How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
4. Enduring or Entrapping Add up the I want you
characteristics of your commitment and compare
them with the I dont want to lose you
characteristicswhich one has a greater influence
in your relationship? By how much?
5. Living Together Practicing Marriage or
Practicing Divorce?
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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1. Two Types of Sex

• Relational Sex typically involves two people
  who are attracted to each other, build a
  relationship, and become sexually involved within
  that relationship
• Recreational Sex or hooking up. This trend is
  based on the belief that sex does not have to
  only occur in relationshipsit can also be a fun
  and pleasurable activity of simply being single
• This requires no commitment beyond the sexual
  encounter
• This practice is based on the belief that sex can
  take place without any emotional involvement

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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STDs are Common HIV 900,000 Americans (NIAID,
quarter are unaware) AIDS 900,000 Americans
(NIAID, quarter are unaware) Genital herpes 67
million people (NIAID) Human Papillomavirus 20
million Americans currently infected (NIAID CDC
2001) Cytomegalovirus 50 approximately almost
half of young adults (NIAID) Bacterial
vaginosis 16 of pregnant women (DSTD)
Hepatitis B estimated 1.5 million HBV carriers
in the U.S. (NWHIC) 417,000 people currently
infected (CDC 2001)
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
2. Sex is more than physical

• a) Sex is always relational
• This is true for MEN and WOMEN
• You cannot separate your body from the rest of
  who you are sex and self are inextricably linked

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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• b) Sex intensifies your experience of closeness,
  whether in a committed relationship or not.
• What does the research say?
• After sex, couples reported a stronger desire to
  open up and feel closer along with an equally
  strong feeling of being vulnerable to getting
  hurt. (Metts, 2004).

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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• When sex occurred before certain shows of love
  and desire had been expressed, couples reported
  higher degrees of uneasiness, vulnerability, and
  mistrust (Metts, 2004).

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
3. Do You Do as You Believe?

• The things I do in my relationships today will
  affect my future marriage
• 83 of people on a national survey agreed
• However, when interviewed, their actions
  contradicted this belief
• When you dont practice what you believe, you end
  up resolving the tension by changing those very
  beliefs, clouding them with rationalizations.

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Session Five
The choices you make today will shape the beliefs
you hold tomorrow.
That which can greatly enhance and enrich a
marital relationship can just as greatly delude
and deceive a premarital relationship.
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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4.
Living for the Present While Risking Your Future
Waiting in Dating Can Improve Sex in Marriage
a) Research found that those who waited until
marriage had a heightened, long-lasting love and
romance in their future marriage (Cunningham
Antill, 1981). b) More premarital sex fewer
lasting marriages (Teachman, 2003). c) More
premarital sex fewer faithful marriages (White,
et al., 2000).

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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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5.
Living for the Present While Overlooking Your
Future Waiting in Dating Can Improve Your
Judgment
The values you use influence the partner you
choose
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Putting The Cart Before The Horse
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What do you gain from pacing your sexual
involvement?

• You will pick better partners (Simpson
  Gangestad).
• b) Your can better prepare for sex in marriage.
  Your sex life before marriage does not predict
  your sex life in marriage.
• c) Change your present perspective and change
  what you think and do, and you can change your
  future.