1
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't
they come from your desires that battle within
you? NIV James 41
2
What is conflict?

• Conflict is a crisis that forces us to recognize
  explicitly that we live with multiple realities
• these realities are contrasting stories
• and we must negotiate a common reality
• and we must create together a single shared story
  
• with a role for each of us, or both

3
Why are there fights divisions?

• The world is not divided on the basis of
  tribe/ethnicity, sex, education, colour, rich, or
  poor. But on our spirituality which, is human
  nature.
• Alexander Solzhenitsyn
• 
  

4
Is there HOPE?

• For the world???
• For you??
• For Country?
• Is Reconciliation possible?
• Is Peace Possible?

5
History !!!!!!!!

• a reality you cannot un-live (History of Ireland
  is critical
• Someone called Maya Angelo has forseen this
  situation and said,
• History with its wrenching pain cannot be
  unlived, but faced with courage we do need to
  live it again.
• But the question still remains is there hope??

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Is this possible?
7
What is the Problem?

• What is wrong with the world? (Survey in a
  paper)
• You ask what is wrong with the world? I AM
• Cf. Doctor to sick lady Do you really want to
  know?
• Drink water
• The problem is our spirituality or lack of it.

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What is the solution????

• Jeremiah 179-10
• V9 The heart is deceitful above all things and,
  , IT IS BEYOND CURE
• Bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, forms
  of malice (Eph.431, Mark 721)
• These Sicknesses control the mind body and
  spirit. It is not surprising that depression,
  ulcers, migraine etc. etc. are rampant.

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St. Augustine

• The heart is restless, it will be so until it
  finds God
• Mankind suffers from the trauma life generates

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One of the Solutions

• the human response to pain inflicted unfairly
• What do you see when you look at the offender?
  Who hurt you? Who killed your relatives?

11
Do you Deal with the problem? or with the
person?

• Learn to identify the difference
• Most times it depends on the lens we use when we
  see the person who did wrong.
• Depending on the lens the person changes
  appearance.

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Dependent on the Lens(Dependent on the hurt we)
see

• A murderer,
• A thief,
• A rapist,
• .

13

• We See the human being transformed into the
  problem, NO DIFFERENCE
• THE PERSON BECOMES THE PROBLEM.
• A very good recipe for revenge
• Can we heal from the sickness that leads us to
  revenge??
• Can we reconcile??

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Is this possible?
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No development without Reconciliation

• No reconciliation without forgiveness

16
Two genuine options in response to the injury we
did not deserve

• I. Vengeance
• II. Forgiving
• This is in effect necessary otherwise we are in
  denial, thinking/pretending
• it never happened,
• Forgetting
• trying to explain away the consequences of what
  happened long ago.

17

• Vengeance is the only alternative to forgiving
• it is the passion to get even
• The personal deep passionate satisfaction to see
  the offender also is hurt or hurting

18

• Wanting him to suffer / pay more than he
  inflicted on me,
• The scales are always unbalanced
• It never is fair
• You are always the victim.

19
3 phases of experiences

• Original pain
• Memory phase
• Vengence phase

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Forgiveness is the only alternative to Vengeance

• To be fair to oneself e.g.
• The lady whose husband got assassinated
• the lady (who saw her family burned alive)
• The colonel who joined the army for revenge.

21
Forgiveness? Healing ??

• are Intertwined,
• Without Forgiveness, there is no healing and
  without healing there Is no forgiveness
• It Is like the Chicken and egg dilemma, which
  comes first?
• THIS IS A PROCESS WHICH IS UNDER THE DIRECT
  CONTROL OF THE HOLY SPIRIT there is no quick
  fix

22
Moving towards Reconciliation

• Reconciliation cannot be achieved UNLESS
• the offended is free to forgive
• Forgiveness is not possible while the
  heart is still in PAIN
• SO HEALING IS NECESSARY for TRUE RECONCILIATION
• HEALING is a PROCESS

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So what shall we do?

• How can we make a difference?
• How can we bring about reconciliation?

24
Seek _at_ other Where is your
brother?1. UNITY???

• Mark Chapter 21-12
• Lords Prayer for Unity John 17
• The Dying Child

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Seek _at_ other Where is your brother?2.
DIALOGUE???

• Let there be trusted Wise men if arbitration
  becomes necessary
• Allow free listening opportunities providing
  confidence and secure room to tell the truth as
  it is.
• Why people have done/behaved as they did.

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• It will take time. Be patient with one
  another.
• Not to accuse _at_other. But tell ones story.
• Our humanity will be prevailing
• Repentance Forgiveness are then possible
• Cf. S.A. Experience

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3. Dream together of the kind of country you
envisage

• If we cannot learn to live together as brothers
  and sisters we will die as foolish enemies.
• M. Luther

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Who needs to be involved?4. MOBILIZATION

• a) All concerned in the conflict democratic
  principles
• b) All leaders bring to roundtable
• c) Media (information is power but be wary of the
  media.)

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DEMANDS OF RECONCILIATION

• 1. It is a journey
• Away from conflict
• Towards reconciliation
• CASE STUDIES
• Remember Jacob and Esau
• Abraham and Lot

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• 2. Boldness and risk
• Dealing with fear, pride etc
• Dealing with justice
• Dealing with the ones in conflict
• Eph. 431

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• Reference Points
• HISTORY (Genocide 72 or 93?) Unfortunately
  most is chaos, violence, and war
• BUT MUST TRUTHFULLY BE REVEALED, CONFESSED, AND
• WE NEED TO SHOW REMORSE (Whenever possible) FOR
  RECONCILIATION

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• 4. Truth and readiness to listen

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5. Dialogue leads to accepting the truth

• Taking responsibility
• Confession/ Forgiveness
• Fertile ground to agree even to differ
• This is the basis for TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION
  COMMISSION

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6.Also basis 4 Movement from

• Demands to,
• Positions, and eventually
• Needs that requires us to come to
• NEGOTIATIONS?

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7. NEGOTIATIONS

• LEADS TO
• YOU AND ME TOGETHER, US, n WE
• WIN WIN ALL WIN
• NEITHER NOR NONE
• JOHN 17 1ff
• they
• them
• those
• ALL

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NEGOTIATIONS

• Has two main approaches
• 1. Positional
• bargaining 4 ones success. This leads to W
  I N - L O O S E concept
• 2. Principled
• this bases on
• the merits of the situation
• the benefits 4 _at_other
• the dignity of humanity,

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Three Characteristics of Principled negotiations

• Seperates people from the problem.
• Focuses on Interests and not positions
• Interests Needs, desires, fears, vs
• Positions I must., I should., Imposition of
  ideas, ones ways, or even using force or
  authority.
• Options (alternatives) 4 mutual gain.

38
No development without Reconciliation

• Unless we define what development really is!!!
• Is it increased/excessive welfare/well-being of
  the haves at the expense of the have-nots???