Men and mothering

1
Men and mothering?

• Mens voices vertigo moments
• The question Do men mother?
• My location in men and mothering
• What surprised me.

2
Mens voices

• I know what my job is here I will make sure
  that everything is going right in Tristan's life,
  because that is my job.

3
Do men mother?

• A mother is a person who takes on responsibility
  for childrens lives and for whom providing child
  care is a significant part of her or his working
  life. I mean her or his.

4
My location in the do men mother? question
5
A study of Canadian fathers as primary caregivers

• 118 fathers
• 57 stay-at-home fathers
• 40 single fathers
• 25 sole custody
• 12 joint custody
• 3 widowers
• 13 fathers (single stay-at-home)
• 8 shared caregiving fathers
• 14 heterosexual couples

6
Men and community scrutiny

• Archie Initially, when Jordan was in
  kindergarten, this women comes up and introduces
  herself and says- I am a little embarrassed but I
  am coming to check you out. I said okay. She said
  my daughter came home and told me about this man
  hanging around the school yard reading stories to
  the kids. She said - I hope you are not offended.
  At this point I am used to it. I said - isnt it
  interesting? If a kid came home and said a mom is
  reading to kids in the yard, you would say isnt
  that nice, and wouldnt give it another thought.
  She admitted that was true.

7
Do men mother?

• 3 responsibilities
• 1. Emotional responsibility
• 2. Community responsibility
• 3. Moral responsibility

8
Community scrutiny of single fathers and Teenage
GirlsRyan I have purposively not had anybody
to sleep over, especially girls, because Im
really leery of the possibility that somebody
might think something bad.
9
Belief that Moms are More Connected to Children

• Gary Well, like I said, men do nurture. We do
  give them a hug, tell them its okay, sit them
  on our knee. But I just find with the mother they
  do it more or longer, or a tighter hug

10
Belief that Moms are More Connected to Children

• Shahin In my opinion, women have an edge in
  parenting - whether you say psychological or
  hormonal or whatever, they seem to have an edge
  in terms of being able to cope with certain
  things. I think the bond is vaster in women.
  Whether its Mother Natures way of making sure
  that the child is protected or not, I think
  they're willing to put up with a lot more. Or at
  least those expectations are there. I could never
  be a woman, I would die of exhaustion!

11
a soft father

• Roy I probably try and give him more of a soft
  father than anything else. But a soft father that
  wants him to learn, not just have fun.

12
I get lost in the nurturing

• Golin I always have to remind myself to set
  boundaries I have to remind myself to do that
  because I get lost in the nurturing..

13
Fathering like a mother

• Manuel For me, it was like I had given birth to
  them. Since they were born, something was put on
  me. I am going to look after them. I am going to
  be here all the time. I think it was like an
  emotional and physical attachment to them. It
  wasn't just like a father but it was
• Julia ...like a mother