PS28A

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PS28A

• Interpersonal Attraction
• Close Relationship

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Communication Relational Dynamics

• For communication to have meaning it must have a
  life. It must transcend you and me and
  become us In a small way, we then grow out of
  our old selves and become something new
• (Hugh Prather)

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Introduction

• Why do we find it important and sometimes even
  compelling to form relationships?
• Why are we attracted to some people more than
  others?

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Definition - Attraction

• Interpersonal Attraction is defined as the
  evaluation one person makes of another along a
  dimension that ranges from strong liking to
  strong dislike
• (Baron Byrne, 2000)

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Reasons for Building Close Relationships

• The need for affiliation a desire to establish
  and maintain relationships with others (Wong
  Csikzentimihalyi, 1991)
• - the fundamental factor underlying our
  interpersonal relationships
• Some people have a higher need for affiliation
  than others and these individuals tend to seek
  the company of friends and acquaintances or place
  themselves in settings where social interaction
  is likely. While others value periods of
  solitude.

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Reasons for Building Close Relationships

• Affiliation provides
• Emotional support
• Attention consideration and care received
• Opportunity - to evaluate the appropriateness of
  our opinions and behaviours through the process
  of social comparison

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Reasons for Building Close Relationships

• The need for intimacy - a desire for close and
  affectionate relationships in which personal
  information is disclosed and sharing occurs
  (McAdams, 1982)
• Intimacy with friends and lovers involves sharing
  and disclosing personal information

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Dimensions of Intimacy

• Intimacy has several dimensions including
• Physical
• Intellectual
• Emotional

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Dimensions of Intimacy

• Physical
• One example is the relationship between a fetus
  and its mother. At this stage the unborn child
  develops a closeness with its mothers and at
  birth it continues breast feeding, bathing,
  constantly held and hugged.
• Other examples?

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Dimensions of Intimacy

• Intellectual Intimacy
• This takes place when one person engages another
  in an exchange of important ideas.
• Through this exchange, a powerful and exciting
  bonding/closeness can develop.

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Dimensions of Intimacy

• Emotional Intimacy
• Involves the sharing of important feelings (self
  disclosure).
• Sharing personal information (face-to-face or
  otherwise) can both reflect and create feelings
  of closeness.
• Is it possible to experience emotional intimacy
  from our chat room encounters?

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Dimensions of Intimacy

• A Fourth Dimension Shared Activities
• Though in and of itself shared activity does
  not lead to closeness, it must exist for
  closeness to take place.. And therefore cannot be
  ignored.
• When partners spend time together, they can
  develop unique ways of relating that transform
  the relationship from an impersonal one to a
  personal one.

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Affect/Emotions/Feelings
• Positive feelings lead to positive evaluation of
  others, while negative feelings lead to negative
  evaluation of others (Dovidio et al., 1995)
• Affect may be direct or associated.

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Physical Proximity
• Propinquity, physical proximity or physical
  immediacy is an important determinant of
  attraction, especially at the beginning of a
  relationship. It facilitates
• Familiarity constant exposure to the person
• Opportunity for interaction increase chance for
  attraction

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Similarity
• Similarity in attitudes, beliefs, interests,
  personality and even physical appearance strongly
  influences the likelihood of interpersonal
  attraction, not in number of similar attitudes
  but the proportion and importance of similar
  attitudes.

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Complementarity
• When each partners characteristics satisfy the
  others needs (opposites attract). Example,
  partners agree that one will exercise control
  over certain areas (money) and the other will
  take the lead in different ones (house décor)

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Competence
• We like to be around those who are skilled,
  talented, or intelligent, probably because we
  hope display their level of talent, have their
  skill.

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Physical Attractiveness
• Research shows that we find physical attractive
  people more appealing than unattractive people,
  at least on initial contact (Eagly, et al 1991).
  
• Dimensions of Physical Attractiveness
• Facial expression facially attractive people are
  seen (perceived as warm, honest)
• Physique we hold notions of which bodily
  attributes are attractive

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Reciprocal Attraction
• We are attracted to people who we believe are
  attracted to us
• Reciprocal liking builds attractiveness and
  people who approve of us bolster our feelings of
  self esteem.
• Conversely, there are people who you dont like
  who likes you (and vice versa). What could cause
  that?

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Factors That Influence Attraction

• Disclosure
• Revealing important information about yourself
  gives another the opportunity to how similar you
  are, which can build liking.
• Not all disclosure leads to liking. If sharing
  is poorly timed, results can be negative.

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Emotions that block us from forming relationships

• Loneliness
• A psychological state that results when we
  perceive a discrepancy between want we want and
  what actually get from our relationships (Peplau
  Perlman, 1982).
• It is a subjective experience and not dependent
  on the number of people we have surrounding us.
• Those who experience lifelong loneliness many a
  times lack very basic social skills and therefore
  have difficulty forming relationships hence, the
  lifestyle of loneliness.

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Emotions that block us from forming relationships

• Social Anxiety
• Is a feeling of discomfort that arises from a
  persons expectations of negative encounters with
  others (Leary, 1983). Tendencies include
• sensitivity and fearfulness of disapproval,
  criticism and anxiety itself
• Foresee negative outcomes to anticipated social
  interactions, which arouses anxiety
• Strong tendency to perceive and respond to
  criticism that does not exist.
• Unpredictability of anxiety response.

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Kahlil Bilbran, The Prophet

• Love one another, but make not a bond of love
• Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores
  of your soul.
• Fill each others cup but drink not from one cup.
• Give one another of your bread but eat not of the
  same loaf.
• Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let
  each one of you be alone.
• Even as the strings of a lute are alone though
  they quiver with the same music.

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Self Disclosure in Relationships

• Degrees of Self Disclosure
• Depending on the breadth and depth of information
  shared, a relationship can be defined as casual
  or intimate.
• Breadth of information given the range of
  subjects covered
• Depth of information given the shift from
  relatively non-revealing messages to more
  personal ones

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Reasons for Self-Disclosure

• Self clarification
• Sometimes you clarify your beliefs, opinions,
  thoughts, feelings and attitudes by talking about
  them with another

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Reasons for Self-Disclosure

• Catharsis
• You self disclose to get it off your chest.
  In a moment of candor you might reveal your
  regrets for behaving so badly in the past

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Reasons for Self-Disclosure

• Relationship Maintenance
• Research shows a strong relationship between the
  quality of self disclosure and marital
  satisfaction (Fincham Bradbury, 1989)

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Reasons for Self-Disclosure

• Reciprocity
• You may choose to disclose information about
  yourself to encourage another person to do so
  but do this responsibly as the other may not
  follow suit.

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Guidelines for Self Disclosure

• Is the other person important to you
• Is the person someone you have an ongoing
  relationship with so sharing will deepen this
  relationship or is it someone you relate to on a
  less personal level but you see a chance for it
  to grow closer disclosing may be the path to
  develop that personal relationship

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Guidelines for Self Disclosure

• Is the risk of disclosing reasonable
• Even if the probable results are great, opening
  yourself to almost certain rejection may be
  asking for trouble.
• On the other hand, knowing your partner is
  trustworthy and supportive makes the prospect of
  speaking out more reasonable.

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Guidelines for Self Disclosure

• Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at
  hand
• The kind of disclosure that is often a
  characteristic of highly personal relationships
  usually isnt appropriate in less personal
  settings.

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Guidelines for Self Disclosure

• Are the amount and type of disclosure appropriate
  
• Gradual disclosure makes better relationship.
• Sharing too much too soon can lead to negative
  outcomes

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Alternatives to Self Disclosure

• Lying reasons include to save face avoid
  tension or quarrel (white lie)
• Equivocating language with two or more meanings
• Hinting more direct than equivocal statements
  seeks to get a desired response without
  embarrassing the receiver