Loneliness, Relationships, and Wellbeing

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Loneliness, Relationships, and Well-being
Lecture 13July 31, 2007
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Relationships and the Internet

• Does the internet enhance and/or interfere with
  social life?
• Does the internet create a lonely crowd in
  cyberspace?
• Or does it help people build their social capital
  and enhance their social networks?

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Relationships and the Internet

• Social life over the internet
• Email and instant messaging
• Social networking interfaces (MySpace,
  Facebook)
• On-line dating
• Support groups
• Chat groups, news groups

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Relationships and the Internet

• Does internet use reduce social contact and
  impair successful social relating?
• Extremely controversial area of research
• Kraut et al. (1998)
• Pittsburgh families
• Gave computer and internet access
• Two years later, higher use was associated with
  increases in depression and loneliness

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Relationships and the Internet

• Initial study received much media attention
• Kraut et al. (2002)
• Later follow-up of the same sample found that
  the pattern reversed
• Greater use was associated with better adjustment
  and more time in face-to-face contact with
  friends and family

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Relationships and the Internet

• Review by Bargh McKenna (2004)
• Several national surveys find that internet users
  are no less likely than nonusers to visit or call
  friends
• Some find that internet users actually have
  larger social networks
• Allows people to stay in touch with friends and
  family and in many cases extend their social
  networks

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Relationships and the Internet

• But isnt time limited?
• Does time on the internet take away timefrom
  friends and family?
• High internet use leads to substantial reduction
  in time watching TV and reading newspapers
• No evidence that it leads to less social
  interaction with friends and family

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Relationships and the Internet

• How is communication over the internet different
  from face-to-face communication?
• Fewer paralinguistic and non-verbal cues
• Can lead to misunderstandings
• Communication is less immediate (with the
  exception of IM)
• Delays in responding can lead to misunderstandings

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Relationships and the Internet

• How is communication over the internet different
  from face-to-face communication?
• Fewer cues related to appearance
• Can reduce biases related to physical
  attractiveness, race, and age
• We have more control over the message (take our
  time, consider what we want to say, edit)

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Relationships and the Internet

• How is communication over the internet different
  from face-to-face communication?
• Relative anonymity
• People more willing to reveal intimate
  information
• Shy or socially anxious people feel more
  comfortable interacting over the internet
• Can also lead to misinformation people can
  exaggerate or misrepresent themselves

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Relationships and the Internet

• Can an on-line relationship be the same as a
  face-to-face (FTF) relationship?
• Yes and No
• On-line relationships can develop in the same
  manner as FTF relationships, and they can be
  perceived to be close and intimate
• But, eventually, in order to progress, the
  relationship must move to FTF realm
• Almost all go from On-line ? Telephone ? FTF

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Relationships and the Internet

• Can the internet facilitate liking and
  relationship formation?
• McKenna et al. (2002) Bargh et al. (2002)
• Pairs of same-sex college students met either in
  an internet chat room or FTF
• Those who met first on the internet liked each
  other more than those who first met FTF (even
  though it was the same partner both times!)

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Relationships and the Internet

• How can we explain the findings?
• People were better able to express their true
  selves to their partner over the internet
• True self those aspects of the self that people
  felt were important but which they were usually
  unable to present in public
• When internet partners liked each other, they
  tended (more than the FTF group) to project
  qualities of their ideal friends onto each other

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Relationships and the Internet

• Relative anonymity can reduce the risks inherent
  in self-disclosure
• Internet makes talking to strangers easier
• The fundamental goal of many internet venues is
  to form new social connections, new relationships

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Relationships and the Internet

• Membership in newsgroups, discussion groups, and
  support groups can be an important part of social
  identity
• Shared interests and values contribute to
  feelings of social integration and inclusion
• Relative anonymity provides safe venue to share
  and discuss aspects of ones identity

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Relationships and the Internet

• Coping with stigma
• Individuals with stigmatized identities (e.g.,
  gay or lesbian, mental illness, AIDS) can find
  support anda sense of positive social identity
  that may not be possible (or safe) in real life

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Relationships and the Internet

• Internet available to everyone, even those with
  illnesses or disability that limit physical
  mobility
• Wright (2002)
• Survey of older adults
• Greater use of SeniorNet and other on-line
  support networks for the elderly were associated
  with lower perceived life stress

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Relationships and the Internet

• In summary, research suggests that the internet
  can play an important role in..
• Maintaining relationships
• Facilitating new relationships
• Providing support and sense of community

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Relationships and the Internet

• Of course, misuses can also occur, just as they
  can occur in face-to-face interactions
• Sense of intimacy can cause people to be too
  trusting
• Always be cautious about sharing personal
  information
• Always be cautious when having FTF meetings with
  friends met on the internet
• Individuals who are lonely or socially isolated
  may be especially vulnerable to exploitation

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Loneliness

• What is loneliness?
• A feeling of deprivation and dissatisfaction that
  emerges from a discrepancy between the kind of
  social relations we want and the kind we have.
• Two forms of loneliness
• Social isolation lacking a social network of
  friends and acquaintances
• Emotional isolation lacking one or more
  emotionally intimate relationships

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Loneliness

• What is loneliness?
• Thus, loneliness depends on both our perceptions
  and our desires
• A mismatch between the amount of intimacywe want
  and the amount we have
• If we lack the kind of relationship we desire, we
  can be lonely despite having other rewarding
  social interactions.

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Loneliness

• UCLA Loneliness Scale
• Isolation from others
• How often do you feel alone?
• Lack of close connection to others
• How often do you feel that no one really knows
  you well?
• Too little social connection with others
• How often do you feel that there is no one you
  can turn to?

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Loneliness

• Does loneliness matter?
• Loneliness associated with a variety of negative
  consequences
• Running away from home
• Crime and delinquency
• Poor grades school dropout
• Sleep disturbances
• Poor mental health
• Poor physical health

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Loneliness

• Does loneliness matter?
• Laboratory and field research with college
  students (Cacioppo colleagues) finds that
  lonely people have
• higher blood pressure
• higher levels of cortisol (stress hormone)
• weaker immune system functioning

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Loneliness

• Loneliness can be a situational state
• most people have felt lonely at some point
• dislocation, being too far from home
• forced isolation (by being hospitalized or
  housebound)
• being unattached and having no partner

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Loneliness

• Loneliness can be a chronic state
• some people feel lonely much of the time
• alienation, feeling different, feeling
  misunderstood
• Linked to
• Low self-esteem
• Negative attitudes toward others
• Poor social skills

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Loneliness

• Coping effectively with loneliness
• Improve your social relations
• Avoid being pessimistic and passive. Consider
  that going to social gatherings offers more
  benefits than risks.
• Look for situational influences instead of
  blaming yourself.
• Watch out for sour attitudes, stay positive
• Concentrate on solid friendships instead of
  seeking a romantic soul mate.

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Loneliness

• Coping effectively with loneliness
• Enjoy your solitude, immerse yourself in
  activities that you enjoy for their own sake
• Learn to take good care of yourself, know that
  you need not always depend on others to make you
  happy

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Loneliness

• Coping with loneliness
• Being comfortably alone is not a barrier to
  intimate ties, but can enhance our capacity to
  develop happy relationships with others
• Use time alone to develop and understanding of
  your own needs, feelings, and perspectives on
  life
• Better self-knowledge can lead to more realistic,
  accepting, and loving relationships with others

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Being Single

• Being single does not mean being alone!
• Bella DePaulo Singled Out (2006)
• Debunks 10 myths about being single
• Single people are not miserable and alone
• Single people are not depressed and unhappy (and
  married people are not blissfully happy)
• Single people are not selfish and egotistical

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Being Single

• American society over-emphasizes coupling
• Matrimania
• Obsession with marriage as the ultimate personal
  goal and the key to complete fulfillment
• The problem with soul mates
• We want our mates to fulfill every need, every
  empty space, we want a sex-and-everything-else
  partner

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Being Single

• By overemphasizing coupling
• We miss out on other important life pursuits
  that create a sense of meaning and life
  satisfaction
• We place too great a burden on our partners to
  make us happy, we create an impossible standard
  to meet, we set the stage for disappointment

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Being Single

• By overemphasizing coupling
• We fail to cultivate and maintain relationships
  with friends, neighbors, siblings (siblings
  will be our longest relationship partners!)
• We miss out on other important close
  relationships that fulfill us and sustain us
  throughout our lives

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Being Single

• Cutrona (1982) Study of college freshman
• Those who were looking only for romance tended
  to stay lonely all year
• Those who placed greater emphasis on just forming
  new friendships became less lonely as the school
  year progressed

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Being Happy in The Long Run

• Pursue your true love
• Pursue relationships with friends, family, and
  community
• Pursue other passions that add meaningto your
  life