Attraction

1
Attraction

• Liking, Loving, and sometimes No Longer Loving
  Others

2
Where does attraction begin?

• Why do people become attracted to each other?
  Four main areas have been investigated
• Proximity
• Physical attractiveness
• Similarity
• Being liked

3
Proximity

• Proximity is better thought of as functional
  distance.
• Functional distance strongly predicts liking.
• Anticipation of interaction
• Just expecting to interact with someone leads us
  to like them more.
• In essence, we are setting the environment for
  behavioral confirmation. If we expect to like
  someone, the interaction should go more smoothly.

4
Mere Exposure

• Very simply, the more we see something the more
  we like it (as long as exposure isnt incessant).
• Examples abound
• Zajoncs research on nonsense syllables (further
  he demonstrated that we dont need to be
  consciously aware of exposure in fact, effects
  are stronger!).
• Photograph vs. mirror image preferences.
• Black bag man at Oregon St.

5
Physical Attractiveness

• As much as we deny it, we are swayed by how
  people look.
• Hatfield and Berscheid have both done research
  that indicates that the more attractive a female
  is, the more likely she is to date.
• The effect is slightly less strong for males.
• Matching phenomenon
• Couples (even friends) tend to be relatively
  equal in attractiveness.
• When not true, less attractive partner usually
  compensates on some other factor (e.g., very
  wealthy older men marrying beautiful young women).

6
The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype

• That which is beautiful, is good.
• People within a culture, assume that attractive
  people have the traits that are valued by that
  culture.
• Adults and children are biased toward attractive
  people. Heck - even infants stare at attractive
  people longer than unattractive people!
• Lessons begin early how many ugly heroes are
  there in childrens tales vs. the number of ugly
  villians?

7
Impact of Beauty Stereotype

• Attractive people have better jobs and make more
  money.
• Irene Hanson Frieze found that for each
  incremental improvement in attractiveness a
  person earns on average 2300 more each year.
• Attractive people are perceived to be more
  popular and outgoing.
• This is probably reality, as they gain confidence
  from positive attention.

8
What is Beauty?

• Isnt it in the eye of the beholder?
• Symmetrical and average faces are seen as most
  attractive.
• Become more attractive when average features are
  exaggerated (e.g., fuller lips and larger eyes in
  a women).
• Sociobiological explanations
• What is beautiful in women generally indicates
  fertility. In men, attractive traits tend to
  indicate the ability to provide and protect.
• Males are more upset by sexuality infidelity,
  females by emotional infidelity.

9
Is it all relative?

• Classic study indicated that men found women to
  be less attractive if they had just finished
  watching Charlies Angels.
• Men find their spouses less attractive after
  viewing centerfolds or pornographic films.
• True for self also, people find themselves less
  attractive after viewing other more attractive
  people.

10
Good News About Beauty

• Beauty is a two-way street.
• Although we like attractive people more, we also
  tend to find people we like to be attractive!
• The more in love we are with someone, the more
  attractive we view them, and the less attractive
  we view others of opposite sex.

11
Opposites Do Not Attract!

• The greater number of shared attitudes, the more
  likable you find the person, particularly if you
  like yourself!
• Fritz Heider and Balance Theory.
• Opposite is also true we tend to dislike those
  who hold different opinions than us.
• James Jones proposes that one reason for racism
  is the actual cultural differences between blacks
  and whites.
• We dislike that which is different.

12
Being Liked is Cool!

• Liking is mutual.
• We like those who say eight positive things about
  us better than those who say seven positive and
  one negative.
• If 60,000 people tell me they loved a show, then
  one walks past and says it sucked, thats the
  comment Ill hear. Dave Matthews
• Negative information is unusual and thus grabs
  our attention.
• Compliments backfire however if attributed to a
  self-serving strategy.

13
Reward Theory

• We will maintain those relationships that we
  associate with rewards. Summarizes other
  variables rather nicely
• Proximity is easier (long distance relationship?)
• Attractive people are assumed to have other
  positive, hence rewarding, characteristics.
• People who hold similar opinions as us, validate
  our opinions, and make us feel smart.
• It feels good to be liked.

14
Love

• What is it?
• Sternberg proposes the Triangle Theory of Love.
• Three cornerstones are passion (infatuation),
  intimacy (liking), and commitment (empty love).
• 4 variants of love produced
• Romantic Love intimacy passion
• Fatuous Love passion commitment
• Companionate Love intimacy commitment
• Consummate Love All three ingredients

15
Styles of Love

• Hendrick and Hendrick Love has different meaning
  to different people
• Six styles of loving
• Eros Passionate Love
• Ludus Game Playing Love
• Storge Friendship Love
• Pragma Logical Love
• Mania Dependent Love
• Agape Selfless Love

16
Is Passion Just Misnamed Emotion?

• Schacter and Singers Two Factor Model of Emotion
  states that arousal X label emotion.
• Experimental evidence suggests that physical
  arousal from any source intensifies feelings of
  passion.
• Dutton and Aron (1974) wobbly bridge and
  returned phone calls.
• Couples who do exciting things together report
  the best relationships.

17
Maintaining Relationships

• Equity feeling of being treated fairly
• Those involved in long term equitable
  relationships dont worry about short term
  equity.
• Perceived inequity leads to greater levels of
  distress and depression.
• Interestingly, married couples frequently assume
  that they are both doing more than their share of
  the housework!

18
Self-Disclosure

• Deep relationships are intimate.
• To be intimate you must be willing to listen to
  others and to open up.
• Sharing of yourself is known as self-disclosure.
• Often the key is disclosure reciprocity
• A matching of openness. Tends to progress
  slowly.
• Too much disclosure at once makes one appear
  unstable.

19
Predictors of a Successful Marriage

• Divorce is unlikely if
• Married after age 20
• Both grew up in stable, two-parent homes
• Dated for a long time before marrying
• Are well and similarly educated
• Enjoy a stable income from a good job
• Live in a small town or on a farm
• Did not cohabitate or get pregnant before
  marriage
• Are religiously committed
• Are of similar age and faith
• Positive interactions outnumber negative by at
  least 5 to 1

20
Dealing with Unhappiness

• Rusboldt and Zimbrodt identified 4 general
  responses
• Exit ending or actively abusing the relationship
• Voice actively attempting to improve conditions
• Loyalty passively waiting for things to improve
• Neglect passively allowing the relationship to
  deteriorate
• Two dimensions constructive/destructive and
  active/passive