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Chapter Eight

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Men and women differ in reported attempts to make their partner jealous. Managing Jealousy ... Making Love Last: From Passion to Intimacy ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Chapter Eight


1
Chapter Eight
  • Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships

2
Love
  • Exists in all cultures
  • Exists in all ethnic groups
  • Exists in all orientations
  • Dual nature
  • Feeling
  • Activity

3
Communication
  • Connects sexuality and intimacy
  • Sexual communication is tied to sexual
    satisfaction
  • Sexual communication is unique

4
Friendship and Love
  • Friendship is a strong foundation for strong love
    relationships
  • Difference between friends and lovers
  • Marriage

5
Love and Sexuality
  • Sexuality and love are intimately related in our
    culture
  • Our language connects love and sex
  • Sexual satisfaction is tied to relationship
    satisfaction
  • Level of intimacy and relationship duration are
    correlated with the decision to engage in sexual
    activity
  • Cultural environment and physical environment

6
Sex Outside of Committed Relationships
  • Young adult sex outside of marriage is now the
    norm
  • Values in America have shifted
  • Change is due to
  • Contraception and abortion
  • Redefined gender roles
  • Alterations in demographics

7
Men, Women, Sex, and Love
  • Men separate sex and love more than women
  • Heterosexual men
  • Gay men
  • Women value sex in the context of a relationship
  • Lesbians share sex less than heterosexual couples
    of gay men

8
Love Without Sex
  • Celibacy or asexuality
  • A purposeful choice rather than a sexual problem
  • 4 men and 14 women
  • Emphasis on friendship and other relationship
    qualities

9
Styles of Love Lee
  • Eros love of beauty
  • Mania obsessive love
  • Ludus playful love
  • Storge companionate love
  • Agape altruistic love
  • Pragma practical love

10
The Triangular Theory of Love
  • Theory developed by Robert Sternberg
  • Emphasizes the dynamic quality of love
    relationships
  • Intimacy
  • Passion Commitment

11
The Components of Love Ten Signs of Intimacy
  • Wanting to promote your partners welfare
  • Feeling happiness with your partner
  • Holding your partner in high regard
  • Being able to count on your partner in time of
    need
  • Being able to understand each other

12
The Components of Love (cont.)
  • Sharing yourself and your possessions with your
    partner
  • Receiving emotional support from your partner
  • Giving emotional support to your partner
  • Being able to communicate with your partner about
    intimate things
  • Valuing partners presence in your life

13
Kinds of Love Sternberg
  • Liking
  • Intimacy only
  • Infatuation
  • Passion only
  • Romantic Love
  • Intimacy and passion
  • Companionate Love
  • Intimacy and commitment
  • Fatuous Love
  • Passion and commitment
  • Consummate love
  • Intimacy, passion, and commitment
  • Empty love
  • Commitment only
  • Nonlove
  • Absence of all three

14
Infant-Caregiver Attachment
  • Attachment
  • Bond depends on attachment objects
    responsiveness
  • Infant happier in attachment object presence
  • Shares discoveries with attachment object. Coos,
    talks baby talk
  • Feeling of oneness with attachment object
  • Romantic love
  • Feelings are related to lovers interest
  • Happier when lover is present
  • Shares experiences with lover
  • Lovers coo, talk baby talk
  • Feeling of oneness with lover

15
Components of Attachment
  • Attachment style endures across ones life
  • Depends upon security and safety
  • Open acceptance and honesty

16
Types of Attachment
  • Secure attachments
  • Find it relatively easy to get close to other
    people
  • Anxious/ambivalent attachment
  • Believe that other people didnt get as close as
    they themselves wanted
  • Avoidant attachments
  • Feel discomfort being close to other people

17
Unrequited Love
  • Love is not returned
  • Causes distress to all involved
  • Perspectives differ between the people who offer
    love and those who do not reciprocate

18
Jealousy
  • Jealousy does not prove the existence of love
  • Jealousy and love are not necessarily companions
  • Jealousy is painful
  • Jealousy can destroy or cement a relationship
  • Jealously is linked to violence

19
Jealousy
  • Aversive response to a real or imagined
    involvement with a third person
  • Painful experience
  • Absence may indicate relationship problems
  • Occurs where there are commitments in a
    relationship
  • Men and women differ in reported attempts to make
    their partner jealous

20
Managing Jealousy
  • Jealousy can be unreasonable or realistic
  • Dealing with irrational suspicions can be
    difficult
  • Can work on underlying causes of our insecurity
  • If jealousy is well-founded, relationship may
    need to be modified or ended
  • Jealousy can be the catalyst for change

21
Extramarital Sex
  • Exists in dating, cohabiting, and marital
    relationships
  • Extramarital sex in exclusive marriages is
    related to three factors
  • Stronger sexual interests
  • More permissive sexual values
  • Greater sexual opportunities
  • Weaker marital relationships

22
Making Love Last From Passion to Intimacy
  • Intimate love Each person knows they can count
    on the other
  • Commitment Based on conscious choices rather
    than transitory feelings
  • Caring Involves making another persons needs
    as important as your own
  • Self-disclosure Revealing ourselvesour hopes,
    our fears, our everyday thoughts to deepen
    understanding and intimacy

23
The Nature of Communication
  • Communication a transactional process
  • Involves conveying symbols, words, gestures,
    movements
  • Goal of establishing human contact, exchanging
    information, and reinforcing or changing
    attitudes and behaviors

24
Contexts of Communication
  • Cultural context
  • the language, values, beliefs, and customs in
    which communication takes place
  • Social context
  • the roles we play in society
  • Psychological context
  • how people communicate based on their
    personalities

25
Nonverbal Communication
  • The ability to correctly interpret nonverbal
    communication is important in relationships
  • Most of our feeling communication is nonverbal
  • 3 important factors
  • Proximity nearness in physical space
  • Eye contact a symbol of interest
  • Touching signals intimacy, closeness

26
Sexual Communication
  • Our interpersonal sexual scripts provide us with
    instructions on how to behave sexually
  • In beginning relationships
  • Halo effect
  • Interest and opening lines
  • In some cases establishing sexual orientation
  • First move and beyond
  • Directing sexual activity

27
Sexual Communication (Cont.)
  • In established relationships
  • initiating sexual activity
  • For heterosexuals men typically initiate more
    often
  • In same-sex relationships typically the more
    emotionally expressive partner initiates

28
Gender Differences in Partner Communication
  • Women send clearer messages to their partners
    than do men
  • Men more than women tend to send negative
    messages or withdraw
  • Women tend to set the emotional tone of an
    argument
  • Women tend to use more qualifiers in their style
    of speaking

29
Developing Communication Skills
  • Talking about sex
  • Keys to good communication
  • Self disclosure
  • Trust
  • Feedback

30
Conflict and Intimacy
  • Conflict is natural in intimate relationships
  • A lack of arguing can signal trouble in a
    relationship
  • Conflict isnt dangerous its the manner in
    which it is handled that can hurt or help
    relationship

31
Conflicts about Sex
  • Fighting about sex
  • Can result from a disagreement about sex
  • Can also be used as a scapegoat for nonsexual
    problems
  • Can be a cover-up for deeper feelings such as
    inadequacy
  • Its hard to tell during a fight if there are
    deeper causes

32
Conflict Resolution
  • The way couples deal with conflict reflects and
    contributes to their happiness
  • Strategies for conflict resolution
  • Negotiating conflicts
  • Bargaining
  • Coexistence

33
Summary
  • Love and sexuality
  • Approaches and attitudes related to love
  • Jealousy
  • Sexual communication
  • Developing communication skills
  • Conflict and intimacy
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