Chapter 14: Love, Sex, and Work

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Chapter 14 Love, Sex, and Work

• What is love?
• How do we get into romantic relationships?
• Why do we fall in love?
• What is the relationship between love and sex?
• These are ancient questions, addressed by
  philosophers and poets throughout the ages.
• What, if anything, can psychology contribute?

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How do relationships begin?

• A relationship will begin depending on a match
  between the needs of the two persons involved.
  Both long and short-term needs are involved in
  the formation of most relationships.
• Both persons will invoke stereotypes in initial
  impression formation.
• Both persons will bring learning histories to the
  new potential relationship.

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Fair or not, initial impressions are greatly
influenced by personal appearance.

• Of course there is variation from
  person-to-person, but, in general
• Men tend be attracted to women who display
  characteristics of youth, health, and
  reproductive potential (an unconscious motive to
  seek mates who can bear him children)
• Women tend to respond favorably to potential to
  provide resources and protection (an unconscious
  motive to be cared for during the long human
  pregnancy and to be protected from other men)

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Dont believe the biological theory?Consider
these icons of sexy.
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Other research on beauty and attractiveness

• Body shape is important and research (discussed
  with Chapter 12) indicates that hip-to-waist
  ratio is important as one strong discriminator of
  gender differences.
• General indicators of good health and of genetic
  soundness are also involved.
• Cultural variation in beauty is not as great as
  once claimed. We would be able to recognize the
  most beautiful man and woman in most any village
  in the world.

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What makes a female face attractive?
Childlike Face
Mature Face
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What makes a female face attractive?


64 faces morphed into one face
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After Initial Impressions The 2nd Stage

• Personality becomes important
• Intelligence we seek someone in our own range
  of intelligence
• Mutual need satisfaction
• Reinforcement value
• Self-disclosure becomes important
• The reciprocity norm
• The principle of least interest
• A good relationship is shown nonverbally

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Other variables in relationships

• Proximity
• Similarity
• Be careful not to exaggerate similarities
• Family approval
• Shared goals and activities
• Balance

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Six Types of Love(Hendricks Hendricks, 1997)

• Eros passionate, physical, sexual
• Ludus loves being in love romantic
• Storge friendship love companionate
• Mania possessive dependent
• Pragma logical planned shopping list
• Agape all giving sacrificing selfless
• The types of love can occur in mixtures, and they
  change over the course of time.

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What type of lover are you?
Storge - friends
Agape
Eros - passion
Mania - jealousy
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Long-lasting Relationships

• Main factor is commitment to longevity
• Mutual emotional support
• Willing to sacrifice for the other person
• High degree of trust
• Comfortable sharing the most intimate details of
  ones life
• Share successes and achievements
• Positives clearly outweigh negatives
• Accepting tolerant of shortcomings
• Good degree of reciprocity balance

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Sternbergs Triangle Theory of Love
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When two people are under the influence of the
most violent, most insane, most delusive, and
most transient of passions, they are required to
swear that they will remain in that excited,
abnormal and exhausting condition continuously
until death do them part. George Bernard Shaw
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Obj 3 Attachment Theory of Love

• Uses attachment theory (previously studied) to
  address security issues on the part of one or of
  both lovers.
• Securely attached infants grow up to be secure
  persons in adulthood.
• Insecurely attached infants grow up to be
  insecure adults.
• Insecure persons have issues, such as fears of
  abandonement.
• Insecure persons are clingy and very jealous.
• Their own self-esteem is based on being loved by
  someone else.
• They spoil relationships due to being too needy.

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Attachment Theory of Love Continued

• Avoidant persons had harse, punitive and
  rejecting parents.
• The avoidant person prefers no relationship at
  all, or one based on a business type
  arrangement.
• Emotional relationships are avoided, or, at
  least, they are kept at arms length.
• Attachment theory is currently popular and has
  received some scientific support. One major flaw
  is that relationships change as a person gains
  experience and as they mature.

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Attachment Issues in Relationships
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Obj 4 Gender Differences in Love

• Similar to emotions, there are only small
  differences in regard to love.
• A fading gender script is for the man to express
  love through caretaking.
• Both men and women are romantic, if in somewhat
  different ways.
• Changes in society are changing the motives for
  long-term relationships.
• Sex has become more recreational than
  procreational, and is, thus, no longer a basis
  for marriage.

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Obj 5 Human Sexuality

• Among all animals, humans are the most interested
  in sexual activity.
• Humans do not have estrus cycles (do not go into
  and out of heat) and are receptive at all
  times.
• Human females are usually interested in sex even
  during a menstrual cycle, and during pregnancy.
• Human males are very typically interested in sex
  at all times.

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Why is the motivation for sex so strong?

• Evolutionary explanation those of our ancestors
  who were most interested in sex produced more
  offspring, passing on genes for sexual interest.
• A particular species is stronger to the extent
  that there is hybridization (mixing of genes), so
  males are motivated to spread their sperm around
  as much as is possible.
• Females are motivated to have a secure, stable,
  and protective male partner. Once impregnated,
  she can can expect to be out of the mainstream
  for about a year.

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Sexual Motivation Continued

• One mechanism for this difference in sexual
  motivation is testosterone. Males have more
  testosterone and more sexual desire, but a woman
  who has higher levels of testosterone, will have
  higher levels of desire as well.
• What about persons who have low sexual interest?
  This is usually due to sexual inhibitions and
  beliefs that sex is dirty or is something to be
  ashamed of.

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Obj 7 Sexual Motivation Continued

• There are many sub-reasons for having sex
• For the pure pleasure and enjoyment of it
• Intimacy and closeness between lovers
• Coping with negative emotions and fights (making
  up sex)
• Self-affirmation to prove that you are
  desirable
• To please your partner
• Peer approval peer expectations to have sex
• To get money or things (as in prostitution)
• To make a baby

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Obj 8 Homosexuality

• Homosexuality defies the main biological motive
  to have sex procreation
• One explanation for homosexuality (Kinsey) is
  that we are all more-or-less bisexual.
• Kinsey found that 37 percent of men had had at
  least one homosexual experience to orgasm at some
  time in their lives.
• For women, 13-19 percent had had at least one
  homosexual experience.

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The Kinsey Scale of Bisexualty
Men A minority were at 0 4-6 were at
6 Most persons are at 1, 2, or 3 This
includes fantasy, as well as overt behavior.
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What causes homosexuality and is this a good
question?

• What causes nonprocreative heterosexual behavior?
• Freud blamed the parents (of course).
• Male child found love from the father
• Female child identified with the father
• Latent homosexual are closet gays, but deny and
  repress it may develop homophobic
  overcompensation.
• Social-learning theory not well supported.

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Biological/genetic explanations

• Family studies are suggestive of a genetic basis
  for homosexuality, but the estimates vary widely,
  from 40-65 in most studies.
• Simon LeVay claims that the interstitial nucleus
  of the anterior hypothalamus-3 or INAH-3 is twice
  as large in heterosexuals (1991), and it is much
  larger in heterosexual males than it is in
  heterosexual females.
• Breedlove (1997) reviewed other studies and found
  similar evidence homosexuality probably has a
  biological basis.

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INAH-3 in the HypothalamusIs it the cause of
sexual preference?
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Homosexuality is an emotional issue
21-3505. Criminal Sodomy. (Kansas) 1.
Criminal sodomy is sodomy between persons who are
members of the same sex or between a person and
an animal. 2. Criminal sodomy is a class B
misdemeanor.
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Obj 9 Psychology of Work

• We work to
• Earn money
• Have a sense of accomplishment
• Have a sense of self-efficacy
• Find a meaningful way to spend our time
• Stimulate intellectual capacities
• Be around people we enjoy
• Develop a career
• For most persons, earning money is necessary but
  not sufficient.

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Obj 10 How Not to Choose a Career

• Just fool around for years and avoid making the
  decision
• Just choose a career by doing what your parents,
  or your brother, or your uncle Carl told you to
  go into
• Go for the thing that will make the most money
  even if you hate that kind of work
• Try to find the easiest work you can find
• Experiment with a variety of minimum wage jobs to
  explore the world of work
• Avoid all work that may involve doing any kind of
  math or anything on computers
• Base your decisions on rumors, stereotypes, and
  what the girl at the bar told you

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Choosing a Career
Hey, no hurry to get through college. I will
take my time and decide someday. If you take two
additional years to complete your degree because
of not deciding on a career, the average you can
expect to lose is about 80,000. How much is
80,000? That would buy you a modest house paid
for, no mortgage. Or. . . . That would buy you
two really nice cars, or. . . That would pay off
all your college loans, twice!
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Money and Happiness

• Research is clear that money typically does not
  bring happiness, but too little can bring
  unhappiness.
• Employees who are primarily motivated by the love
  of their work become less happy the more money
  they make.
• The exception is highly extrinsically oriented
  persons. They do work for money.
• The professions tend to populated with
  intrinsically oriented persons. . . .so, it is
  probably a bad idea for a college grad (a
  professional) to go for the money and take a job
  they really do not enjoy doing (Malka Chatman,
  2003).

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Most In-Demand Job Skills

• Problem-solving skills
• Identify problems
• Research solutions
• Make good decisions
• Technology skills
• Understand and deal with electronic devices
• Computer skills
• Basic skills such as MS Office
• Some understanding of programming and logic
• Some understanding of linkages to other devices,
  including wireless linkages

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In-Demand Job Skills

• Human relations skills
• Emotional intelligence
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Teaching-training skills
• All jobs change rapidly
• Trained employees must train new employees
• Trained employees must cross-train others
• Science and math skills
• Depends on job, but all require some math
• Must be aware of new developments in science and
  technology that affects ones industry

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In-Demand Job Skills

• Money management skills
• Fastest growing area of jobs is financial
• Personal financial management is more complex
• Paternalistic management is pretty much gone one
  must plan and manage ones own retirement
• Information management skills
• Business management skills
• Foreign language skills
• Spanish, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, German

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Obj 11 Plan Now to Work in a Healthy Company

• Open communication
• Employee involvement
• Learning and renewal
• Value placed on diversity
• Institutional fairness
• Equitable rewards and recognition
• Common economic security
• People-friendly technology
• Health-enhancing work environments
• Meaningful work
• Community responsibility
• Environmental protection (APA.org)

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Fastest Growing Occupations, USA 1992-2005
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Source Bureau of Labor Statistics