Obstacles to Intimacy

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Obstacles to Intimacy
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Obstacle 1 Weak Self Image

• Intimacy requires the willingness to share ones
  whole self with another.
• Risk placing ones deeper self in the hands of
  another.

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Weak Self Image, cont.

• Self image marred by
• Abuse
• Neglect
• Put-downs
• Shame
• Guilt.

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Weak Self Image, cont.

• Fear rejection by the other of ones real
  self.
• Fear lack of acceptance of difficult feelings
  and negative aspects of self.
• Result superficial relationships confined to
  what is safe and acceptable.

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Weak Self Image, cont.

• Remedies
• Realization that our self image is defective
• Willingness to trust
• Risking self-disclosure in spite of fears
• Continued affirmation and support by loved ones.

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Obstacle 2 Stress Fatigue

• Intimacy requires quality time and attention.
• Demands of school, work, recreation and
  parenthood easily command our time.
• Quality time with the other is no longer a
  priority.

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Stress Fatigue, cont.

• Remedies
• Conscious and deliberate time management.
• Reasonable sleep, careful diet and exercise.
• A top priority quality time with the other.

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Obstacle 3 Substance Abuse

• Drugs and alcohol often used to cope with stress
  or weak self-image.
• Drugs or alcohol used to feel good cover up
  deeper problems and unmet needs.

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Substance Abuse, cont.

• Substance abuse never resolves problems or needs.
• Substance abuse becomes its own problem.

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Substance Abuse, cont.

• Remedies
• Conscious, deliberate practice of the virtue of
  moderation.
• Skilled help from counseling or support groups.

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Obstacle 4 Jealousy

• Jealousy reveals basic lack of trust.
• Forcing the other to give up healthy interests
  and friends builds anger and resentment.

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Obstacle 4 Jealousy

• Remedies
• Honest sharing of difficult feelings.
• Strengthen the relationship through positive acts
  of genuine caring.

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Jealousy Remedies, cont.

• Respect and affirm the interests of the other.
• Allow the other to be truly free.