Title: The Jesus Hour
1The Jesus Hour
- As told by the Reverend Ernest Q. Streetpreacher
2(No Transcript)
3Damnation and Hellfire await all who ignore the
word of God! Yes, the almighty and all-merciful
God will strike you down for your sins as surely
as I am standing here, so listen or else Satan
will get your hands on you! And dont think he
wont! Yes, thats right! Satan is here, among
you now, trying to corrupt you! You think youre
smart by avoiding him? Well, the Lord hates smart
people and I bear living proof of this to you
heathen masses, for I am his chosen teacher, here
to spend the rest of my life to warn you of the
terrible costs of your life of lechery and sin!
Dont look at me like you dont have one I see
in your eyes you worship Satan. You may not know
it, but you do. Oh, you may laugh now, but when
the loving God calls you before him, youll be
trembling in fear because you didnt listen to my
words today and didnt turn back from your
lecherous life of sin. Anyone who ignores me
ignores the word of God and its written that
youre damned to Hell. Its in there. How dare
you attempt to enrich yourself by any means other
than his word? Its a proven fact that no other
books contain any knowledge! Can the TV Guide
tell you anything about Moses? Well, it cant.
See, all other books are useless and inferior!
Why do you even try? I had the Bible read to me,
and Im smarter than youll ever be! Gods word
is the truth, and thats all you ever need, and
if you read anything else youre a heathen
scumbag whos already the tool of Satan, your
dark master. Youre only trying to learn because
you think you can outsmart God! What chance do
you think you have, trying to pit your will
against the holy writ? Maybe Satan is telling
you something different, but you dont stand even
a chance, unless you devote your life as I have
done to standing here with my placards. Anyone
who says different is a liar and a fraud and
working for the horned beast himself. Youre
nothing but pawns of this evil government who
does nothing but persecute the decent God-fearing
folk of this nation who truly care. This nation
is run by Satan and his evil demons who are
putting things in your food and water so you
wont pay attention to me even though youre
facing eternal torment! You want to work for
Satan? Do you? Well youre a fool, because when
the end times come, next Thursday, Ill be
laughing with the Seraphim when our gracious Lord
destroys your soul. How dare you pass me by? All
who pass me by are infected with Satans germs,
and you Pidgeons are trying to control my brain!
dont want that now do you because it hurts real
bad when it comes out and then you have to go to
the clinic which is filled with evil doctors who
dont worship God and I can tell because they
tried to stick me with something and it was red
and I said youre not putting the Devil in me and
youre going to hell and he said I was being
silly, but it was just a trick to catch me off
guard but I was too smart for him and he ended up
chasing me around the room and I said Devil be
gone and they let me go, so it worked and thats
why you have to listen to me. Seriously, it
worked just like that.
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5The preceding is dedicated to all those who can
tell the difference between actual religion and
the aforementioned train wreck. Sorry, but when
I see street evangelists, this is what I tend to
think of.
6The End