always be
    explained by the order in which he was born.
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