DARE TO REVISE

1
DARE TO REVISE

• Make Your Writing Easy to Read
• A Partial Overview of Chapter 15

2
Remember These

• WIRMI(What I Really Mean Is)
• KISS (Keep It Simple Smartly)
• DARE (Delete, Add, Rearrange, Edit)

3
Different Levels of Style
4
Different Levels of Style
5
Half-Truths About Style

• Write as you talk.
• Never use I.
• Never begin a sentence with And or But.
• Never end a sentence with a preposition.
• Big words impress people.

6
Use Accurate, Appropriate and Familiar Words

• Accurate words mean what you want to say.
• Appropriate words convey the attitudes you want
  and fit well with other words in your document.
• Familiar words are easy to read and understand.

7
Eliminate Business Jargon

• Example One
• Jargon Foot the average monthly budget column
  down to Total Variable Costs, Total Management
  Fixed Costs, Total Sunk Costs, and Grand Total.
• Better Add the Figures in the average monthly
  budget column for each category to determine the
  Total Variable Costs, the Total Management Fixed
  Costs, and the Total Sunk Costs. Then add the
  totals for each category to arrive at the Grand
  Total.

8
Eliminate Business Jargon

• Example Two
• Jargon Additional parameters for price
  exception reporting were established for nonstock
  labor buy costs.
• Better We decided to include nonstock labor
  buys of over _____ in the price exception report.

9
Eliminate Businessese Jargon
10
Do the following

• Read your proposal out loud to someone sitting
  three feet away. If the words sound stiff, they
  will sound stiff to the reader.
• Ask someone to read your draft out loud. The
  places where someone stumbles is where your
  writing could be better.

11
Use Active Verbs

• Active
• The customer received 500 widgets.
• I recommend this action.
• The state agencies will implement the program.

• Passive
• Five hundred widgets were received by the
  customer.
• This method is recommended by me.
• The program will be implemented by the state
  agencies.

12
Change Passive to Active

• Active
• The plant manager approved the request.
• The committee will decide next month.
• You Send the customer a letter informing her
  about the change.

• Passive
• The request was approved by the ltplant manager.gt
• A decision will be made next month. No agent in
  sentence.
• A letter will be sent informing the customer of
  the change. No agent in the sentence

13
Three Disadvantages of Passive Verbs

• Makes sentences longer.
• Unclear who is doing action.
• Makes writing boring and pompous.

14
Use Passive Verbs when

• Use passives to emphasize object receiving
  action.
• Your order was shipped November 15.
• Use passives to provide coherence within a
  paragraph.
• The bank made several risky loans in the late
  1990s. These loans were written off as
  uncollectible in 2001.
• Use passives to avoid assigning blame.
• The order was damaged during shipment.

15
Use Verbs to Carry the Weight

• Revise sentences to use more forceful verbs
• Weak The financial advantage of owning this
  equipment instead of leasing it is 10 after
  taxes.
• Better Owning this equipment rather than leasing
  it will save us 10 after taxes.
• Weak We will perform an investigation of the
  problem.
• Better We will investigate the problem.
• Weak Selection of a program should be based on
  the clients needs.
• Better Select the program that best fits the
  clients needs.

16
Revise Nouns to Verbs

• Make an adjustment
• Make a payment
• Make a decision
• Reach a conclusion
• Take into consideration
• Make a referral
• Provide assistance

• Adjust
• Pay
• Decide
• Conclude
• Consider
• Refer
• Assist

17
Do the following

• Go through and circle all verbs. Transform your
  writing from noun-based to verb-based prose.
• Moreover, does your first section answer in one
  sentence the purpose of your proposal?
• Is your audience clearly stated?