Critical Conversations

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Critical Conversations Decisive Dialogue

• Larry D. Roper
• Oregon State University

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Goals for the Experience

• Explore the challenges of difficult conversations
• Provide an opportunity to explore personal
  experiences and leadership challenges
• Provide an opportunity for meaningful dialogue
  and conversation
• Identify approaches that can guide future work,
  leadership, conversations and relationships

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Session Ground Rules

• Share only what you feel comfortable
• Speak only for yourself
• Avoid side conversations
• Treat the conversation as if it matters
• Involve yourself as if your participation is the
  key to the groups success

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Reflection on Relationship Dynamics
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Creating Relationships That Work
Things that Matter
People who care
Thoughtful, Respectful Conversation
Personal shifts or insights
Things not expected
New thinking
Increased Relationship and a sense of community
Shared background of understanding
Pooled wisdom of the group increases
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What if a relationship is nothing more than a
series of conversations ?
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Think of a relationship that is important to you
or your organizations success, that is not
working
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How would you describe your last three
conversations with or about that persons?
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Individual Introductions

• Begin in dyads
• Each person speaks for three minutes, without
  interruption
• Respond to the following question
• What are things that I or others are not saying,
  that if we expressed and explored would make a
  real difference in our ability to create positive
  relationships and sustain a diverse community?

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Designing Difficult Conversations
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Guiding Principles for Difficult Conversations

• Dont start the conversation unless you are
  committed to having it turn out right for the
  other person/everyone involved (you are
  committed to them)
• Have only one conversation at a time
• Take the conversations to completion
• Treat conversations and each person in a way that
  acknowledges that they matter

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Guiding Principles for Conversations

• Everyone in the conversation is taken care of
• Dont have the conversation unless you are
  producing something of value (be clear about the
  value being produced)
• Involve yourself as if your participation is the
  key to the success of the conversation (as a
  facilitator or participant)

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Guiding Principles for Conversations

• All participants should have the opportunity to
  ask for the commitments they want
• All participants should be clear about
  expectations of them
• Document agreements

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Conversation Ground Rules

• Generous listening
• Be on each others side
• Straight speaking
• Manage each others reputation as you would
  manage your own
• Take care of each other

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Critical Leadership Questions
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What unique way of being is necessary to create
a culture that embraces diversity?
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What would your organization produce (or be
capable of producing) if you truly embraced
diverse perspectives?
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What are things that you or others are not
saying, that if you expressed and explored would
make a real difference in your ability to create
positive relationships and sustain a diverse
community?
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• Where would it make a difference if you could say
  what you think/feel?

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What are the undiscussables in your
organization that impede your ability to do what
is needed?
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What conversation would you convene if you knew
that it would turn out okay?
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Closure
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Acknowledgements and Appreciation

• Observations about colleagues (what was revealed
  to you in a new or different way)
• Important behaviors (what you observed that was
  significant)
• New learning or insights (what came clear for
  you)