Caution to Teachers

1
Caution to Teachers!

• During the presentation of the following
  materials, students may disclose information to
  teachers about a particular dating violence issue
  they or someone else might be experiencing.
• Teachers should respond to these disclosures by
• Supporting the student for making the decision
  to talk about the issue of dating violence /
  sexual assault.
• Referring the student to the appropriate
  resource to discuss this issue.
• A good example of a response to a student
  disclosure Im so glad that you have decided to
  talk about this. Let me give you the number of
  _____(resource). They know what youve been
  going through and are trained to help you with
  this.
• Appropriate resources include school counselors,
  local domestic violence or rape crisis centers,
  the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, or
  another entity trained to deal with issues
  involving dating violence or sexual assault.
• This toolkit provides Helpline referral cards and
  directories of local community resources in the
  state of Texas. You may also access this
  information online at www.tcfv.org or
  www.taasa.org.
• It is helpful to have referrals identified before
  presentation of this material. If you plan to
  refer to the school counselor, make sure that
  this resource is prepared and has the appropriate
  time to respond to these disclosures.

2
Day 1

• Overview of Weeks Activities
• Discuss dating violence and the many forms it
  takes
• Defines the roles of abuser, target, and
  bystander
• Explore how bystanders can help
• Conclusion

3
Policies/Procedures/Ground Rules
4
Overview of Weeks Activities

• Today Identifying Dating Violence, Roles of
  Abusers, Victims and Bystanders, How to Help a
  Friend, Part 1
• Day 2 Real-Life Stories, Understanding Dating
  Violence
• Day 3 How to Help a Friend, Part II
• Day 4 Preventing Dating Violence, Part I
• Day 5 Preventing Dating Violence, Part II

5
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• Class Reading I Thought Things Would Change
  excerpt
• What do you think this excerpt is about?
• What do you think of when you hear or see teen
  dating violence?
• What are some examples of dating violence
  behaviors?

6
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• Women are not the only ones that experience
  dating violence
• Men experience dating violence
• Dating violence affects people of all races,
  religions, cultures, and sexual orientations
• How much money you have or the neighborhood you
  live in does not protect you from dating
  violence!!

7
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• Questions from I Thought Things Would Change
• What forms of dating violence did Adaliz
  experience?
• How did Adaliz feel when Richard was being
  abusive to her?
• How does being abused by Richard affect Adalizs
  day-to-day life? What evidence of this can you
  find in the text?

8
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• Dating violence is NEVER the fault of the person
  who is being abused. Nothing this person says,
  does, or wears caused the abuse or gives anyone
  the right to hurt her or him.

9
Define the Roles

• In dating relationships that involve violence
  and/or abuse, people fall into three categories
• Abuser
• Target
• Bystander

10
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• Abusers use physical, sexual, and
  verbal/emotional abuse to control their partners
  in relationships.
• Abuse gets worse over time.
• Target often feels like he/she has to stay in
  relationship.

11
Dating Violence and the Many Forms it Takes

• What are the effects of dating violence on the
  person who experiences the violence/abuse?

12
Define the RolesAbuser, Target, Bystander

• Think back to I Thought Things Would Change
  Excerpt
• Who is/are the abuser(s)?
• Who is/are the target(s)?
• Who is/are the bystander(s)?

13
How Can Bystanders Help?

• Who could be a bystander to teen dating violence?

14
How Can Bystanders Help?

• What could you do to help a friend or family
  member who was being abused by someone he or she
  was dating?

15
Activity Write a Letter to Adaliz (Handout)

• Directions
• Imagine that you are a friend or relative of
  Adaliz and that you knew that Richard was abusing
  her. Work with a partner to write a letter to
  Adaliz in which you reach out to help her. As
  you write, keep in mind the suggestions that are
  listed in the handout.

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Conclusion

• Dating violence is a serious problem that affects
  everyone involved (abusers, targets, and
  bystanders).

• Now that we know a little about what forms dating
  violence can take, we will explore how someone
  can become trapped in the pattern of abuse in a
  dating relationship and what to do to seek help.

• We care about dating violence and are here to
  help you or someone you know in an abusive dating
  relationship. Please talk to me, a school
  counselor, or the trained advocates at the
  National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH) after
  class if you have any questions or just want to
  chat.
• NTDAH Toll-Free Number 1-866-331-9474
• NTDAH Website www.loveisrespect.org

17
Day 2 Real-Life Stories, Understanding Dating
Violence

• Watch video Causing Pain
• Video Discussion

18
Understanding Dating Violence Discussion

• How would you define dating abuse?
• Note Relationship abuse can mean the same
  thing as dating abuse.
• Dating abuse is not limited to punching or
  hitting. It can also include unwanted sexual
  advances, domineering or controlling behaviors,
  yelling or screaming, or emotional abuse such as
  threats, malicious or hurtful rumors, and insults.

19
How Big is This Issue?

• Have you ever seen or heard about an abusive
  dating relationship?
• How common is dating abuse amongst teens in your
  age group?

20
How It Starts

• According to the victims in the video, how does
  abusive behavior start in a relationship?

21
How It Starts

• How do you feel about these behaviors? Are they
  acceptable? Does this feel okay?

22
How Abuse Progresses

• Identify examples of how abusive relationships
  progress from the video.

23
How Abuse Feels

• What feelings did the victims in the video report
  while they were in abusive relationships?
• One of the girls in the video mentioned that if
  youre mentally abused, then that can shoot you
  down just as much as a fist could. What do you
  think she meant when stating that?
• How can mental abuse be as crippling as physical
  abuse?

24
How the Abuser Acts

• What types of behaviors were committed by the
  abusers in the video?
• Why do you think the abusers behaved the way they
  did? Are the abusers actions justified?
• What did the abuser seem to gain from the
  negative behavior?
• Do you think these feelings of power stayed with
  the abusers beyond the abuse?

25
How to Recognize Abuse

• According to the video, what are signs of abuse?
• What other signs might indicate an abusive
  relationship?

26
How to Prevent Abuse

• What did the victims say about how to prevent or
  stop an abusive relationship?
• What are other things that students can do to
  stop or prevent an abusive relationship?
• Would you do anything if you witnessed some form
  of abuse?

27

• Remember, we care about dating violence and are
  here to help you or someone you know in an
  abusive dating relationship. Please talk to me,
  a school counselor, or the trained advocates at
  the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH)
  after class if you have any questions or just
  want to chat.
• NTDAH Toll-Free Number 1-866-331-9474
• NTDAH Website www.loveisrespect.org

28
Day 3 How to Help a Friend, Part II

• Explore what teens in hurtful dating
  relationships can do to increase their well-being
• Identify strategies for reaching out to a friend
  or family member who is hurting a partner
• Causing Pain example of difficulty ending an
  abusive relationship

29
What Can Teens in Abusive Dating Relationships Do
to Increase Their Safety?

• Ending an abusive dating relationship can be
  difficult. A young person may leave his or her
  partner several times, then get back together
  again, before leaving for the final time.
• Increasing Your Safety in an Abusive Dating
  Relationship
• Even when someone is planning to end or has
  already ended an abusive relationship, he or she
  should continue to use these precautions in case
  the abuser attempts to commit additional
  violence.

30
Strategies For Reaching Out to a Friend or Family
Member Who is Abusing a Partner

• You may know someone who is being abusive to a
  partner.
• Abusers often use excuses to rationalize their
  behavior. What are examples of excuses that
  abusers may use?

31
Handout Reaching Out to a Friend Who is Abusing
Someone

• Activity Directions
• In your small group, complete the dialogue
  between Ethan and Jimmy, using the tips listed in
  the handout for reaching out to a friend who is
  an abuser.

32
Homework

• Bring in materials (from magazines, books, TV
  clips, etc) that help shape our perception of
  dating violence. We will critique these messages
  in our next session.

33

• Remember, we care about dating violence and are
  here to help you or someone you know in an
  abusive dating relationship. Please talk to me,
  a school counselor, or the trained advocates at
  the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH)
  after class if you have any questions or just
  want to chat.
• NTDAH Toll-Free Number 1-866-331-9474
• NTDAH Website www.loveisrespect.org

34
Day 4 Preventing Dating Violence, Part I

• Activity Critiquing Mass Media Messages
• Plan for school-wide distribution of materials
• Brainstorm what questions people may ask about
  the materials during or after the distribution
• Discuss how to respond to likely questions

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Classroom Activity Critiquing Mass Media Messages

• Critique messages from TV, radio, magazines,
  movies, billboards and other advertisements.
  Discuss with classmates how these messages may or
  may not reflect the principles of equality,
  respect, dignity, and non-violence. Here are
  some examples of what to look for and discuss
• Examples of power and control such as women being
  in inferior positions to men.
• Examples of the objectification of women or men.
  
• Examples that support myths about dating or
  sexual violence (e.g., victim blaming, She was
  playing hard to get, He shouldnt have made her
  mad.)
• Examples that reinforce rigid gender roles.

36
Plan For School Wide Distribution of Materials

• What do you want to create and/or distribute?
  (handouts, helpline cards, posters, etc)
• Where are the most effective areas on campus to
  place these materials?
• What questions do you think people will ask you
  when you are distributing these materials?

37

• Remember, we care about dating violence and are
  here to help you or someone you know in an
  abusive dating relationship. Please talk to me,
  a school counselor, or the trained advocates at
  the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH)
  after class if you have any questions or just
  want to chat.
• NTDAH Toll-Free Number 1-866-331-9474
• NTDAH Website www.loveisrespect.org

38
Day 5 Preventing Dating Violence, Part II

• Distribution of materials in school
• Reactions and feedback from distribution
• Identify strategies for reaching out to a friend
  or family member who is abusing a partner
• Conclusion

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Time to Distribute Materials in School
40
Reactions and Feedback From Distribution

• What happened during distribution? What kind of
  reactions did you receive from other students?

41
Strategies For Reaching Out to a Friend or Family
Member Who is Abusing a Partner

• What can teenagers do in their relationships with
  friends and family members, in the school, and in
  the community to help prevent teen dating
  violence?

42
Conclusion

• Abuse and violence are a part of many teen dating
  relationships.
• Takeaways
• The definitions and dynamics of dating violence
• Strategies for young people who are in abusive
  relationships
• Strategies for those who have a friend or family
  member whos a target or abuser
• Remember, we care about dating violence and are
  here to help you or someone you know in an
  abusive dating relationship. Please talk to me,
  a school counselor, or the trained advocates at
  the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (NTDAH)
  after class if you have any questions or just
  want to chat.
• NTDAH Toll-Free Number 1-866-331-9474
• NTDAH Website www.loveisrespect.org